I love my DH and my DC but for various reasons lately, I have felt under so much pressure in all aspects of my life, from work, family commitments and recovering from a bad injury.
I. Just. Want. To. Be. Alone.
I have a lot of people relying on me and I often feel under pressure and taken for granted. I feel utterly, utterly empty of anything to offer. I know it sounds awful, so am prepared for a flaming, but I don't want to be hugged or kissed or be given craft projects. I don't want to have play a board game or have a family picnic or do an Easter egg hunt or any of the lovely things I should enjoy that require me to be the mummy.
I have got to the point where I am grouchy, irritable and snappy because I simply want to be left the fuck alone. I would almost like it if we had a row so I would have an excuse to storm out (ridiculous!). This evening, the kids all gave me the usual goodnight hugs and instead of enjoying the cuddles I just felt totally over-touched, if that makes sense. I feel terrible; I love them to bits.
My DH is actually brilliant and does his fair share, so I would feel extremely self-indulgent to say that I need a day to myself when I know he probably could do with the same thing. I think he sees that I am not coping right now but his reaction is to tiptoe around me, like I am a bomb about to go off, which makes me feel worse.
Am I being as selfish and precious as I feel? I read threads all the time on here where Mumsnetters recommend that an OP take themselves off to a hotel, but really, is "self-care" something that people really prioritise? I think I am beyond the 'have a nice bubble bath' stage. Do any of you really take yourself off for a day? Without feeling guilty?