Fiance vs Best Friend, and I'm the bad guy...

[Sd183]

Hi All

AIBU to get seriously annoyed about being used as a pawn in my best friend/her ex-fiance/my finances power play for my loyalty?

For background: My best friend (BF) and her fiance had a very messy break-up last year. My fiance and I were very very close with them as a couple and he became good friends with my BFs Ex-fiance in the years they were together (my BF and I were close before she met her ex-fiance so we're seen as the ones who bought the 2 men together as friends).

Now- since they broke up she insists that I should not see her Ex. She is absolutely adamant that it makes her uncomfortable and I shouldn't want to be friends with him any more as she was my friend first. Which to me is a little selfish, but fair enough- and makes my life simple.

The Ex and my fiance have kept in touch and have seen each other once or twice- and now the Ex has invited my fiance and I to his birthday, to which I instantly said no (to keep things simple). But my fiance has waded in saying I should go with him, he really wants me to go, I should be allowed to see the Ex and that my BF is being controlling because she has told me she doesn't want me to go(my fiance and BF have always been really really good friends).

I literally want to scream! I Spent the months they were breaking up trying to help them both and trying to keep the peace/help them do the right thing. Plus now my fiance is wading in- and they are all pulling me back and forth trying to make me "pick their side". I sent a few Sh*y text messages today and have them all giving me grief about each other- AIBU to tell them all that I'm not interesting and I don't want to be involved in their petty games? I feel like they are all trying to "win" some weird game for my loyalty so literally I cannot win- whatever happens someone is going to be upset, but at the moment the only one that seems to be is me!

Sorry but your bf is being unreasonable. You should go to the party as you would with any of your fiances friends

If it were my best friend I'd pick a side to be honest but that's just me, not saying I'm right or wrong but my loyalties would lie with her. You're not stopping your DP from seeing him though so i don't see the issue?

It depends why they broke up I think. If he was unfaithful to her and exposed her to STIs, gaslighted her and was a general bastard to her, then the thought of you going to his party and laughing and joking with him would obviously be rather galling.

It depends why they broke up I think

She actually cheated on him. It was generally a horrible breakup and there was a lot of bad blood.

She actually cheated on him. It was generally a horrible breakup and there was a lot of bad blood.

Oh.that might actual change my original opinion on it actually

She cheated on him? All bets are off and she has no right to try to make you choose.

She cheated on him yet she thinks she has the divine right to make him lose his friends?!

Your BF is being unreasonable. Go to the bloody birthday party

Its not like you see him every day, its one night and after than it can go back to being DP and him that see each other without you

She cheated and wants to make it difficult for him to keep his friends.

Why is she your best friend?

I agree with PP

If he was abusive then for her I could see it would feel like a double blow if you are abused then your best friend remains civil with the abuser - by not calling out abusive behaviour or giving the abuser any consequences it's taking their side

If it was just a regular break up and they were as bad as each other then yes it is controlling to not want you to see him. It might make her feel uncomfortable but she has no right to ask you not to, and as long as you dont talk about one to the other one, or let one down at the expense of the other then I dont see you're doing anything wrong.

What business is it of hers? How does she even know if you see him day to day? What if your fiancee invited him round to your house, would you ban him or have to leave?

In general I don't think friendships should come with conditions

Your friend needs to grow up.

She actually cheated on him. It was generally a horrible breakup and there was a lot of bad blood.

She's a cheeky fucker. She's lucky in that situation you haven't all sided with her ex and left her out (many would have).

Tell her to wind her neck in and go to the party.

Your bf is a cheating controlling twat, tell her to do one! I feel sorry for the ex, he gets cheated on and then dumped by a friend because the bitch that cheated on his says so

She cheated on him and now she’s isolating him from friends?

I'd go to the party. She is being controlling.

If he is actually a decent guy, and was just normally pissed off in the course of a shitty breakup and actually isn't an abusive bastard, then he could do with a few pals on his birthday.

But she'll go apeshit. You may have to draw a red line with her on this one. She's not your puppet master.

She actually cheated on him

That changes things. She has no right to demand who you can or can't see. It's her fault they broke up!

Go the party. But be warned you'll probably not have a BF for much longer.

I’d just say ‘Look BF, YOU cheated on him. He is our friend too and we are not going to ditch him because you treated him badly. I’m sorry if you’re upset we are still friends and we wouldn’t be if HE was the one that cheated on you’.