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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip clubs

15 replies

skislope · 19/04/2019 20:40

Hi, Ok I don't post often but just had an argument with my husband. He said he's been to strip clubs since we met (19 year ago ish) and I asked when and with which mates and he's steadfastly refused to say saying it doesn't matter...
I have to admit I left the room as I think this isn't great - not to be honest with each other - plus I feel he's making me feel like I'm bad for asking...
Am I being unreasonable to think in a marriage we should be able to share this information,...makes me feel there's something to hide.

OP posts:
Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 20:54

I'm of the opinion that men in relationships shouldn't go into strip clubs (unless they've discussed it with their partner and the partner is 100% ok with it).

It was clearly 'convenient' for him lot to raise it or discuss it with you.

The thing is, if you find out when, with whom etc. - are you going to end the relationship over it? Because it's done and can't be undone. So what's the point? If you ask when and with whom will you then ask details and want to finish if he'd done things that upset you/cross your boundaries?

Unless you want to get into that; seems sensible to write previous 'incidents' off and start from now, now that you know. If you're uncomfortable with him.gking o to them, day so and discuss what your expectations are.

My husband knows, flowing a stag do when he went into o e, that if he does it again, under any circumstances, our relationship is in serious danger of being over, that it's not acceptable to me.

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 20:55

*not

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 20:56

Sorry about all the typos.

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 21:04

Also, personally yeah I do think he should have told you/asked you/discussed it with you.

As I said I think he's found it convenient (no 'nagging', no stressing, no potential ban, no hassle, no upset) not to discuss it and to keep it in the "things you didn't discuss with 'the woman' box. It's not really honest or acting like you're in a partnership (to me anyway).

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 21:07

saying it doesn't matter...

It matters to you.
It would matter to many women.

Would he have the same attitude if it was you going to make strip clubs (even though I've only seen one to date, male strip shows can't be compared to strip clubs and it pisses me off no end when people, Inc women compare the two)?

Slicedpineapple · 19/04/2019 21:20

Have I misunderstood the thread? Have you only just found out he has been to strip clubs? Have you discussed it before and he has said he hasnt been?

NCforthis2019 · 19/04/2019 21:26

Sorry I’m not understanding - he went to a strip club 19 years ago and you want to know with who - now? 19 years later?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/04/2019 21:52

Tell him you'll be asking the next hot young guy you meet to show you his nob for a tenner. But it's ok as theres no touching!

PositiveVibez · 19/04/2019 21:56

I think any man who objectifies women as nothing but wank fodder is an asshole.

They put women into categories. Relatives, or whores.

Anyone who does this is disrespectful and gross.

newmobile · 19/04/2019 22:24

I was behind a queue in a restaurant the other day four city workers in their late 30s with no worries talking about friday night out with dancing naked slappers whilst planning the half term off work with the kids. Totally gross behaviour and total lack of respect. Wanted to ask if they had daughters themselves. Shows what these type of men are like? Just didnt say anything to them even though i wanted to. Could this be the type of man your partner is?

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 22:35

Sorry I’m not understanding - he went to a strip club 19 years ago and you want to know with who - now? 19 years later?

As I read it, she found out recently that he has been in strip clubs an unspecified no of times since they got into a relationship. She wanted to know how many times, when, with whom etc. and he refused to give any further info., saying it doesn't matter.

Pa1oma · 19/04/2019 22:36

In what context has he been in these clubs OP? In his own? On the odd stag night? Is he a regular? Does he have one-to-one dances? What’s the deal and why has he decided to share now?

I wouid say to him that he can either have the respect to tell you the details or he can go to a hotel for the night.

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 22:37

(Not 19 years ago, but during the last 19 years while they've been together; that seemed obvious from the op).

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 22:45

What’s the deal and why has he decided to share now?

Conjecture but I doubt he decided to share; more like the subject came up somehow, op asked if he'd ever been in one, possibly leading to if he'd ever been in one while with her (likely since it sounds like they've been together since quite young); he admitted yes and then when he saw her reaction and more questions came, realised a can of worms was now open and he better shut it down (he's hoping op'll let him shut it down).

Moralitym1n1 · 19/04/2019 22:50

(There have been quite a few posters on MN recently posting about their partners & strip clubs; perhaps that prompted op to raise the subject).

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