To think I must be a worthless piece of $hit?

[Notjudesmum]

I’ve never been good at making/keeping friends. All of my first memories of school were of standing in the corner of the playground waiting for someone to ask me to join in. The smallest things stick in my mind....even now, 20+ years later. I’d always be the ‘friend’ that was dropped when someone better came along and I still feel like that now. Not that I really have any friends. If I’m being honest I have 1 friend. 1 friend that I could call if I needed to chat. 1 friend that I could text with good news. 1 friend that would notice I’d gone if I dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow. It’s embarrassing...embarrassing when DP says “make a list of ur friends and we’ll invite a load of people over for a bbq” embarrassing when my mum called over on my birthday and asked to look at ‘all’ my bday cards then asked where I’d put all the cards from my friends. People love DP....in pubs, in shops, walking down the road, in a swimming pool, on a aeroplane...people talk to him anywhere. About anything. Not me though...it’s like I’m invisible.

I don’t know why I’m writing this really? I don’t want to join clubs, get hobbies, volunteer anyway because I literally am not good at ANYTHING.
I look at my kids and feel sorry for them, sorry that they’ve been lumbered with a mum that’s just so pathetic and virtually pointless.

I don’t have the energy to be anything else though. My mind feels foggy all the time and the rest of me just numb and useless. It’s not a nice place to be but I can’t tell anyone. How do you tell someone that you’re embarrassed to be who you are?

I have a large group of friends in my contacts, but I’m not the type of has a ‘best friend’ must talk to every day person. I have my friends who I phone for advice, congratulate on births, send commiserations on funerals etc. But the person who I text the most, who texts me, who I share my daily joys and horror with, I met on here. To be honest I can’t imagine her not in my life now. We live very far part so don’t meet up etc, but it’s amazing when you click with someone, who shares the same sense of humour, the same values, the same outlook on life. So it goes to show that you can meet people in the most strangest of places!

You sound nice

You sound kind

Those are really important qualities in friends. There is no doubt in my mind that you would be a lovely friend to have, it’s just working out the steps to get you there.

Other people have some great advice on how to do that. I’d just add you won’t be friends with everyone you meet. Some people you just don’t click with, others don’t have room for more friends in their lives.
Doesn’t mean you are worthless.

You have one close friend, a good husband, and children who love you very much. You are doing pretty good! And there are probably quite a few people, who barely know you, who like you and think of you as friendly.

first you have to accept yourself,(even if includes flawed and talentless)then you gotta love yourself. is counselling a possibility.self esteem is so underated.you are not alone or worthless.fix that

Hello, fellow humanity.

Sending LOVE

xxxxxx