My manipulative mil

[DreamBeaver]

It's always a sales pitch with this women with guilt and lies. Your gran is in severe pain so it would cheer her up if you did xyz. It could be your grans last Christmas, birthday so you have to visit on the exact day we want (boxing day isn't good enough). She has even faked having Multiple sclerosis for a few months in the past. Her latest gem is if we don't allow bil who has depression to visit we could really set him back with his depression/ tip him over the edge. Why can't she just ask like a normal person and except no for an answer and that some days are not convenient etc.

No one can manipulate you unless you allow it. You can't change your MIL, but you can change how to cater to her bullshit. Put an end to it and let her throw a tantrum if she so chooses.

How do you know she's faking MS?

It could be anyone's last Christmas, birthday, etc as none of us know when we're going to die! So turn that back on her and say "well it could be my last one too and I'm going to do xyz"

You can only be manipulated if you let yourself be.

She has even faked having Multiple sclerosis for a few months in the past

How?

BingandFlop2019 she told everyone she had MS for months, I even told my parents ow poor mil has MS and I felt really sorry for her. Then she suddenly no longer had it and its never been mentioned since and no one calls her up on it/ mentions it. You can't just get rid of MS can you or be mistaken in having it??

PurpleDaisies she told everyone she had been diagnosed with it. And I didn't question her at the time about her symptoms etc. I assumed no one would lie about having something like that

She told you she no longer has it?

MS can have relapses in some cases. A person can be virtually symptom free for any length of time then suddenly have a relapse so I'd tread carefully. Also it can be largely invisible to others in that you cannot tell someone has it. They may limp, they may he wheelchair bound or they may walk absolutely fine.....

It's also more dh that is manipulated by it. It's a combination between not really seeing a problem with her behaviour and shrugging his shoulders about it

People with MS can go into remission

BingandFlop2019 it was years ago now. MS has never been mentioned again. But at the time she mentioned it non stop.

She said she was mistaken about having MS. After telling everyone she had been diagnosed with it

It depends on which type of MS she has. My dad had then progressive type which makes you continually go downhill he had very few ‘good’ days. My old manager had ‘benign MS’ which is where you have flare ups and then periods of remission. Ask her which type she has and how she was diagnosed. It can’t be picked up easily from a blood test and my dad needed a lumbar puncture to definitively diagnose it. Which specialist is she seeing? Ask the questions as if you are just a concerned family member and you will find out if she is bullshitting or not.

Likethebattle it was years ago now. And I didn't question her at the time about it. She then said she was mistaken about having it. I thought nothing of it at the time but now with all her emotional blackmail I think it was just another way to manipulate people in to doing things she wants.