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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Accident at nursery AIBU??

50 replies

raemeg · 16/04/2019 14:40

My 2 and a bit year old has been going to nursery for 4-5 months now. By and large it has been a very positive experience other than 2 minor aggravations with poor communication which have been ironed out with quick phone calls.

Today he had an accident form for hitting his head having fallen backwards off of a ride on toy. That's quite odd in and of itself as he's got great gross motor skills and hasn't fell off those for about a year. But these things happen/he may well have been tired or over exuberant etc so I signed with a smile.

Then we get home and on a whim I ask: did you fall or were you pushed? My son then launches into a long narrative telling me he was pushed, who exactly pushed him, that they pushed "the handlebars" and that 2 of the nursery staff had told the girl in question off and said she was a "naughty little girl".

Now I accept kids push. It happens no matter what you do. But I really am uneasy about being lied to. Why lie?! And also what else are they lying about??

AIBU? A panicky mum? I want to love this nursery. It's outstanding and in a lovely location and I had a good feel when I first chose it. But why lie?

OP posts:

geekone · 16/04/2019 15:16

Sorry I didn’t mean only you my pp sounds a bit mean I was typing too quickly. But the nursery will have learned the best way to manage nervous parents.

Original poster

raemeg · 16/04/2019 15:17

@geekone God no, if never want to know which child did anything (son also got bitten a few weeks back - most certainly have not asked who). Most things are just a phase/one of those things etc

OP posts:

GlassSuppers · 16/04/2019 15:19

I wouldn't be too bothered. He's okay, no damage done.

I'd also take whatever my DD (3) says as part truth but maybe not all truth.

She had a bruise on her leg last week which she told me about (truth) then she said that a certain friend did it (lie) DD hasn't seen that friend since Christmas.

You know the important information, nothing else really matters unless this child was purposely hurting mine on a regular basis I wouldn't care.

JessieMcJessie · 16/04/2019 15:19

Out nursery do usually tell us if another child is involved but, as above, are careful not to reveal the child’s name or gender. Of course DS tells us the second we leave the building!

Yesterday, for example, DS had a bruise and the staff told us that he said another child pushed him but they weren’t sure if the child had done that or not. According to Da “Sophie pushed me and Elizabeth told her she was naughty and said that she was NOT HAPPY with Sophie”.

I know who I believe!

Scrumptiousbears · 16/04/2019 15:19

My DD got bitten at Pre school once and I asked who it was (out of nosiness) and was told they couldn't tell me.

Hours later I get a text from my sister mortified that her son had bitten a kid at Pre school but she didn't know who it was

Jetstream · 16/04/2019 15:21

In our creche an accident form detailing what happened is given to the parent to sign. The caregiver and manager also sign it.

Original poster

raemeg · 16/04/2019 15:21

@geekone no no, you didn't seem rude at all. I get your point. I'm not the panicky type usually but had a sense I might be behaving a bit anxious so thought I'd get some perspective here. So glad I did.

OP posts:

roundligament · 16/04/2019 15:24

@raemeg I think you've taken these responses all really well
I hate it when my son gets hurt, his fault or not. It's just horrible isn't it.
They do fall down and they do hurt themselves regardless of who they are with.
My son falls over every day and every day my heart drops when I hear him thinking he has really done something bad. He is a tough cookie and just gets up and gets on with things.
Nursery are duty bound to write things up and report them so it can seem like he's having more accidents at nursery then at home when the reality is they are just reporting more and logging more then you would at home.

Also @Scrumptiousbears that made me laugh I love that

Russell19 · 16/04/2019 15:24

@roundligament that is because in training anyone working with children is taught that no child is simply a naughty child. The things they may do may be naughty but all behaviour is a method of communication, lack of understanding, part of development etc.

roundligament · 16/04/2019 15:25

@Russell19
My son is naughty though

Original poster

raemeg · 16/04/2019 15:27

For the record my son ADORES the girl who apparently shoved the bike (he wasn't actually shoved as others have pointed out) so yes, absolutely no pattern of behaviour or anything like that.

I thought I might be getting a bit OTT so everyones constructive input has given me perspectivr again

OP posts:

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 16/04/2019 15:43

If it helps op I work in a preschool. We are only allowed to put in accident form what we know to be absolute facts. For example if I had seen little Johnny push the trike I would put I witnessed a child take hold of the handlebars which caused the trike to stop abruptly and as a result Jack fell to the floor banging his head.
If I hadn't seen it i would write that Jack became upset in the bike area and said that he had banged his head or that I saw Jack on the floor in the bike area crying and it appeared that he had banged his head.
Hope that helps x

GaryWilmottsTeeth · 16/04/2019 16:10

My DD fell off our raised patio into a bush at her 3rd birthday party. Another child happened to be near her at the time, DD was convinced the other child had pushed her, he didn't - I saw the whole thing happen myself. But the other child will forever be known by DD as "X who pushed me off the patio"

2yo DS was lying in front of the sofa the other day and I was sort of prodding him with my feet, trying to tickle him. When his grandparents came later, the first thing he said was "mummy stamped on me!!!!" God only knows what else he has come out with at nursery.

long story short, kids are very good at taking a grain of truth and turning it into a grand work of fiction.

CarrieBlu · 16/04/2019 16:29

I would be highly surprised if any member of nursery staff described a child as ‘a naughty little girl’. It wasn’t allowed in any of the nurseries I’ve worked in - it’s to do with not labelling the child.

JessieMcJessie · 16/04/2019 16:38

Charmatt
I too would be wary of a story that included the word, 'naughty'. It is not a word that is used in any nursery I have ever been in and not considered an acceptable word in this environment.

Interesting you say that because it is not a word that we use at home- the reason being that I am Scottish and we don’t really say “naughty” in Scotland so it’s not a word that springs to my lips. But I do also know and agree with the thinking around the use of the word and it’s equivalents. DS has however taken to telling me “you’re naughty Mummy” when I do something he doesn’t like, such as switch off the TV! I am fairly sure he’s picked it up in nursery. But could be another child parroting what their parent has said to them. It’s a good nursery, I’m not overly concerned.

JessieMcJessie · 16/04/2019 16:40

CarrieBlu would you be allowed to say something like “hitting is naughty” i.e. labelling the behaviour instead, or is “naughty” just generally avoided?

CarrieBlu · 16/04/2019 17:32

@JessieMcJessie The word naughty is completely avoided. Instead we would say something like, “no, hitting isn’t kind” or “hitting isn’t allowed, if you hit someone it will hurt them and make them sad. Use your kind hands instead please”. Something along those lines, depending on the age of the child you’re speaking to.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/04/2019 17:38

Treading carefully and sensitvely here, but By asking a leading question could you have put ideas into his head.
Could it possible that the staff didn't actually see the see child push him. Their eyes can't be on every child all the time. It's impossible and things happens so quickly with kids.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/04/2019 17:42

Scrumptious. No they won't tell you. I imagine its in case you (collective you) were to pull the parents in the street or effing and jeffing at them at the nursery gate or even start screaming at the kid.
Most people do but not every sees it as " just kids being kids"

CripsSandwiches · 16/04/2019 17:56

I also didn't read that as lying he did fall off the toy (albeit as a result of being pushed). I think they often don't elaborate on these things when they can avoid it as they don't want to risk parents confronting each other. The reason for alerting you to the accident is presumably because he's had a bump to the head and you should be aware of it in case it requires further treatment - the reason he fell off the toy isn't really relevant.

JessieMcJessie · 16/04/2019 17:57

Thanks CarrieBlu.

saraclara · 16/04/2019 18:14

What I like about mumsnet is how often people like the OP read the responses, realise they over reacted, and admit cheerfully that they were wrong.

What I don't like is how often posters don't bother reading the cheerful mea culpa, and continue brow beating the OP!

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 16/04/2019 19:38

I can't see any brow beating on this thread, just people discussing their experiences.

We're also not allowed to use the word naughty, ever. It's considered swearing!

RhiWrites · 16/04/2019 19:50

One of my earliest memories is being asked “why is your ear red” and answering “because Panniotis bit it”.

Never happened. I made it up. It wasn’t lying intentionally, just feeling responsible for coming up with an explanation.

SoHotADragonRetired · 16/04/2019 19:59

Yes RhiWrites - with kids of this age I think it's often less deliberate lying, in the sense an adult or older child would lie for advantage or to stay out of trouble, and more confabulation - they don't really know the answer but they know they're expected to give some answer so they generate one. They're much more conscious of their dependence on adults and their need to please adults than they are of what actually happened in any given day.

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