My sister messaged me yesterday telling me my elderly aunt is in hospital and not in a good way. My sister had already been to visit her.
Back story, I will try to be brief. My mum died 3 years ago, from cancer. I looked after my mum in my house, for about a year, until I couldn’t any longer and she went into a care home. I visited everyday. My aunt and uncle visited her in both settings. When at home, I made them sandwiches, tea and made them feel welcome. On bad days, I would rearrange their visit at my mum’s request.
My mum had better days and bad days. My mum had expressed she didn’t want visitors on a bad day. My aunt and uncle visited on a bad day in the care home. My aunt got really upset. My uncle told me it had affected her really badly for days after.
I phoned my uncle and suggested that if he checked with me before hand, I could let him know if it was better or bad day before visiting.
He phoned my sister in tears and said it was his sister and I am controlling when they can visit! My sister said she had explained I was thinking of my mum and aunt. I thought all was ok and tbh I was visiting my mum everyday, had enough to deal with, I didn’t phone to check they were ok.
My aunt and uncle haven’t spoken to me for 3 years. They have kept in touch with my sister, checked she is ok after losing my mum, visited and so on.
I don’t know if I should visit? Or even if I would be welcome? Would I be unreasonable not to visit?