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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To strive for happiness over money

25 replies

winobaglady · 17/04/2019 12:46

Seen a few threads, asking about being high earners, how a poster became a high earner, and how to meet a high earner. Got me thinking about my own situation.
I am not a high earner, earn £35,000 full time. However, the other benefits such as great sickness benefits, annual leave, toil, overtime and Flexi working add lots too.
I'm not suggesting high earners are not happy, but AIBU to think being happy at work is as important as the amount you earn?

OP posts:

babysharkah · 17/04/2019 12:47

I want enough money for it to be easier to be happier.

Youmatter · 17/04/2019 12:57

I think when you’re skint all your problems are resolved by money. Because most of us are suffocating and feel like the money is an escape.

In reality this isn’t the case.

We’re all people despite the money we have. And when it really comes down to it, you could have it all and never be happy.

thiscannotbenormal · 17/04/2019 12:59

Happy at work is great but, for me, the thing is what happens when you retire? Will you be comfortable and be able to travel the world whilst helping your kids out (if you choose)? That for me is everything

Palepinkpalepink · 17/04/2019 13:01

Are you single?

woodcutbirds · 17/04/2019 13:06

I agree with you (most of the time) OP. Both DH and I do jobs we love which bring in far less money than if we'd chosen high flying careers. But we spend a lot of time with DC and always have done, we split childcare and housework completely 50/50 and we have a lot of leisure time to go for long walks, read books, go out as a family. Even though DC are now teens, we are still very close to them, and have also managed to sort out any problems they've had early before they become serious issues, which I'm sure is because one or other of us is always home. They never come back to an empty house after a tough day at school or a fal out with friends.

We earn enough to live on and to have one holiday a year- we always go somewhere great but on the cheap - airbnb; cheap flights etc.

Sometimes I wish we had enough money to do up our house as it is a shabby tip but neither of us is that house proud. As long as it's clean and relatively tidy and full of things that make it feel like home, I can just about put up with the fact that its dated and the carpets need replacing.

Slazengerbag · 17/04/2019 13:08

I’m with you op. Our household income is about £55k which I think is fantastic. On here it’s classed as pittance.

Dh and I both love our jobs and worked hard to get them (just as hard as those on £100k). We could change careers and earn more money but what’s the point? We are happy as we are. Our work/life balance is fantastic. When I’m on my death bed I’m not going to wish I early more money.

User59720gpwn82210 · 17/04/2019 13:10

To me being happy in my job has always been the most important factor. Having said that, whilst I've never been a top earner, I've always been on good money and never been in a low paid job.

I should imagine that on NMW most would always want more money. Usually if you've chosen a profession there's more to it than just money.

Money is not a motivator but lack of money is a de-motivator.

user1487194234 · 17/04/2019 13:15

Is there not a figure that it is reckoned beyond which more money doesn't make you happy Maybe about £40k ?
It is terrible to be struggling for money( I was when much younger),but as long as that is not the case money is certainly not the be all and end all for me
My DH and I both work similar hours for similar money,and share all childcare house work etc.

I could never have gone down the' husband has big job and I facilitate that 'oute

Spanglyprincess1 · 17/04/2019 13:23

I worked overseas for a while and saved enough to buy my house with no mortgage. I no don't care now as my job is flexible, lower pay but I can spend all the time with my 9 mth old and still afford 2-3 cheaper holidays a year with him.
I could have got a mogage and a. Much bigger posher house. But I'd rather be with my son!

Asta19 · 17/04/2019 13:26

I think it stems from what brings you happiness in the first place. For some that is big houses, private schools for their DC etc. That is what makes them happy. For others, as long as they have enough to live, have some fun etc, then they are happy. Neither are right or wrong.

I definitely lack the "go getter" gene! As long as I earn enough for what I want then I don't really care about how much is in the bank. I wouldn't turn down a large sum of money if someone gave it to me, but I don't care enough about it to work long hours in a stressful job.

vegpatch · 17/04/2019 13:31

I absolutely agree that happiness is more important than money, but I also think that 35,000, while not considered 'High' in the world of mumsnet, is a decent wage...certainly enough not to have to worry too much about making ends meet. It's very difficult to be happy when you are totally skint, worrying about paying bills or putting food on the table. I think when you are at that point, money (or the lack of it) does feel all consuming, and the feeling that money would solve your problems is probably not unrealistic.
Once you get past the point where you can afford a half decent life though, I'd take happiness over money any day :)

HeyNannyNanny · 17/04/2019 13:32

I think that money and happiness are interlinked, but really are two entirely seperate things - you can be rich and happy, poor and happy, somewhere in between and happy (and vice versa).

I think people should focus more on what they think will make their life fulfilling and happy, for some that means more money than others.

People seem to like to jump on high earners with "money doesn't buy you happiness" or "real life is being poor".

I've been on benefits and I've been on six figures, I would rate my happiness overall as about the same in both those situations but as a high earner I'm more likely to be able to maintain that happiness and have the resources to offset any problems that would have more negatively impacted me when I was poor.

THEsonofaBITCH · 17/04/2019 14:07

Pre children, happiness over money. After children, money is a deciding factor though tried to pick something I could be somewhat happy in.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 17/04/2019 14:11

For me it’s work life balance. I earn 50k a year which means I can afford a mortgage, a holiday for me and the dc and put some away for a pension. Not much left after that. But I work from home. Have the freedom to walk my dc to school, pick them up and generally come and go as I please, as long as my customers and boss are happy. I must be doing a good job as I’ve just been given an award for my services.

I could go and get maybe another 30k a year which would mean I’d be v comfy, but I might not have the flexibility. So I’m not looking to move jobs.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 17/04/2019 14:13

Something to add to my previous post, would be that I’d have taken the 30k before dc... I have climbed and been a high earner. But now I’m in the position to pick and choose. And I choose work / life balance

Twolittlespeckledfrogs · 17/04/2019 14:15

We’re on about that wage between us and we’re lucky enough that on that amount of money our family is pretty comfortable. It means we are able to share childcare and housework more equally and still have plenty of time all together. I doubt I will ever go back to work full time.

I don’t worry about being able to afford an exciting life after retirement. I’m having my life now. Who knows if I will live to retirement, or have many years of good enough health to go travelling after retiring. The retirement age is going up and up and you never know how life will pan out.

I think getting a good balance between work and the rest of your life is even more important now the expectation is that we will be working much later.

RomanyQueen1 · 17/04/2019 14:21

I'm one who doesn't want more anything There lies ruin.
We don't have much but we see life, and are happy.
we'll always be poor by everyone else's standard, but that's fine as it's not our standard.
Life is too short to be continuously wanting more.
I think you are far more successful in life if you have reached self actualisation and live life the way you want to, rather than having to keep up a particular lifestyle, or in debt to pay for a lifestyle.

Loopytiles · 17/04/2019 14:21

Much depends on your circumstances, eg housing costs, any partner and/or DC.

Low paid jobs can be long hours/stressful.

Loopytiles · 17/04/2019 14:22

Medium and long term, eg pension, earnings in case of relationship breakdown, is important too.

drquin · 17/04/2019 14:38

Yes and no .... and I'm speaking from personal experience this year.

I am "happier" now doing a job which I enjoy, than I was a year ago.
But I'm earning about 25% less. Fortunate that pretty much I've been able to absorb that without massive changes (e.g. same car, house ... but more ALDI than M&S shopping though!)

But, money pays the bills. Things would need to get an awful lot worse for me before state benefits would ever kick in. And quite right - because the vast majority of my financial commitments were made through choice based on previous earnings.

I've talked about this before in relation to lottery wins - would it make you happy? Most of us would say we would be "happy" or "happier" - but that happiness is coming from financial security. No money worries, and I wouldn't knock that for a minute.

Conversely, it's possibly to be "unhappy" when financially secure, even affluent or rolling in it. You won't have money worries, but doesn't guarantee the rest of it,

The old adage "money doesn't buy happiness" is true .... all it buys is financial security and financial freedom.

Happiness is somewhere in the middle!!

Original poster

winobaglady · 17/04/2019 14:43

@palepinkpalepink I am married with children. DH earns same as me.

OP posts:

Sweetbabycheezits · 17/04/2019 15:28

I agree that money doesn't buy happiness, but I acknowledge my privilege in saying that...we are fairly comfortable, and don't struggle for little luxuries, and I would say that as a family, we are perfectly content with our lives and with what we are able to give our dcs. I can appreciate though, the sheer despair of living without knowing how the bills will be paid, or where the food shop money will come from...I think that would grind down even the closest /happiest of families. I try not to be too complacent...that could very easily happen to anyone, so I try to be grateful for what we do have, and I am happy where we are.
Money is important, unfortunately.

Bluesheep8 · 17/04/2019 15:34

I think that someone earning 35k IS a high earned in my opinion. It's very subjective....

Bluntness100 · 17/04/2019 15:34

Of course being happy is important, but it's wrong to assume high earners are not happy and don't have good employment packages, that's ludicrous.

If you're happy in your role and don't wish to go further that's fine. You earn a decent wage between you.

However there is no joy in being skint.

InsertFunnyUsername · 17/04/2019 15:37

I agree - A little bit.

99% of my troubles would have been sorted with extra money, allowing me to be more happier. But it isn't something i would give up my dream job for, or marry for. Difficult one really all depends on how skint you are at the time 🤷🏼‍♀️

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