People “helping” in the kitchen

[MrsSteve]

I have a “difficult” relationship with my sister.

24 hours is an effort and I have to bite my tongue. She can be bossy, highly critical of me (in front of my children for years), and explains things to me as if I am a bit dim. She will argue black is white to me.

I am in my 40s, have professional career and brought my children up alone before I married my DH.

She visited with her family. I planned out and cooked meals (I used to have a career in catering - cooking - like to pride myself on being a fairly decent cook and cook for 8/10 people on a regular basis). I have a smallish kitchen and tbf it’s my “domain” and two small for two people.

So she comes and “helps” and I give her jobs so she can’t take over.

This results in her basically standing over me telling me how to cook (put olive oil in the pasta so it doesn’t stick together - I have heard advice re this on the contrary but did it anyway, that bacon needs turning, we fry our mushrooms whole etc etc) I joked at one point “I do cook when you aren’t here” but in the end I just snapped at her as she was stood over me bloody scrutinising everything - and she said “ there’s no need to get stressed”

How the fuck to other people deal with people like this?!

I feel your pain OP. When I moved house my DSis insisted on helping me move in. So far so lovely, kind and all that shit. Except she eyed up my lovely new kitchen and decreed she would cook for us. So she was the first person to use my oven. A small thing but it has fucked me off ever since and she has not been allowed to stay again since.

They came once and I put a stew in the slow cooker so we could go to the beach for the day.

She had a strop when I said there wasn’t an exact time it would be ready as that was the whole point

As I once yelled at an in-law..."I love you but fuck off out of my kitchen..."

It was a very small kitchen and they were very much in my face. I'm not proud of myself but my SiL's face was a picture as she'd never heard anyone be that rude before, particularly not with her in-laws. :-)

Spoony fuckers. I'm still training DH (the DC realised long ago) not yo stir simmering pans unless I've asked him to... 😤

Why the hell don't you tell her to stop, for fuck's sake?

Ah. That's because, if you did that, she wouldn't do it, would she?

I usually decline offers of help in the kitchen. I know they're being kind but our kitchen is small and I am particular about how food is prepared, and they would actually hinder me from having me tell them how to do everything.

I think it’s the constant criticism is why I don’t do it.

I grasp at any opportunity to try to have a good relationship with her

But yes you are all right and have really cheered me up, I should tell her to fuck off

I feel your pain OP. The only “help” I would gladly appreciate is for people to take the DC out, preferably to the next town, while I prepare the meal in peace. Sadly the help I usually get is an idle stir of a sauce here and there, a few chopped mushrooms and several questions about things that I haven’t thought about.

I'd give her the job of stepping out of the kitchen and closing the door and spending the rest of the cooking far away from you :)

I don't actually like people helping me in the kitchen either, it's where I hide for a bit of peace and quiet!

Christ yes she sounds annoying! Tell her she's wrong about putting olive oil in pasta (I presume in the water). Italians don't do this! Just a really big pan of very salty water is all that's needed (my husband is Italian)

@chestnut9

I also read this was wrong

I resisted the urge to tell her.

My FIL is exactly like this.

I have perfected a hardened stare. Even DH tells him to go sit down

I would gladly appreciate is for people to take the DC out, preferably to the next town, while I prepare the meal in peace

^
Hollow laugh 😂

I'm worried about this stirring business. I stir EVERYTHING pretty much all the time admittedly only my own cooking though - if someone else is cooking I'm having a much needed rest

Never fucking stir someone else’s food

I hate cooking with people.
There are several types of "helpers"
A) Actually good helpers. Stay out of the way, but use their initiative to do actual useful bits. Or you can say, make stuffing and they do it with no input for me. You just kinda of flow together.

B) Helpful helpers. Do everything you ask and ask what's next. But you have you tell them everything. So make stuffing is: the stuffing is in the cupboard, no the other one, the kettle is over there, read the pack, Yes all of it. Not balls, in the glass dish, above the chicken. Just leave it.

C) the obligated helper. Asked to help didn't want you to say yes. Does one task, then asks if there's anything else with that kind of voice that pleads you to say no. Makes you want to keep giving them tasks to annoy them as much as they're annoying you.

D) The unhelpful helper. Does one task then sits on their phone. Claims they're helping. Complains they ARE trying, when you shout "just get out the bloody kitchen"

@alliejay81
You can stir your own as much as you like!

Stirring others means you’re probably a passive aggressive covert narcissist