To ask for your suggestions

[checkingforballoons]

FIL presented me with a G&T an hour ago. I suspect it was the equivalent of 4 measures in one glass.
What’s the classiest way to remove myself from their sofa whilst maintaining the illusion of sober? Currently considering rolling off and shouting something about wanting crisps, but politely.

I'd go for the opps i have just dropped a coin and it rolled . . . . . insert wherever you want to go . . . . and slide off the sofa straight on to your hands and knees and crawl to your destination

I have been presented with a second drink.
I wonder if this is a test?

Also, the room thermometer says 24.1. I am very sweaty.

well if you can still read you cant be THAT drunk

I can definitely read. I’m just concerned about my ability to tackle stairs

Ah in that case a rolling coin may not help unless FIL is equally sozzled and you can make him believe the coin rolled upstairs

Pahahah op I commend your spelling whilst sozzled!

Careful tying and autocorrect. MIL has left us to it.
Oh god where are the crisps in this house.

Could you remain in your gin pit until after FIL has retired to bed, that way you can crawl to bed without an audience?

He's cranked up the heat to make you strip and he's plying you with copious amounts of alcohol to have his wicked way with you - mil is aware and has politely left you both to it.

I have elegantly reclined across the two seater sofa and switched my glass for DH’s empty one.
Drum2018 that’s made me throw up in my mouth a bit

Tuck your feet winsomely underneath your bum then claim pins and needles and demand request a piggy back upstairs.

Pretend your ship has rolled and just slosh yourself to your destination... if you happen to fall shout “land ahoy” or “man overboard”

Pretend to fall asleep on the sofa and then sneak up to bed after they've all tucked you in with a blanket?

OR

Outdrink him!!!!

He’s gone to bed.
I gave observed the following:
The newly opened bottle of gin is half empty
They unplug the toaster at night

You can never trust a plugged in toaster OP, they sometimes discuss the kitchen revolution....

I have found Wotsits. Do you think the toaster will tell on me?

if it’s made in China for sure it’s eavesdropping on them, that’s why they unplug it at night. Is it a talking toaster.

It hasn’t spoken to me, but that may just be because I’m not very approachable.

Finish the gin, eat the wotsits and plug the toaster back in.

Poppy may I put that on my headstone?

My Aunt does likewise with Baileys. It comes in half pint glasses.

Good morning checkingforballoons
I hope you are not feeling to rough, did the toaster tell on you ? go careful as the often conspire with the coffee maker

I’m doing a very good impression of a chirpy and alert person

Life is one big fake out.

What else do they unplug when they go to bed.

My guess is they unplug the toaster because it gets red hot inside sometimes and could burn the house down

It will be plugged back in now and closely watched throughout the day along with the other household electrical appliances.

Think Terminator. Run for your life.