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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

A PIL one

17 replies

Andonandonan · 20/04/2019 09:17

Interested in opinions on this one. I often feel like I’m going a bit mad around my PIL due to little ways they behave that other people interpret as amazing, lovely, kind gestures and I just end up thinking wtf.

So. One of my DC recently had a birthday. Wanted a specific Lego kit. We got DS the big part of this & each set of grandparents bought an accompanying kit.

So far, so lovely. Ds is thrilled.

Then we spend some time with entire family - 2 other sets of cousins to my dc. And the other cousins spend time busily building the Lego sets MIL has given them as a holiday gift - per family, all 3 of the Lego sets ds had for his birthday (only one of which was bought by PIL).

My dc (including dd who obviously didn’t get a gift for ds’s birthday and also was given nothing by MIL when other cousins were given all the Lego sets) luckily didn’t particularly notice but...is it just me? AIBU to feel there is some inequality going on here?

OP posts:

7yo7yo · 20/04/2019 09:23

That’s fucking rude!
Did you say anything?

7yo7yo · 20/04/2019 09:24

So she took
Your child’s gifts and gave them to family? I’d expect her to replace them!

GreatestShowUnicorn · 20/04/2019 09:24

That's really unfair who buys a gift for some kids there and not others.

NoSauce · 20/04/2019 09:25

You’re overthinking this. Sounds like she thought she was doing a nice thing for them all especially if she knew they’d all be together building their Lego, presumably she thought DD could join in with DS?

Unless there’s some huge back story here of her leaving DD out, I would put it out of your mind.

Gizlotsmum · 20/04/2019 09:30

So pil gave other cousins holiday gifts but not your 2. Were the others visiting and you not? Were they like Easter gifts?

These presents were all the lego sets your Ds had for his birthday? So they gave more gifts to the others and not your 2.

2 potential issues then, inequality of gifting of holiday gifts and secondary the value of birthday/holiday gifts.

BlueMerchant · 20/04/2019 09:31

YANBU. How rude. Giving her other DC a ',holiday gift' that is not only the same but more generous than the Birthday gift they got for your ds. Bloody ignorant. I'd have to say something about it. I'd have to ask where your DC's ' holiday gift' is?

TheSerenDipitY · 20/04/2019 09:35

so, the other kids got a set of lego as a holiday gift, your son got one as a birthday gift, and daughter (and son) got nothing for holiday gift.... kinda mean, that your sons set of lego has to double as a family holiday gift AND his birthday gift

Original poster

Andonandonan · 20/04/2019 09:36

I was trying not to go on for too long but sorry wasn’t clear enough.

Outcome is all 3 families now have the same Lego sets. No one’s set was given away (this would definitely be terrible!).

And yes. I think MIL’s thinking was oh won’t it be nice if they all have the same sets as DS loves it so much I’m sure the other children will love it too. So then I’m probably BU because it is a nice thing for all the cousins to have the same stuff.

But I guess I object to the fact that ds’s was a main birthday gift (& only some of it bought by PIL). It’s not really about the money so I didn’t bother putting figures on it but they spent about £40 on ds vs around £200 spent on each of the other families’ children, ‘just because’ ie not for birthdays. To me that doesn’t feel very equal. But maybe this isn’t something other people would have a problem with?

DS didn’t have his Lego on the holiday fwiw.

OP posts:

Original poster

Andonandonan · 20/04/2019 09:37

We were all away together in the same place.

OP posts:

7yo7yo · 20/04/2019 09:41

Ah I get it.
So your kids got nothing?
I’d have asked where my kids presents are.

DingDongDenny · 20/04/2019 09:42

What did your son think of it? Was he not upset that he didn't have any lego to build while they did

Iloveacurry · 20/04/2019 09:45

Seems very unfair.

Drum2018 · 20/04/2019 09:46

That's shit. When the cousins birthdays come round you should ask her what she's getting for your dc.

ajandjjmum · 20/04/2019 09:48

Pretty insensitive of PIL.

Hawkinsfirefly99 · 20/04/2019 10:04

Rude and pig ignorant pil's. I'd have been fuming. You can see where mil's thoughts are coming from, like you say, but the gifts needn't have been the same as your dc's birthday presents.

I think I'd have said something.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 20/04/2019 10:12

Rude. They should have spend the £400 buying 3 sets of Lego one for each family.

Is this a one off?

NoSauce · 20/04/2019 13:01

So it is about the money then. Unless she does this regularly I would have just thought she was buying them all something that they could play with together.

Is she normally fair, decent?

Flip