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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave rather than stick it through?

14 replies

tuesdaysdoll14 · 18/04/2019 16:02

I've been with my DP for 6 years. Our relationship has always been a happy one and we have a lot in common, very cuddly/kissy etc, same group of friends.

We are both 28. I work in teaching and have done for 2 years, earning 24,000 a year. DP has been in and out of temp jobs, has applied for RAF, Police and other civil service jobs but hasn't been getting in (now having to wait six months to apply again). We both have degrees. I was covering nearly all the bills with DP giving 400pcm.

We live in the south east, so rent is expensive. We rented a house together and it was in my name as they wouldn't accept DP on the tenancy being in a temp job- to be fair he has always worked 40 hour week and was earning around 17,000.

I came home a few weeks ago and DP had moved his stuff out- said he couldn't afford the 400pcm anymore and was moving to his parents. I was devastated, and felt stupid, as everything is in my name.

We broke up for a week or two, but got back together with DP agreeing to stay a couple nights a week. In my state of heartbrokeness, I agreed. I thought may be he had left because of something wrong in the relationship, however nothing has changed since he got back and he's still as loving and doting as ever (apart from financially).

Fast forward two months, I am now paying for everything. DP stays up to three nights a week and is contributing nothing. He sometimes will cover cinema if we go, or meals out but this is far and few inbetween. He is paying his parents £80.00 a week rent, too. He doesn't gamble, smoke and only drinks once a week, so not sure where all his money goes. I even mentioned I might need a second job to cover the bills, meaning I'd work a 16 hour day, and his reponse was 'oh that's gonna be tough'.

I just feel mortified. it feels like we are going backwards and EVERYthing is on his terms. Our bills are still two person bills, apart from council tax, as the companies for water etc are not willing to look at the accounts until the end of the year.

I feel like an absolute mug- his mums delighted to have him back, she loves to dote on him (washing, cleaning, wiping his chin).

Should I give up on six years and go?

OP posts:
LEDadjacent · 18/04/2019 16:07

Yes, end it. What a selfish git.

GlassSuppers · 18/04/2019 16:08

LTB. There's better men out there than him. He's using you.

KatnissMellark · 18/04/2019 16:10

Get rid.

Samind · 18/04/2019 16:11

absolutely leave. He's giving his parents money that he could be giving to you and let's you struggle?? No way!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/04/2019 16:12

God yes, end it now. He's managing to be a total cocklodger without even living there!!!

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2019 16:13

Dump this cocklodger. You can do SO much better. All he's doing is wasting your time and dragging you down.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 18/04/2019 16:14

Leave. Well, chuck him out. You shouldn't put up with this even slightly.

GabriellaMontez · 18/04/2019 16:17

So he's still earning 17k? But contributing nothing to your bills anymore?
Time waster. Let mummy have him back.

You're so young. You'll find someone better.

MynameisJune · 18/04/2019 16:19

You’re 28, you do not want to waste anymore time on this loser. Find someone who will respect you as an equal and want to contribute equally to your lives together.

Whatever you do don’t marry or have kids with this man child cocklodger.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 18/04/2019 16:20

*he's still as loving and doting as ever (apart from financially)

So he wants all the nice bits of a grown up, co-habiting relationship but none of the sacrifice or financial responsibility?

Run, OP. He's a selfish prick.

PolarBearBubbles · 18/04/2019 16:30

Absolutely, what a waste of space.
I'm baffled as to how you can afford to live in the SE on a joint income of around £40k?

GabriellaMontez · 18/04/2019 16:31

'Stick it through' - you're way too young to be using this phrase about your 'partner '. Until what? You're old?

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 18/04/2019 16:31

Consider it time well spent learning how to spot a manchild, lazy cocklodger and drop him now. WTAF? Get rid and do not date again until you do some serious work on your self-esteem and get some firmer boundaries in place.

Do not fall for the Fallacy of Sunken Costs.

This guy has 'LOSER' written all over him.

It's fab that he doesn't actually live there. Easier for you to tell him, 'This isn't working for me. I'm ending this once and for all,' and delete him from your life.

woollyheart · 18/04/2019 16:46

So he is saving approx £20 per week? But now has use of two homes for only £80 per week, none of which goes to his joint expenses with you.

It's taken you 6 years to realise that he isn't ready to be an adult, and isn't ashamed to live off you.

Sunk cost fallacy says that if you have wasted time and money on something or someone, and it isn't working, it is best to pull the plug and stop wasting any further time or money. He wants a pleasant girlfriend with no obligations or responsibilities. If that isn't what you want, you need to end it.

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