Only child worries

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

I am sure it is far too early for me to worry about this so am happy to be told I'm BU at this early stage.

My 15 month old is an only child and I think will stay that way.

My worry is that he will be lonely and deprived of relationships and friendships.

• he has no cousins on either side. DH is an only child and my siblings are nowhere near the stage of having children so there will be a big age gap there.

• my parents and his parents live 2 and 4 hour drive away

• we aren't from the area in which we live. We moved for my job and so friends etc are far away too.

• I'm more social than DH and socialise with colleagues but they are either older or younger and not at the same stage in life in terms of children.

• My NCT group were fine but have only stayed in touch with a couple who I clicked with and have play dates every now and then. Similarly I have met a few mums at groups and again occasional play dates.

• My neighbour who I get on with, with a boy the same age, is moving. I had high hopes they would go to the same clubs, primary school etc but that isn't to be.

I guess my worry is that he won't have any pals or anyone to do activities with. He is at nursery but at this age they are too young for friends.

People have said it is different at school but I work practically full time and my work is stressful so I don't see how I'm going to have time to chat to mums etc at the school gate.

Part of the problem is my DH who isn't interested in making friends as a family and is happy with his life as it is.

I hope I'm over thinking this!

My son is an only child (7)

Cousins all much older or much younger, and don't live near us at all.

He has gone through typical phase of wanting a sibling/dog/Xbox/bearded dragon

And we got through them all with 'nah. It's not right for our family' and it hasn't been questioned.

I do find I have to be his playmate more than with children who have siblings, but that's hardly the end of the world.

I do have a little guilt over not giving him a sibling, but DH and I are not close at all to ours (nightmares).

So. We encourage friendships, but apart from the odd school party he doesn't see many friends outside of school. We do sometimes have his friend from down the street over but he goes to after school club every day (ours goes 3 days) so it mostly happens in holidays. Lasting friendships all comes in secondary I think.

only children families really seem to be on the rise for many reasons so he's not unusual in his class at all.

Encourage them to grow to be the best person they can in adulthood and hope they find people who love them as much as we do

Hiya, mum to an only nearly 5 year old DS here.
We sound pretty similar - we don’t have family close by / cousins close in age, neither DH or I are wildly social, not many friends with kids.
So far it’s fine! DS does love adult company (think that’s typical of only children) but he seems to make friends wherever we go. It’s pretty rare that he won’t introduce me to ‘my new friend X’ at a park or soft play I did make the effort to do lots of classes and groups with him when he was smaller and now he’s at school he does two clubs.
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry!

Well, you will need to create him a rich social life- but not just yet.

My DS is an only and although he has cousins he rarely sees them due to large distances.

However, he has good friends at school who he sees regularly out of school. He also has friends in the next door houses who he plays with very frequently- outside or in each others' houses. He also does a couple of sports for several hours a week each, so he has friends through those that he sees a lot of.

I don't think he's ever felt lonely.

I was only child and loved it. Loads of only children at DC school who work ft. They tend to do weekend playdate for groups of kids. Only disadvantage I can see for only child is that you have to entertain them yourself as there are no handy siblings to do the job for you

Only child here and mum to 14yo only.

Friendships will evolve over time...I was never a school gate mum, and DD hasn't stayed close with any friends from primary school, although she had enough 9f them whilst she was there.

She's forged some great friendships since starting secondary and I regularly have a houseful of teenagers, which maybe isn't everyone's cup of tea but I love it.

She has 2 cousins who are 18 months and 5 years older than her and don't live locally but she keeps in touch with them via social media.

I can honestly say that in 43 years as an only child I have never felt lonely as a result. Like me, my mum encouraged a fairly open house as far as friends were concerned, and usually my cousin during the holidays (I have several but only one close in age - I'm now in touch with lots of them via FB).

Parents work ft not the kids obviously

I wouldn't worry (although I have!). DS is 4 and an only. Admittedly he loves adult company but I don't see that as a downside. He is very secure in his relationship with us, which is the main thing for me. DH is an only and never felt deprived, I think he felt lucky actually.

Coming away with a few friends from NCT is good (I know plenty who've walked away with none). I think as long as you are happy to fill the gap of a playmate there is nothing to worry about.

You are being silly and wasting a lot of energy worrying about something that is not a problem. I'm an only child and had a wonderful life. Also, the issues of whether your child will have a lot of friends has NOTHING to do with them being an only child. Every child is different and how the navigate their social life remains to be seen. Some people have loads of friends, some don't, but having siblings or not does not play a part in it.

DS(12) is an only child due to my health issues. He has cousins of varying ages and lots of friends.

When he was younger he used to ask about siblings and we just told him that Mummy was really poorly so we could only have him and he was ok with that.

Now if you ask him if he’d like a sibling he says “Ewwww, no”, when pressed he’ll say that he doesn’t want to share me with anyone else. He’s fine and I’m not remotely worried about him being an only.

Siblings can be great or awful. You don’t know who yours will be before you get one. Not having a second child could be the best thing ever depending on who would have come along, no one can ever know.

Mine is 6 and an only child with his only cousins being teens at university. Im not overly sociable, rather introverted and most happy on my own etc.

I have enrolled DS into as many clubs as he wants, so he's doing swimming, tennis and scouts. He also has his classmates at school, as well as lots of different friends with his childminder during school hols, plus breakfast club in term-time and more friends in after school club once a week. And then he has parties and playdates with his classmates from school, as well as a group of friends he plays with in the street we live in.

Teacher at parents evening says he's a social butterfly, has lots of friends everywhere.

I was initially worried he'd be lonely but my life is filled with his many many social events!

Thanks for all your replies. That has reassured me. I think I will just have to make sure I make an effort to provide him with a social life be it through signing him for clubs, activities etc.