To feel like I need to say I don't have much money?

[Myotherhusbandisgaryoldman]

DD (11) has a lovely group of 4 friends, and they've done loads together over the Easter holidays - various activities followed by pizza etc etc.
All supervised by the other mums - all who are married and with houses.
I'm a single mum, I work 30 hrs a week and I don't have a lot of disposable income after rent/bills etc.
I'm worrying that the other mums are wondering why I haven't organised a day for the girls. Not sure if they know my circumstances. I have a flat, not much room to entertain another 4 girls.
I've obviously thanked them for the all their generosity - i just feel very awkward about the whole situation. I'll have more money next month so I'm planning something for the may half term.
Am I being a dick?

I am sure most, nice, normal people don’t count up and compare activities. I have an only child and was always happy to invite friends along (to play with him ) and genuinely didnt mind paying for the activity or lunch. One friend who I know didn’t have much spare cash would often invite my DS for a sleepover which he loved and gave me an evening of ‘babysitting’. You could always do something like invite the girls to your home and cook their own pizzas or something like that?

Invite them over for a movie night? Or something. Plenty of cheap activities you can do at home.

I don't even notice things like that. It doesn't matter who organises what, and it's not something I'd ever actually count up and see.
If they are doing that, then that's their problem and not yours. Invitations should never be conditional on you reciprocating and I wouldn't ever expect it. Don't worry; most people really are fine about this stuff.

To me it’s that you reciprocate not how you reciprocate. Maybe just have one child over, taking turns of her friends. Or organize a park day with a packed lunch. I honestly think you are fine.

How about a film day? Ask them if they can bring their cushions or pillows, get some popcorn / haribo in with some Iceland pizzas

Tell them you'll have them may bank holiday. I find that's something a lot of parents seem to worry about ( as in 'Oh we will have them over' when you didn't even consider it)

I def don't keep count of who does what and for how much. Anyone willing to take DD for a bit is a great mate, and I love watching her play with friends so often have a couple of extra kids about the place. Helps that they are little, so play without needing much more than snacks or drinks providing!

How about baking cookies followed by eating them while playing board games? I would have loved that at that age (tbh I still would love that- especially at someone elses house so they get to deal with the dishwasher being full afterwards).

Message to say you will have them all over at may half term. By the way, I hate people who don’t reciprocate because ‘they don’t have enough room’ - how much room do you need to sit down? Always sounds like an excuse.
Film night or day is v cheap - as above, just do popcorn and pizza.

I’ve been both sides- 1 where I had a very good salary and the other like now where I’m on benefits because of disability.

When I was earning I often took friends out paid for cinema, pizza etc, took them trampolining and so on. If mums offered money I’d say it was okay our treat.

Now I’m the other side, and where I can’t do it often I will occasionally and take 1 at a time and do the cinema, snacks and then pizza.

When I was earning one mum had 3 children, single parent and not working, and I never once thought she should pay it back in a certain way. She would have 3/4 of the boys over night for films and a pizza. The kids loved it.

In all honesty if you and the children mums are anything like me and the boys mums, we wouldn’t think anything of it. Done a treat day for the kids and that’s it. Never once did anyone count up who’s paid what and when.

You can invite them round to do something inexpensive eg movie night.

I don't shell out cash when dd's have friends over. Face pack, nail varnish, popcorn, film, don't feel rubbish op.

I have a mum friend in your situation. But she says thank you, does what she can (always things that don't cost anything, ie she'll invite my dd for a sleepover when I'm looking for a babysitter for a night out), and I don't mind a bit.
There was another friend of my dds who couldn't reciprocate much, but she never said thank you and never seemed grateful; I don't do anything for her any more.

I'm in a similar situation to you OP - 2 DDs (aged 10 & 11) and they seem to make friends with the richest children in their classes, every single time!

DD11 went for a sleepover at a friends last week and she sent me pics of them in their hot tub over looking the river at the end of their garden, then some of them kayaking and paddle boarding, they were allowed to order whatever pizza they liked from Dominos and then got to choose 2 movies on Sky pay per view! That would have eaten up my entire monthly "disposable income" (by which I mean food and petrol money!).

However, we have become known as THE place for sleepovers, we average 2 a month (I usually let both DDs have a friend over on the same night to avoid anyone feeling left out). I just get some pizzas from Sainsbury's for about £1.50 each, make some popcorn and let them make a den in the front room with as many duvets, pillows, cushions, airbeds and pillows as they can find! We live in a flat too, but there is a park 5 mins walk away which DDs are allowed to go to on their own (together though), they make sure they have a phone (with a tracker installed) so we can contact each other if need be and a deadline for being home and the kids all seem to really enjoy having a bit of freedom - I always check with their friends' parents first though!

A couple of other things we do; when the cinema does £5 tickets, I use a Meerkat Movies code and they get to bring a friend each - I let them have a pound each to buy a treat in Tesco rather than let them loose on the concession stand in the cinema though! We tend to go swimming every Sunday and it's only £2.75 each, so if I'm feeling "flush" (if payday has been in the last week!), I might let them invite a friend each.

My DM says my sister and I were the same, that she always felt intimidated collecting us from our friends 5 bedroom detached homes, when we lived in a tiny 2 bed maisonette, but she says it got easier as we got older and she realised their parents couldn't give a monkeys how much money we had, they just cared that their daughters had nice friends!

Anyway OP, you're not alone and it sounds like you're doing a grand job!

Definitely do a sleepover with movies and.pizza. Let the kids take over the living room........the parents will love you forever and.it will only cost a few pounds for a stack of pizza and popcorn

I agree with most PP! The money isn't the "issue" for us but my DH works nights so I am already alone with two DD (4&1) People are forever inviting DD1 over to theirs and I feel obliged to say no as, if she were homesick in the night say, it would be really difficult for me to come and collect her. Also people inviting their children to mine for sleepovers. We've done it once or twice and the kids have had a great time but I haven't slept a wink being the only adult in charge of 3/4/5 kids... I'm sure we'll get the hang of it as the girls get older but for now we are on minimal sleepovers or playdates that aren't just after school nearby home. I worry that I am excluding us from the school social circuit, but I also work from home running my own business and am very recently expecting again... its just too much!

They probably realise why you may not be organising these get-togethers, and should be understanding about that. If they expect you to do the same and will view you negatively if you don't, then they are knobs. At our school some people do play dates and organise trips, etc, and others don't. It's not just about money - some people are more private or don't like the stress of organising stuff, etc. I'm good friends with some mums who never invite us round and constantly decline invites to day trips, and I just figure it's not their thing.

Baking and Board games sounds like a perfect evening for me girls of any age, I'd go for that!

Reciprocation doesn't have to mean like for like. It can be anything. As long as the giving (of whatever; money, time,) isn't always in the same direction.

I would definitely do a movie night sleepover or something - I'm sure the girls will love it! I'm sure the other mums understand that not everyone has enough money to buy four girls pizza and cinema tickets. I'm sure they are inviting your DD because she's a nice girl and good company for their DC not expecting a return invite.

I haven’t read the other responses but my first instinct was to tell you to chill out, nobody keeps count. No doubt DD has already described your home to her friends. And it’s not a competition. As long as DD is a good friend nothing else matters

I agree that a movie/pizza night can be done for under a fiver and is a massive act of hospitality.

Almost all my best events with friends at that age involved sleeping bags/duvets in the living room with pop, crisps, pizza and a couple of movies.

Fab times. Really happy memories.

@Myotherhusbandisgaryoldman you are being a dick...but because you shouldn't feel like you have to reciprocate whatever has been given/done for your daughter that you can't afford to do back. I'm sure those other parents don't judge you and understand. Everyone's circumstances are different. Don't feel bad

You shouldn't have to feel like reciprocating but if you do there are a few good ideas. We have a very small flat but we borrowed two double blow up beds and got the kids to bring their own bedding and they had a movie night in the front room. 2 to a bed but in reality we actually got 4 small ones on a double bed turned round the other way. they all had 63p frozen pizzas and cheapo popcorn with some cheapo crisps I bought in big bags. It was a lot better than I thought and they mostly entertained themselves by picking movie after movie and giggling away with each other.