Boyfriend thinks I'm a rubbish partner

[Cantstopbloodyeating]

I've been really down past few months but mainly because I'm stuck at home with the kids all day I don't really go anywhere throughout the week. Mainly just take DS to nursery food shops and pop to my mums.

His family made a comment yesterday at his nephews party to OH that they never see me anymore but I honestly I just don't feel like going. I use to go over all the time but I'm just not feeling it he has lots of family parties to go to and I just don't want to go.

I've started comfort eating really bad and just feel very lonely.

He feels like I'm a rubbish partner and I don't care about his family but I just feel like i need to work on my self. I'm behind on my uni work and I have the kids all the time so I don't really feel like going to parties.

AIBU for not wanting to go? I'd rather just be in the right frame of mind where I want to go and socialise and I'm just not there yet.

You sound as though you may be depressed. What has your partner actually said to you about the situation?

You don't have to go to all family parties if there are lots of them. It sounds tiring. Let's face it, many of us go to our in-laws out of obligation and it would be an imposition if there were too many of them. Doesn't your OH and his family understand?

There seem to be bigger issues at play here. You have the kids all the time and still have uni work. No wonder you are exhausted and not in the right frame of mind. How old are your dcs and why doesn't your dh do his fair share of parenting and give you some time off (if only to allow you to study but you deserve some leisure time as well).

Are you married to your OH and is he at uni or working?

He's being unreasonable to say you're a 'rubbish partner' - that's pretty demoralizing and unsupportive.

But YABU not to make a bit more effort - you say you're stuck at home stressed with the kids/uni work so getting out would give you a change of scenery, and your DP would see you're making effort. I know it's hard but I'd be attempting to - even if you say to yourself 'I'll just go for an hour'

If you wait until you're in the right frame of mind, it will become harder and harder.

What is DP doing to give you time without the children?

He says it's all down to me why I'm feeling like this. Because of my weight getting me down.

Which is partially true but also I'm so lonely I have no friends which is hard no one ever checks up on me to see if I'm ok other than mum and OH.

It's just so difficult trying to be a good mum keep the house tidy study for uni and want to go out and socialise. I can't do it all.

He helps when he gets home but he gets back late and he often takes the mick hanging round at his mums for ages after work instead of coming straight home.

I'm studying with OU so not at a brick uni

Have you sat down and had The Conversation with him?

The one where you lay it all out for him. How much your life is inside the house, parenting his kids, doing his housework, your coursework and how much he leaves you to it and does little to help relieve you of 100% of the 'wife work'.

Tell him that if he parents his kids for an hour or so you will go out and do something for yourself. Point out very clearly that you cannot do this if he doesn't help, stop spending that time at his mum's instead of coming home to take part in his families life.

Agree with Curious

He is doing very little to enable you to have time to "work on yourself".

When my children were small DH worked long hours and all my time was spent being a mum and a cleaner. I stopped feeling like a person in my own right and with no time to myself i lost sight of who I was.
I had the conversation with DH and he apologised and stepped up. Having children did not impact on his life in the same way as it did mine so he just didnt see it

The bad partner here is him not you.

Because of my weight getting me down

If that's the biggest reason getting you down (and I totally understand, I've been there) then that has to be your priority.

If it's affecting your self esteem, confidence and energy level else then it's going to affect everything and make you miserable.

Look at your eating habits and diet, if you are overweight then set small goals (1lb a week) and look at how you can make positive changes.

I know it's tough, but nothing will change until you change it.