to think this controlling or is it love?

[cheeseandveg]

My friend has been married for 10 years,1DC. Is this a controlling relationship or is it what being in Love is like...
They’re always together, touching each other, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, stroking etc almost always instigated by the husband. If you ask DC a question she will look at Dad before speaking. He sets quite strict rules within the home. Too many to go into, but one is that the DC thinks she has a camera in her room and if she gets out of bed an alarm will go off. He told friend how to breastfeed, he told/tells friend how to style DC hair even though she’s a hairdresser, he organises everything they do socially.

Yeah he sounds like an arse.is it your friend or is it you? Keep your beak out if it's not you but yeah does sound like he thinks he owns them!!

From the way you’ve pitched it, it sounds heavily controlling.

Do you really need MN posters to tell you?

He sounds controlling as hell. Can’t see much love at all!

It’s not me and I’d never say anything, I was just wondering if it’s normal and I’m the one missing out on what a real relationship is like!

Well obviously it's controlling but maybe shes happy.

It’s only come up as we spent the day together yesterday and I couldn’t keep up with the rules! My DC and friends DC were playing together and every 5 minutes it was “You can’t do that”

The camera and alarm in the child’s room is horrendous! How old is the child?

What a stupid thing to say lagunabubbles. I don't believe you can be happy in a controlling relationship. You can be confused, demoralized, dehumanised, denigrated, and beaten down (literally) but not happy.

And don't keep your beak out OP. It's the support of friends and family that make the difference and give women the strength to believe they can get away. Keep up with your friend and let her know that you are there for her.

But be patient. It takes a woman an average of 12 attempts before she will successfully leave an abusive relationship.

That sounds awful, that poor woman, poor kid.

What a stupid thing to say lagunabubbles. I don't believe you can be happy in a controlling relationship

No its not a stupid thing to say. This is someone we don't know so she may well be happy letting her DH decide on everything. Whether anyone else things it's controlling, abusive etc or not.

This sounds almost exactly like the now exP of a close friend of mine. In the early days she mistook the constant cuddling/hand-holding etc as affection. Strict rules at home which became progressively worse. Thinks he knows better than anyone about everything despite never having achieved anything noteworthy either educationally or at work. He progressed to controlling her social life and even tried to dictate where she could work. He even ticked the box for putting cameras in to monitor the kids at night. She eventually left him when she realised that whether or not it was his way of showing love she just couldn't handle constantly feeling suffocated.