to find this creepy?

[GrumpyCrocodile]

I have found out that my ex has shaved years off his age on a dating app. According to his profile he’s 28, when actually he’s in his mid thirties.

I finally left him due to his abusive behaviour, and feel he is looking to target younger women whom he may feel he has a better chance of being able to control. (I’m younger than him and was late teens when we started going out.)

But whether or not that’s his motive, AIBU to find it a very creepy thing to do?

I’m not on these apps and sites so maybe I’m out of touch and everyone does it.

I think there are a lot of "white lies" being told on dating apps. Weight, height and age being the ones that people falsify the most.

You are well-rid of your ex by the sounds of things though. Leave him in the past where he belongs.

Does it matter? its not your problem now. My ex tells people he is childless (he has 5 kids)

Thanks, yes I remember hearing about the height and weight thing now you mention it. But those would come to light upon meeting, whereas he could keep up the age lie till he got what he wanted.

I wish I never had to deal with him again but unfortunately have dd with him.

Does it matter? its not your problem now. My ex tells people he is childless (he has 5 kids)

No you’re right it’s not my problem. I’m also not proposing to do anything about it. My friend mentioned it to me and she and I both found it creepy, so I wondered what the general consensus was.

POF would chuck them off the site for less. I'd report him.

And yes, of course it's creepy. Deluded twat!

This forum was designed for moral dilemmas, not ex bashing.

I would have thought the world and his dog shave years, and pounds, add height and use a decades old picture on dating apps.

This forum was designed for moral dilemmas.

Are you sure? I don’t think a lot of the threads here reflect that particularly?

Anyway, the moral question was whether or not it is creepy to lie about one’s age on a dating app, particularly if using said lie to enable abusive behaviour.

Thanks for your response that it’s commonplace to lie about everything on these dating apps. (I do still feel age is different from weight/height/appearance because it’s the one that might not be shown up upon meeting.)

Just leave him to it! gosh reporting get a grip! theres nothing to stop him lying about his age IRL. Stop wasting so much energy on an ex. and yes I would say most people lie on those sites.

Anyway, the moral question was whether or not it is creepy to lie about one’s age on a dating app, particularly if using said lie to enable abusive behaviour

Well, he's an abuser so he's doing what abusers do. Proof that abusers don't change. He's someone else's problem now.

Truth will out. He will get rumbled by his next GF eventually. Lying is so stupid, but it happens every day.

I am on one of those apps - I can’t remember if it’s pof (I think it is!) and it’s frozen my age from when I last signed in a few years ago. I have tried changing it and can’t. I prefer older men and have no hang ups about being 38, but I am 34 on it and can’t change it. Lots of profiles actually say “I’m actually X age - not sure why it says differently” so I wouldn’t assume automatically it’s something he’s done on purpose.

That said, my ex is nearly 60 and had his age as 47. His kids even think he’s 47. He goes after women in their early 20s, and for the first 6 months of our relationship refused to tell me how old he really was..... THAT was creepy!

@CupcakeDrama

Thanks.

Don’t worry, I’m expending minimal energy — just felt like posting while toddler was asleep.

I also did not say I was reporting him. I said I wasn’t proposing to do anything.

@Theninjawhinger

That’s v interesting about the age freezing thing. We were together when he was 28 so if that is what happen with him it’s interesting from a different perspective!

Very creepy your ex kept his age from you like that!

My friend says this app was either Match.com or Tinder, she can’t remember which.

i dont know about creepy, just bigging himself up, you had a lucky escape,
best not to know

@CupcakeDrama
I see nothing wrong with calling him out on this, by reporting him.
Shit you not, there was a profile on POF by a guy whose profession was 'doctor of autistic children'. Even if such a profession did exist, his spelling and grammar would suggest that he wasn't up to the task. There were other red flags too, and it was clear he was trying to target women with vulnerable kids. I reported him, and his profile was promptly removed.

Yes, people do lie about age and appearance on these things, but most often not for nefarious reasons. If someone abusive lied significantly about their age, then hell yeah, I'd report. What is there to lose, and maybe you could help someone else out in the process.

One of my DM's pronouncements was "Liars need good memories" and I would imagine that he will soon come adrift if he progresses to RL meeting. General events come up in conversation, and you'd really have to prepare your back story with care if you were in your late teens when something momentous happened, rather than a small child, for example. There's also the consideration of his personal appearance; claiming to be 28 when he's actually in his mid-thirties might lead people to think "he's been through the mill a bit!", unless he's a very well-preserved specimen. Better to be honest about your real age, and have people think you don't look that old!
Possibly self-deluding rather than creepy.......
Personally, I claim to be approaching 21, but I'm not saying from which direction!

I just dont think you can police your exes life. Hes not doing anything illegal. Stop wasting your energy on your exes life that really isnt any of your business anymore, you will be happier that way!