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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not lend my friend money

74 replies

smurfgirl · 14/07/2007 23:19

Mate just rang me and asked me to come and meet her at the cash machine to lend her money for her night out because it just swallowed her card.

And I said no.

Its late and I am in my pajamas, she can get home from where she is.

I don't have loads of money in my bank account and I don't want to give her £30 and then have to wait for a week or so until she can get me more.

I would maybe lend her some so she can get to work, but not for a night out at this time. Am I being horrid?

OP posts:
cat64 · 15/07/2007 00:35

This reply has been deleted

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MotherFunk · 15/07/2007 00:36

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electra · 15/07/2007 00:37

I would never, ever ask anyone to lend me money under such circumstances, and I wouldn't expect anyone to ask me unless it was an emergency tbh. So no I think it's not unreasonable of you to say no.

EscapeFrom · 15/07/2007 00:37

Not unreasonable if you wouldn't ask her to do the same for you.

very rude of her to ask, actually!

MotherFunk · 15/07/2007 00:38

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j20baby · 15/07/2007 00:47

smurfgirl doesn't have dc's yet nor does she drive i don't think, looks like she's gone to bed now

MotherFunk · 15/07/2007 00:55

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LordPan · 15/07/2007 00:55

tbh, it isn't unreasonable to say 'no'..just something MF and I wouldn't mind doing for a friend. That's all, it seems.

MotherFunk · 15/07/2007 00:57

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nappyaddict · 15/07/2007 00:58

if it was for something important like food or to pay for electricity or something i might. but not a night out.

HelenLoveJoyOfSpringfield · 15/07/2007 01:00

She is a student nurse, there are nurses on here & she may also be able to offer advice on some things

She also hangs out on the wedding threads.

And she may just be looking for ideas on parenting & to use the TTC boards when the time comes

nappyaddict · 15/07/2007 01:03

yes i also don't understand why she couldn't borrow it off someone she was out with.

lunalovegoodasgold · 15/07/2007 01:13

Probably and in my own experience, when you can't afford to carry on drinking and partying all disco dancing and everything, its probably the time to just go home. And be grateful in the morning for all the silly stuff you didn't do.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 15/07/2007 01:13

you are not ureasonable, the cheek of your friend! in an emergency, by all means go and help her, for funding a night out? please....

MotherFunk · 15/07/2007 01:14

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tigermoth · 15/07/2007 08:54

Depends on whether you'd ask the same of her if you were on a night out and had a cash crisis.

If you've relied on her like this then she's not being unreasonable in asking you.

tatt · 15/07/2007 09:02

depend on how close a friend really. If they are really an acquaintance no, someone you've known all your life yes. It's unreasonable of her to ask but for a close friend I'd go -- and grumble . If 30 pounds was really a problem for me I might say I could only manage 10 or 20.

Original poster
smurfgirl · 15/07/2007 10:15

I did go to bed.

The girl she as with also had no money (I went shopping with the friend that rang me earlier that day) and we had discussed that. My friend had already lent her some money so I was worried I would end up funding their whole night out.

I don't have a car, she wanted me to walk to the nearest cash point (about 10 mins walk) to meet her there with my card.

And I don't have loads of spare money. I don't know when she will be able to pay me back - she works full time and so won't get to the bank until next week I imagine.

Oh and she owes me £20 from shopping (i paid for a few things for her so she could get my student discount on it).

But I do feel really guilty. Hmm.

OP posts:
EscapeFrom · 15/07/2007 11:00

She already owes you money, and rang you at midnight to ask for more? OUTRAGEOUS at the cheeck of that!

allgonebellyup · 15/07/2007 11:03

why shouldnt she be out when most folk are in bed? just cos most people are in bed doesnt mean she cant have a night out!

although half eleven is prob a bit late to call you, i went out at 4am on holiday and had to call someone to transfer money to me!i probably wasnt too popular!

allgonebellyup · 15/07/2007 11:04

if she works full time, she should be able to fund herself though!

HelenLoveJoyOfSpringfield · 15/07/2007 11:52

No-one said she shouldn't be out when most folk are in bed! I was simply quoting what my mother used to say about my oldest brother!

So SG you had already lent her cash through the day

Stop feeling guilty... you have your own life to fund, not fund her also.

Original poster
smurfgirl · 15/07/2007 12:56

She is really pissed off at me but I just wish she would let me explain

I can lend her £20 on Tuesday to keep her going through the week but she is not interested.

OP posts:
HelenLoveJoyOfSpringfield · 15/07/2007 13:00

That's not fair on you

She hasn't really got the right to be pissed off at you considering she already owes you money from yesterday.... it is just adding on more that she owes you!

Is there any way you can tell her that just can't afford to lend her it as you need it yourself?

j20baby · 15/07/2007 13:11

smurfy, i assume she had the money in the bank but it swallowed her card? she will be able to go into a bank to withdraw some until she gets a new card, even if she works full time, she must get a dinner hour.

YANBU