To ask how many activities you take your toddler on

[Mammylamb]

I don’t know if we’ve got the balance right.

DS attends nursery 2 weekdays, I look after him 1 workday, DH one weekday, and grandparents one weekday.

He attends two classes (mini science and football) but gets taken on regular activities; soft play, trampolining, science museums, parks, and farm parks and lots of birthday parties and play dates. Honestly, our spare time revolves around him.

I don’t know though if he should be spending more time at structured activities rather than ad hoc. He isn’t massively keen on this and used to cry before rugby lessons.

My mum thinks that at his age (3) he doesn’t need structured activities apart from nursery and I’m worrying too much. But most of his friends go to multiple classes.

What do/did you do for your toddler?

DS, nearly 3, is at nursery 2 days a week and MIL for 3 days. MIL tends to keep him at home (at our house), sometimes they go for walks, to the park or on the bus, but if not then they’ll just stay in the house or garden and play/read.

On the weekends, he is with DH and I, we then take him out to bigger parks, to see family, soft play, farms etc.

To me, it sounds like you are just trying to keep up with the Joneses, OP

My three year old goes to playgroup for three days a week (now she has her 15 hours funded). During those days, she does all manner of structured activities and socialising. They're taken to different places around the grounds (it's in the grounds of a school) so her days are really varied. She comes home wiped out!

On the two days in the week she's home with me and DD2 (baby) we tend to just chill out! We do lots of colouring, painting, reading, cooking, playing in the garden just whatever takes our fancy. Might venture out to the park/ for a walk if we're a bit cabin fevery or to see friends with other small children to play with but we do zero classes.

Weekends are spent doing family things with DH.

I am looking to send her to a dance class, but only because she loves dancing and she's on a waiting list for swimming lessons but those are - I think - an essential to learn from young. I wouldn't bother otherwise.

I don't think small children need to have their entire lives filled with activities I really don't. Just let them play and have fun!

I think it depends on the child. My 4 year old does 3 classes a week - dancing, swimming and a messy play class that parents participate in.

She is in nursery 2 days, with grand parents 2 days and 3 days with us.

She has so much energy and always wants to be doing something. Down time just is r something she wants although we do enforce it and will regularly have quiet weekends at home pottering about, going for walks etc

She's now asking about football lessons but we've managed to talk her out of it for now. None of this is forced on her - she just likes to be busy although I would love her to amuse herself a bit more (it's a work in progress).

He's 3. Everything in the world is new and exciting/frightening. Most of his time needs to be at home with familiarity and routine and learning his place in the world. I would start scaling back the activities (both routine and one-off) and start focussing on home life, helping in the kitchen or the garden, playing with the same toys regularly and creatively, building a routine so that he's better able to regulate his own needs.

I wouldn’t say it’s keeping up with the Joneses; but probably a bit of insecurity on my part and also just wanting the best for him.

I’m from a council estate: and when I started uni and work I felt like a fish out of water with all the middle class / richer people I work with. I want him to have the best chances in life, and to feel like he “fits in” with the wider world.

Regarding getting Day to Day stuff and chores done; we have “outsourced” a few things like cleaning, ironing, garden, window washing. And we do as much as we can in the evenings, and also we (DH) and I don’t go to everything together (ie DH will take him to football while i batch cook etc)

But, looking at the responses, it does look like the wee soul could do with some downtime; so I’ll need to reign it in a bit.

Thanks for all your responses

Kids need to be bored sometimes as that's how they develop their imagination. My eldest is nearly 4, and been loving seeing her jump over imaginary fire and water, being chased by imaginary ghosts (I certainly hope they are imaginary lol), and adapt everyday objects to pretend they are something else.

Also u need to keep in mind, being able to entertain oneself, stay in and relax, have some downtime to figure themselves out, actually is a skill that kids need to learn otherwise they end up being adults who can't stand to be alone or be at home for more than 30secs.

We do 2.5days nursery a week, 2 days where we go to a 2 hr playgroup, and swimming lessons on a saturday. We have pplaydates, park, swimming, soft play, parties etc, but they are not regular and we just go with the flow.

@Mammylamb I get that. We live in an age of SM where mums are just bombarded with information and advice on how to best raise children in a way that our parents and grandparents weren't. Along with her constant insta-worthy images of unrealistic (and fake) perfection. Although times were undoubtedly harder way back when, I sometimes think today's mothers suffer too from total information overload. I've felt it myself.

Just go with your gut (something I have to be reminded to do too!). Kids don't need much more at 3/4 than your love and time. An hour spent colouring, or playing bricks or jigsaws, or running around a park or garden with Mum is just as beneficial as a structured, paid for class.