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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Still haven't met his kid?

20 replies

LavenderLender · 18/04/2019 19:05

HI I've been with my boyfriend since March 2018 and he has a 5 year old who I've never met. I don't even think he's told him about me.
I've met his parents and some other family members and he said it's because the kids mother might stop contact, which I don't know if that's true or not.

AIBU to think I should have met him by now??

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2019 19:08

Yes YABU. If it's going to cause problems, what's the point? What's the hurry? It's not all about you, is it?

JacquesHammer · 18/04/2019 19:10

Yes YABU.

It is up to him when he introduces you to his child.

swingofthings · 18/04/2019 19:11

He is happy for his life as a dad and his life as a boyfriend to stay separate. He doesn't, at least so far, envision a family life together.

PinkGlitter123 · 18/04/2019 19:19

I would say he is just being cautious. How long has he been separated for?
To be honest at least he is not one of these parents who introduce their children to a new partner within mere months.

CupcakeDrama · 18/04/2019 21:40

I am going against the grain here, I think over a year is a long time. Saying that I think anything under 6 months isnt good but over a year seems too long to me. If you hadnt met his parents I would be wondering if he wasnt actually single...

Nearlythere1 · 18/04/2019 21:57

@swingofthings I love how you had to get a dig in about his perceived level of commitment. Talk about a backhand comment.

PinkGlitter123 · 18/04/2019 22:29

I do think it depends on how long he has been separated. If its only recently then he can't be judged for being cautious. It's better than the parents who separate, meet new partners then introduce the kids all within 6 months

Original poster

LavenderLender · 18/04/2019 23:23

Hi thanks all for replying. He's been seperated about 2 years maybe a bit longer and she ended it, but as far as I'm aware they have a pretty friendly relationship.

OP posts:

Ayemama · 18/04/2019 23:34

My DH has two older son’s, I met them
About 7 month after we started seeing each other. They were 3 and 5 then, I was just introduced as daddy’s friend and they totally accepted this. We met gradually so that it didn’t seem like I was suddenly always there and now 6 years on we have two children together and I have a great and close relationship with his eldest two.
I think he had mentioned that he was seeing someone to their mums before introducing me to them though (they have different mums).
Just so that they didn’t go back talking about this women the mother had never heard of.
I wouldn’t push. If you are the first serious relationship after splitting with his sons mother he will be worried and he may be waiting for her to get into a relationship first, which is a bit cowardly but understandable really.
But I’d say after a year if I hadn’t been introduced or even mentioned I’d be a bit upset like you seem to be.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 18/04/2019 23:35

I think it’s quite reasonable for him to be cautious but if you don’t, you need to have the conversation with him. Explain that you’d love to meet his DS and do envisage a future together..

PinkGlitter123 · 19/04/2019 08:32

Yes I see he has been separated a while. I think in this scenario he could have introduced you before now but talk to him. Say what you need to and find out where things stand.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/04/2019 08:35

Yes of course it is up to him, but op has been with her dp over a year, it would make me question if he sees a future for us together and is serious, or I am just there for a bit of fun.

Singlenotsingle · 19/04/2019 18:28

I'd be questioning whether he sees you as a keeper, OP.

HopefulAgain10 · 19/04/2019 18:51

Yanbu, his reason is to please his ex rather than his son. I would be concerned about whether he doesnt want to tell her because he might want go get back together.

NameChangeNugget · 19/04/2019 19:19

YABU. A year is no time at all.

Why the rush? Enjoy the dating. Surely that’s the best bit

catx1606 · 20/04/2019 08:28

I think a year is ideal. It gives your relationship a chance to establish itself and isn't rushed. I don't agree with introducing children and a new partner within months. I would now talk to him about meeting his children. Are you two living together, have you spoken about where you see your relationship going?

Petalflowers · 20/04/2019 08:33

Maybe he wanted to wait and see how the relationship was going, and gave himself a benchmark of a year.

However, going forward, I think you need to be slowly introduced, and as Aye says, you can just be ‘Daddy’s friend’ initially. When has he said he wants to introduce you?

JenniferJareau · 20/04/2019 08:36

I think it is odd as it's been over a year.

Have you and he spoken about the future?

lexi873 · 20/04/2019 08:52

I agree with what all the pp’s are saying about not introducing your child to all your new partners in a rush but the OP is saying her partner isn’t introducing them because he’s worried about his ex getting arsey and stopping him seeing his son which is wrong as they split up over 2 years ago, everybody has a right to move on.
If his ex pulls all the strings then I wouldn’t be happy but do you think that’s the truth or is he using her as an excuse?

Indie139 · 21/04/2019 17:15

Ive been seeing a guy a year now and he hasnt met my daughter. Its more to do with the times we meet up though, we only meet up on weekends and usually in the evenings. During the week he finishes late often, goes to play his hobby. We usually meet up at an event, restaurant, bar etc around 8pm so of course my daughter wouldnt be there. Also some weekends shes with her dads family. I dont see the rush tbh..he will have more free time in the next few months so will probably have them meet soon

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