to wonder what a partner who is an alcoholic thinks about you?

[piffar]

My recent ex-DP has addiction problems, but hides them quite well because of the career he has. Anyway, it led to our breakup very recently. I loved him a lot, but I feel guilty to say that the time we have been broken up I have felt relief more than anything.

However, I still very much care for him - I just do. I said I would keep in touch whilst he got help (if he wanted it), but the relationship was over.

He just seems so in denial (if that's the right word) that we're over. He didn't really respond at all to the breakup - just said to do what's best for me. He then texts me daily saying what are you up to, do you want to meet etc., it's not it's not registered?

Anyway for a while it was planned that I would meet him today in the day time. He doesn't reply all day and then does at 6pm saying to meet him... in the pub!

I explained to him that I wouldn't be drinking with him. He kept saying come I'll pay whatever. Then he said "i wont be free tomorrow, do what you fucking want to". Fine.

What goes through their minds?! That I would just go and get pissed with him after our relationship ended because of his alcoholism?!

My ex has a gambling addiction. He is in massive denial and tells people we split up because I spent all his money (he didn't work and I hardly ever bought myself anything. We actually split up because he took cards and loans out in my name and sold mine and my children's things) He once admitted though that any money I spent on my myself, could have been as little as £5 was less money to gamble with and that's why he used to get so angry about me spending anything. Recently I've had to pick up the pieces again because he was supposed to have paid the deposit for our sons birthday party. I went to pay the balance and turns out he hadn't paid it so they gave the date to someone else. Now having to organise something else in very little time.

Just cut he loose. You need to look after yourself. He's made his choice.

He's an alcoholic. All that is going through his mind is his need to drink. He isn't able to think clearly about anything else and until he finds recovery, there is no point in trying to engage. At the moment he isn't even trying to seek help. You don't need to reply to his texts. Why get sucked into the drama when you've decided the relationship is over?

One of the things with addicts is that the addiction is their primary relationship. Their partner will never get to be at the Center of their life because their substance ( or whatever) is.
To quote Lou Reed
“ Heroin. It’s my life it’s my wife”