AIBU to cancel health visitor?

[Thejoysof2boys]

Hi

AIBU?

DS2 is 11 days old, and I live in London but I am currently staying out in Essex with my parents for a couple of days as DP had to go away for work unexpectedly. The health visitor called on Monday and asked to come on Weds but we had planned a day out, I tried to schedule the appointment for next week but she was very insistent that she must come this week and Fri and Mon are bank holidays. She said she would try to move someone else and come on Thursday instead which I agreed to.

I have to travel an hour to get home just for this appointment and there are lots of protests going on right now in London where I live practically outside my door which is causing travel disruption. I know I am going to struggle in the morning to get home on the tube with a newborn and a toddler (22 months), and I am very tempted to just cancel and stay at my parents.

I know they have their time limits but I have no concerns with DS2 and we have already been visited by the midwife, would it be bad to cancel and would there be any implications?

Does anyone else have experience of a similar situation? I would feel very bad cancelling at the last minute especially if she had moved someone else but this is really going to be inconvenient for me. It's also not really my fault that they're struggling to fit everyone in before Easter bank holiday.

Rearrange or cancel, don't put yourself out if you have no concerns. I have been given bad advice/diagnoses by HV's twice now on different babies and both times I just took my baby to the GP and both times she was perplexed and laughed at their 'diagnosis' that had got me concerned. If you feel happy with how everything is, stay where are you, you don't the extra stress of travelling. And on a different baby when I needed bit of support the HV was brilliant so I don't mean to offend anyone who is or knows a HV.

Does anything important need to be done? Skin prick or hearing test? If you can’t make it this week, just schedule for next week. You aren’t being awkward. You just aren’t home because you’re staying with family. Offer for her to travel to you if it’s that important?

You can always ask to be seen by the hv team local to your mother instead, they can then share the records, just say you wont be back in your local area for a while.

No worries @SoyDora - that HV sounds horrendous. We get a really bad reputation. I tell my clients I will be there for as little or as much as they want. We have to do certain visits and certain times for audits and the like, but I don't break my back to meet the targets as sometimes it's just not feasible. I've had some be admitted and they've / I've postponed visits and just texted them to say let me know when you want me to come.

I am very lucky with my job as I get on well with most of my clients, it's a very rewarding job most of the time.

I hope you recovered well after that mastitis - and I am in awe at you still feeding after that! I was so so lucky I didn't get it with my DS. You should report that HV!

nespressowoo thank you, I did actually report her (not just for that, she also gave me some spectacularly bad advice such as to feed my breastfed newborn water to encourage her to go longer between feeds!) and received an apology.
I carried on feeding DD2 for nearly a year and am now feeding DC3, thankfully haven’t had mastitis again!

My third has never seen a HV, my second only twice. It’s not a huge deal to cancel if you want to

Thanks everyone for the advice I think I will try to reschedule in the morning.

I am happy for them to come next week just don't want to travel home unnecessarily.

Hearing test and heel prick has already been done so no concerns there!

I believe you are not under any obligation to attend health visitor appointments.

You are able to opt out . I wouldn’t though .

I opted out. No issues.
I didnt find the service any use with my first two kids. Reported her harassing me into an appointment for the third, she turned up to my last midwife appointment, and I recieved an apology from her and the service manager and was sent back the notes she'd made/pages from the red book she filled and took, as I'd never really agreed to see her or give that info, she'd blindsided me at the midwife clinic.

I never had one. Just cancel.

Have you seen the HV since little one was born?

I’m in Scotland and I was told by a HV your baby isn’t “on the system” until they’ve been seen by the HV so a delay to their first visit means that their injections can be delayed.

^ that’s not the case in England.

Just phone in the morning and say that you are extending your stay with your parents due to the travel chaos on public transport, but when you are home you will call and make an appointment.

Gosh, I can’t believe the animosity towards HVs on MN. If NHS cuts meant that HVs were to be scrapped I would have anticipated an outcry but maybe not? Obviously I was lucky years ago when I had young children and a few visits from the HV was welcome and nothing to worry about.

OP, I think you should just cancel the appointment just because the travelling would put you under additional stress. Congratulations on your new baby.

@soydora I wondered if that was just a Scottish thing. Thank you.

Nannewnannew I think there is only animosity towards them when people have had bad experiences. I had one great health visitor, but unfortunately an extremely poor experience with another. It doesn’t mean I hate all health visitors, but does mean I’m less inclined to change my schedule to accommodate them etc.

Just cancel and let them know that you know where they and and will reschedule (if you want too) when it is more convenient.

Any decent health visitor will appreciate that you are staying with supportive family as your DH is away and travelling home is not ideal for you are your children. As others have said it’s optional anyway.

@nespressowoo
I had two fantastic Health Visitors, with my eldest I had PND and my HV came to see me twice a week for ages. She was so kind and listened and gently encouraged me. She always told me I was doing a great job.
My second HV assessed my daughter for speech problems and was so helpful and explained everything she was doing. She was great with kids too.
You sound like a good one!

You're away. Cancel and don't feel bad about it. Don't stress yourself out travelling when you have an 11 day old.
I won't be seeing another HV next pregnancy, I've never found them useful. The last one knew I was a single mum and it was like she'd just come round for a coffee and chat and wanted to sit and talk bollocks. Including the gem, 'oh you know I was reading some research that fathers have to start bonding with the baby while they're still in your tummy and build a strong relationship otherwise the baby will experience emotional issues and not trust men when they're older so it's worth having a word with the father'. 😂

I've had bad experiences with HVs so I may be biased but even if they are amazing- if you are ok, and baby is ok, and getting to meet then would stress you out, surely only a crazy HV would suggest you do it.
Just phone and explain

mouse501 thats not the case in scotland either health visitors are optional as are injections. i dont see a health visitor but all by children have had their injections all they do on that side of things is remind you when they are needed to be done. You just book them in at the nurse at your gp surgery when they are due them you can get the time line on nhs wensite or ask the gp.

No I would stay put. I know loads of people who have rejected visits, especially 2nd time parents, because they were inconvenient. HV service isn’t compulsory.

@woolyjumper it is maybe a peculiarity of NHS Tayside - it’s not the GP that does the jags, it’s a specific infant injection team that do them.

I'm a HV and it is not unusual for new mums to stay elsewhere for a short period after birth, often staying with family for a little bit of support. In this situation we would inform the HV team where you are staying so that they can do the new birth visit between 10-14 days. If you choose not to accept this, then of course that is your choice. I would then catch up with you when you are at your usual address. I would definitely not travel to you, unless you were still within my area or expect you to travel back to see me.
We deliver the Healthy Child Programme which means several scheduled visits in the pre-school years. As others have said, it is not compulsory and you can opt out. I'm always amazed at the vitriol HV's often receive on here and don't recognise a lot of what is said about us. Of course there are good and bad in every profession but in the main, we are very experienced health professionals. I previously trained as a nurse, then midwife before becoming a HV. I'm also a lactation consultant. I have over 30 years experience in the NHS and I'm 50 years old now. My colleagues have varying backgrounds which include learning disability and mental health nursing as well as adult and child branch nursing. A big recruitment drive a few years back saw some people enter the profession who were very newly qualified in their primary qualification so I expect they have less experience to draw upon.
I would hate for new and expectant mums would be put off by what the read on here, love us or hate, us we do deliver a valuable service to many.

We would raise an eyebrow if we are refused and it would be discussed in a team meeting, largely because it is so unusual for that to happen. But unless there are safeguarding concerns, then nothing will happen by your decision. In reality, the majority of our work is safeguarding. We actually have very little time to see normal families, often one visit and then we pass to a staff nurse to see you for future contacts. Congratulations on your new arrival.