To say no to mediation?

[Ahshitehesatitagain]

NC for this and posting for traffic.

Invite came through for mediation today re: child contact. His 'D'F has had no contact since he was 11 weeks old when I was assaulted by him and he went to prison. I tried to start some indirect contact after his release (3 yrs later) to see if anything could be facilitated. This resulted in ridiculous behaviour from him and so I've not returned a text or email in 4 years. In my last email I made it clear that he could send birthday and Christmas cards and gifts etc and I have always ensured he has an up to date address as I wanted him to be able to send the above. He did occasionally but not consistently and hasn't for the last 2 years.

I'm pretty sure mediation isn't suitable when there's been abuse. Firstly there's the incident for which he was jailed and then there's been ongoing abuse via email and text, all of which I have saved but not responded to. DS also has complex additional needs which he is not aware of. Do I just tell the mediator the above? They've also barely given me any notice and I work full time.

Far as I know the mediation route is actively discouraged where there has been abuse, and you don't get much more clearcut than a case where he's served a prison sentence for it! I would just politely decline on that basis (to the mediator, not directly to him)

My exh tried this on. I went to a meeting with the mediation team with all my evidence and told them that unless they could guarantee my safety I wasn't willing to sit in the same room as him.

All future meetings were cancelled and nothing more said.

This happened to me.

I called the mediation people; went down there for a meeting by myself - showed them all the paperwork etc of ex abusing me ... ex hadn't told them any of this - they have me a form which said mediation wasn't appropriate and I could show that to the courts if ex ever tried to take me to court to show that mediation has been attempted

Balls. I have no paperwork. It was 8 years ago and quite frankly anything I got in relation to him I binned. I did have to call the police about a year after his release as he came round my house, but again, no evidence. I do have all the bizarre messages. Including random one liners such as 'do you vote Tory?'. He also had a suicide attempt last summer and tried to get himself sectioned. What can I say. He's a delight.

How do I go about proving his conviction?

I would just take what you have and advice them when he was jailed. They should be able to contact the courts to see the paperwork I would have thought

I recently refused mediation. Didn't show any evidence of abuse. They just believed me. It's only in court that they might do a fact finding exercise. You are within your rights to refuse mediation and in your case you'd be right to do so.

You don't need to prove his conviction. Most court records are published. Just refuse, he sounds unbalanced.

Thanks for the input. I'll ring them today. The tone of the letter irritated me 'please ring to confirm your attendance' not an 'if you are able to attend '. It's probably nothing but it felt very commanding. The form also asks for lots of info about my mortgage and earnings- at first I thought this was fact finding for legal aid etc but it's not. Cheeky buggers.

Rang her and explained the circumstances. She said nothing about the prison sentence but wanted to know what he'd been messaging me 🤔 I said it varied and gave some of the examples and advised I was concerned about his stability with his last suicide attempt only being last year. She asked how many suicide attempts he'd had and I said I didn't know (truthfully, I don't). She said to me 'so what are you saying?' I told her I was concerned that with the history that this may not be the right pathway for us. She said that was fine and she'd go ahead with his assessment and if he wanted a certificate for court she'd record my response on it. I am hoping she doesn't record my response as 'refused mediation' because I was very careful not to say that.

I'm now anticipating more unwanted contact from him. I will contact the police if this happens. I nearly did in the autumn after creepy messages about having seen me in a certain place but decided against it. Oh well, all done for now anyway.

@Ahshitehesatitagain that form will be so they can charge you half of the mediation .....

It just just a box ticking until you get to court; because I can't see you 2 agreeing contact from what you've said - and I agree with you ....

Can they really charge me? That's bonkers but unfortunately not surprising either.

There's no way mediation is appropriate. I know this would require a full s7 report with cafcass due to his difficulties and the nature of DS's. The risks and needs are to high and complex to sit in a room with a mediator and work through. I didn't mention DS's needs, the last thing I wanted was for him to find out that way and then the inevitable broadcast over social media.

When they called me they asked me for a breakdown of my earnings etc - as mediation costs £140p/h where I live - £70 each - went to initial meeting alone; showed her the paperwork and she signed me off So court could be the way forwards if ex wanted to see dd.
I didn't pay the £70 for this initial meeting as it was the introductory one to see if we were suitable - which we were not obviously