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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a "hen" do that includes male friends...

24 replies

origamiunicorn · 18/04/2019 18:17

Of the people I've told (family) most have said it's a bit weird. Is it really that strange?

Personally, I want to celebrate with friends close to me regardless of whether they are male or female. I work in a small close team of mainly men, my friendship circle outside of work is also about 50/50 and it seems odd to me to invite some people over ones I have known longer just because they're female.

I'd be happy if my DP did the same and told him this He has a close knit team in work, which include two female friends. DP thinks it's a good idea and makes sense but hasn't really thought about it yet. 😆 I don't mind what he does and he doesn't mind what I do. I just don't want other people snickering about it.

E.g. One family member said a hen do is a "tradition" and is about the "last night of freedom" whatever that means. I reminded her DP have been living together eight years now and it's not like anyone really puts on a hen or stag night the night before anyway.

Another family member said that the whole point of a hen do is to do something "girly" like a spa weekend or a girly holiday and we couldn't do that with men there. 😑

Neither of those things are what I'd want for my "hen" anyway. I was thinking of planning an activity like karting or paintballing and then a nice meal later on for those who can't make the activity.

Which is another thing, apparently the the MoH should plan the hen do, but I just want something fairly low-key and I don't expect people to pay 100s for my hen do or to go abroad but that's an AIBU for another day 😏

DP says I should do what I want but I'd like to hear the opinions of independent people ... is it a bit weird? I've never been to a mixed "hen." I'm not even sure why I'm giving this so much head time, I guess it's all about expectation... and I get the feeling some people just want a "hen." Gah, tell me what you honestly think MN!

OP posts:
Tippexy · 18/04/2019 18:20

It does change the dynamic to be fair, but if that’s what you want...

noblegiraffe · 18/04/2019 18:21

The thing about weddings is that you can actually do what you like.

It’s not the law to have a female-only hen do. You don’t even have to have one at all. You could have a joint one with your DH’s friends. It’s entirely up to you.

Fortheloveofscience · 18/04/2019 18:21

I had male friends and my brother at my “hen do” - we went to a restaurant it was lovely Smile.

leiaskye · 18/04/2019 18:21

It’s your hen do, if you want your male friends, that’s your prerogative.

My sister has 3 men on her hen do. Non issue.

woolduvet · 18/04/2019 18:22

I think it's one of those traditions where historically girls would only have girl friends etc
Times have changed, help make new traditions.
Have fun

ILoveAnOwl · 18/04/2019 18:22

My best male friend came to mine. Its your hen do. Do what you want!

AnnieCat84 · 18/04/2019 18:23

I had three men on mine.
Was brilliant fun! I did get a few questions from members of the public to be fair... e.g who is he/why is he with you? Bothered the men more than me!
I think you should totally do it!!

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 18/04/2019 18:24

We went to a ‘sten/hag’ do with mixed group of friends - it was BRILLIANT

Bambamber · 18/04/2019 18:24

Your hen do, your choice. I chose not to have a hen do because I couldn't be arsed.

Bringbackbertha · 18/04/2019 18:27

By the way.... saying paintballing and not wanting to spend 100s in the same conversation doesn't work.... do you know how much paintball costs... and make sure it's way before you day.. those bruises can last a while!

However paintball and karting would have been my dream hen

Rosti1981 · 18/04/2019 18:39

I did, for me my hen do was about spending time with my friends, male and female. I had a baby at part of mine though, too, mind! (afternoon tea). So maybe I have a very broad definition of what a "hen" do looks like.

Notreallyhappy · 18/04/2019 18:42

I think it's a great idea...hate the girly nonsense at hen parties...do what's good for you

Leeds2 · 18/04/2019 18:48

To me, it sounds much more sensible to have a mixed group rather than all female (unless of course you only have female friends). I guess it isn't the "tradition" but that wouldn't bother me, and it sounds like it doesn't bother you either!

UCOinanOCG · 18/04/2019 18:54

I had a 'hen do' that included guys. I was a trailblazer back in 1985! I just wanted to have all my work mates come out with me for a fun night out. It was ace.

NWQM · 18/04/2019 18:58

I did. It was great. A lovely reunion of friends from home and uni friends. It would have seemed odd not too.

Ofalltheginjoints · 18/04/2019 19:06

Go for it OP!

My OH went to his best friends Hen do and he was also chief bridesman at the wedding, they are a close group of friends dating back to school and he wasn’t the only man there and they had a fantastic time.

Just because it isn’t traditional it doesn’t mean it’s wrong

Serenity45 · 18/04/2019 22:43

Do what makes you happy! My brothers and male cousin came to mine (local pub crawl fairly low key but didn't get in til 6am) and it was brilliant as I genuinely love them to bits.

I also (along with some other female colleagues) went on the stag do of a male colleague a few years ago and had a great time.

jackparlabane · 18/04/2019 22:51

Do what you want! I went to one hen do which was jewellery-making and cocktails, and the teacher said welcome to "all you hens - and one cock" - before realising what she said!
Also been to joint 'sten and hag' events like treasure hunts and a pub, or one where there was a choice of activities and then meet up for pizza...

I've never been to a stereotypical hen do with L-plates and willy balloons, though did go to one that was the slightly more tasteful version with a stripper chap. The stags on the same night did similar but the stripper turned out to have been at school with them all so they politely declined.

KittyInTheCradle · 18/04/2019 22:52

Your idea sounds fun! Don't get peer pressured into following conventions for no reason

Original poster
origamiunicorn · 19/04/2019 00:05

Thanks everyone, I am not usually one to feel like I need to justify myself to people but I guess weddings have funny effects on people 😆 I’m just going to go ahead and arrange a “pre wedding party” and do something I’d quite like to do. I’m glad so many of you have done similar and don’t think it’s weird.

The PP who said it changes the dynamic, that’s what my sister said but actually unless we are doing something “girly” which may exclude the men I don’t think it makes a difference. I’ve been to hens where I knew no one and had a great time.

The PP who said paint balling is expensive, you’re probably right I haven’t had a proper look into what I want to do activity wise. I suppose on balance taking someone’s afternoon for an activity is better than expecting them to give up their whole weekend.

OP posts:
Aria999 · 19/04/2019 00:07

DH has an all female stag do 😆

AwdBovril · 19/04/2019 00:12

A friend of mine had men at her hen do. They were her friends more than her DH to-be's, so they went to her do. Some of them also went to the stag do. Seems a bit silly to invite friends of only one sex, especially if you're considering an activity like karting or paintballing.

Crackerjackerknacker · 19/04/2019 00:20

I had two male friends at mine. They were my good friends - it wasn't an issue, I wanted them there, they wanted to come!

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/04/2019 00:22

One of my friends was the only male at a hen do! Bride and he are long term, very close friends so there was no way he was going to be left out. He had a brilliant time...and pulled one of the other hens Smile

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