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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you deal with this...?

16 replies

MrsSteve · 16/04/2019 18:45

DSDs come EOW they have for 10 years, they are 12 and 14.

They are nice girls, they have a few issues and obviously are brought up differently by their mum to how I would bring them up but we have quite a close relationship.

My issue mainly is DH not being consistent and dealing with issues as they arise. I mainly take a back seat though and let him do the “parenting”. My kids have left home.

DH is away a lot so when they are here is often the only time I see him too, which can cause frustrations.

Cleaning the house ready for my family visiting I found one of them has drawn all over the windowsill in their room. I’m not a massive fan of them having pens and pencils in the bedroom (as when little they used to draw over walls etc) but I let DSD draw sitting on the bed as she wasn’t doing any harm and I told myself not to be so anal so this has really pissed me off as a) she is way too old for that type of behaviour and b) she has signed her sisters name clearly trying to get her into trouble.

Then, behind the TV in the front room I found a load of sweet wrappers (which I never would have noticed had been taken) have been chucked there, which IMO they are also way too old to be doing too.

DH is like “yes, I will deal with it when I see them” (he won’t unless I remind him) and said “they haven’t even been in the front room” well - how the fuck else did they get there?! And he should have phoned them (we pay for their phones) and spoken to them.

The sweets thing in itself isn’t a huge issue but him defending them (basically stealing and then just chucking rubbish behind the TV) is.

I know when they come I will prob end up saying something but sometimes I wish he would just parent his children not always leave me to be the bad guy.

😤

OP posts:
Easterbunnynearlyhere · 16/04/2019 18:50

I hope you didn't clean the sill.
I also hope he cooks etc for his dc. If you can't tell them off you shouldn't be the skivvy either...

MrsSteve · 16/04/2019 18:51

I took a photo Blush and sent it to him and then cleaned it as it was rude and I didn’t want my nephews seeing it.

I do cook but tbf he is travelling home with them.

OP posts:
MrsSteve · 16/04/2019 19:37

I really think they should get a bit of a bollocking tbh as it’s so bloody disrespectful Sad

OP posts:
Pinkprincess1978 · 16/04/2019 19:40

You are not wrong and yes it would be appropriate for him to call and tell them off. Both things are unacceptable but the drawing on the window sill is worse. It sounds like it came off which is good.

MrsSteve · 16/04/2019 19:41

WD40 👍🏻👍🏻Grin

OP posts:
Idontmeanto · 16/04/2019 19:43

They need telling off for that. Can you suggest they have to do an hour of chores when they arrive next time? Ask them what their mum would do/say?

MrsSteve · 16/04/2019 19:46

This is the thing - I don’t think their mum would really care as they seem to draw over all their stuff and DH is pretty averse to any punishments or consequences.

I suggest they can do things for themselves and he wants to helicopter parent them Hmm

OP posts:
Cranky17 · 16/04/2019 20:35

I wouldn’t call my children to tell them off so I think yabu in that respect. But he should talk to them about the drawings when he sees them next

MrsSteve · 17/04/2019 07:52

Thing is we then wait two weeks to tell them off 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
brizzlemint · 17/04/2019 07:57

I'd be furious if my DCs were phoned to be told off about something they had done when they weren't here. Why would your nephews go in their bedroom anyway?

MrsSteve · 17/04/2019 07:58

Because they came to stay and slept in there? It’s a spare room?

OP posts:
MrsSteve · 17/04/2019 07:58

And I would be more furious if my kids had drawn all over someone house! Angry

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 17/04/2019 11:00

I'd be furious if my DCs were phoned to be told off about something they had done when they weren't here.

Why? Are they too precious to handle a telling off?

MrsSteve · 17/04/2019 19:15

👍🏻

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 17/04/2019 19:21

@brizzlemint
Oh your one of those mothers!!

brizzlemint · 17/04/2019 19:23

@brizzlemint Oh your one of those mothers!!

One of what mothers? Either way, I'm perfectly happy with the type of mother I am thank you very much Smile

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