AIBU to want DH to take more care in his appearance?

[lazymumsmh]

Expecting to get flamed here.

DH and I have been married 6 years. 15 month old DS.

When we met he was well presented, dressed well and looked after himself (shaved regularly, got haircuts every few weeks etc)

Nowadays he forgets to shave and gets annoyed when I flinch when he kisses me, he always asks me to cut his hair (which I hate doing because it always looks botched!) he won't style it or do anything with it, he's also got lazy with things like brushing his teeth properly and has some staining which I find slightly off putting, he still dresses well but spends a lot of time in work clothes or pjamas.

I've tried subtly hinting that he needs to book a hairdresser, go to the barbers. He did say to be the other day "are my teeth offputting" to which I had to be very tactful and say that I think he needs to see a hygeniest for a bit of stain removal maybe.

I don't know, I still fancy him - just less. I just wish he put a bit more care into his appearance. I get regular hair/nail treatments, sunbeds, try to always make an effort. I just wish he did the same.

How do I get him to start taking more care, without insulting or offending him?

YANBU on the teeth side of things but I think YABU on the shaving/hair.

The teeth thing there would be the only thing that would be upsetting for me

Does he really care that you get your nails done or go on sunbeds though? I suspect he really doesn't give a shit (in the nicest way).

The oral hygiene would bother me, but the rest of it is really his choice.

Teeth thing is a bit yuck from a hygienic point of view but me and my DH spend 90% of our time at home in PJs sooooooooo

YANBU.

Sounds grim

he's also got lazy with things like brushing his teeth properly and has some staining which I find slightly off putting

Yanbu
This is grim and would put me off I’d always be thinking how bad will it get (eg in 5 years 10 etc)

The stubble would drive me crazy because it hurts me and I just think it’s laziness on his side (ie it doesn’t affect him so what’s the problem)

the teeth thing is hygiene
ugh

YANBU at all.
Come on , just because you’re married doesn’t mean you lose sight of personal hygiene & basic grooming.

Come on , just because you’re married doesn’t mean you lose sight of personal hygiene & basic grooming.

But growing a beard is one of those things that's just personal opinion, surely? A man with a beard isn't automatically a man that doesn't care about his appearance.

I get where you're coming from. My husband is currently going through a stage where he's decided to 'grow out his hair'. I love him to death and I'd never tell him but he looks like he's been electrocuted
On the other hand if I did something to alter my appearance and he told me I looked awful, I'd be really hurt. Hopefully just a stage...?

Is allowed to dictate to you about your appearance? Usual double standards on display, stop bullying him!

Hair and shaving are up to him, but it's up to you if you cut it yourself. Just tell him you don't want to, that's what hairdressers are for! As for shaving though, I would hate to have to keep shaving my face and my partner would never tell me he expected me to shave any part of my body constantly, my body my choice. Pjs, we both wear all the time around the house, maybe he just wants to feel comfortable and relax.
Teeth though he needs to sort out, maybe say you are going to the dentist yourself and book him in at the same time? Then he has no excuse. Brushing is more of a pain, just try and lay down the law I guess. Good luck