So my Di has just told me

[dingit]

When I was a child, when I was awful, she used to tell me if I was adopted she would have sent me back. I don't remember that, but she often used to say if she had her time again, she would never have had us bloody kids. She was also not adverse to using a garden cane, now that bloody hurt, I remember that.
I'm finding it hard to love her in her senior years, but trying harder now she's lost my df.
Not sure what I'm asking really, but no one else to turn to.

I'm sorry to hear that, dingit. That must be hard to acknowledge and deal with. Suggest you go and have a look at the Stately Homes thread (in Relationships) and think about posting there. There are many on that thread who are going through what you are going through.