To mourn the family I may never have?

[twinkledag]

Posting here for sympathy / kick up the backside / to be told I should be grateful / your support..: anything you can offer!

I'll keep it brief.

1 child conceived via ivf 4 years ago.
Spent the past 3 years trying for a sibling. 2 failed rounds of ivf including 1 ending in miscarriage. Just finished what we said would be our final cycle. Ended up with 1 suitable embryo which will be tested for chromosomal abnormalities to try and avoid another miscarriage.

Feel so down today. 1 left? 1 chance and after our history I don't have any faith in it. I am 40 too which just adds to the feeling of being too old.

All this has cost the best part of £25k, we can't keep on throwing money at it.

I'm incredibly grateful to have DS but I wanted a bigger family, I wanted 2 children, that's normal for everyone else, why not us?

I love children. I've always been the one who's looked after my cousins when younger, later my nieces and nephews, I love being around children, this just feels so unfair.

Adoption and donor embryos may be an option in the future but for today, I just feel so incredibly down about it.

Thanks everyone and 💐 to @chipsnmayo (great food combination btw 😁).

Thanks for your support all, even those who think they're saying the right thing but aren't!

This 'journey' that men and women like me go in is horrendous. I've cried at baby clothes in shops. I've missed special occasions because of IVF. I nearly lost my job through sheer utter grief and despair after miscarrying after IVF. I've seen my wonderful, lovely husband cry. I've cried after sex. I've had sex when I haven't wanted to so many times because it was my fertile time. Who could 'stay positive', 'keep hoping' and 'just relax' through all that?

I am at the stage where I find it incredible that people have sex and it leads to babies. To me that is an alien concept.

This sounds like a one-woman pity party but it's helping to get this all out!

Pity parties are great OP!

I have never been through infertility but I have so much empathy for women who spend years going through fertility treatment etc. I looked at sperm donor very briefly 20 years ago, and I immediately thought I could not emotionally / practically go through that never mind I could barely financially support one DC

OP if I've upset you with my comment it certainly wasn't written with this intention. I certainly wasn't suggesting staying positive as a way to undermine what you are going through. I was there, and I know how much it hurts like hell and how it leads you to loose faith.

I was only saying to remain positive not in that it WILL happen but that ultimately, it COULD and I very much it will for you.

But do trust that whether it does or not, you'll be OK at some point and will find peace and contentment again.

YANBU OP. And just ignore the ignorance.

It is heartbreaking.

Thank you @swingofthings

Yanbu at all op, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Do whatever you need to do and ignore people who don't get it. I know you don't want to get your hopes up that this one will take but I really hope it will

YANBU. I am very sorry for the horrible journey you and your husband have had to go through. I can't imagine how difficult these years have been.
I really hope that this go is successful. You're not asking for the world as you say.

I can empathise. I DS now 2 conceived via ICSI and I'm currently injecting for a fresh round after a failed FET last year. If it doesn't work, DS will be an only child. I didn't want that for him although I am an only child myself. I always wanted a bigger family. DH's siblings have 6 kids between them with no difficulty so it feels unfair we've had to go through all this. If and when we have to accept that we won't have any more, much as I adore him and know some people get nothing, I think I will feel sad too.

Would you consider using donor eggs if the next cycle fails? Might save money overall, especially in Greece, as then you only need to focus on implantation etc. Could reduce the risk of miscarriage too as donors tend to be under 30. Another alternative is to take the treatment in the UK using one of Access fertility’s deals.

We would have to use donor eggs and sperm I think as my husband has sperm issues.

That's the other thing, people always assume it's the woman's fault when more research needs to be done about fertility in men.