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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this friendship is unhealthy?

7 replies

Floatinginwater · 16/04/2019 11:18

Bit of a weird one. I have a friend who I have known for years. Last year I went through a rough redundancy period and she was the only one there for me who really understood as she had been through similar. DH works away a lot and other friends didn't really understand. I was very stressed at the time and so grateful for all the time she listened to me, offering advice etc.

Since then she has made several remarks to me and in front of other friends which have made me feel uneasy like 'Where would you have been without me' or 'Thank god you have me as a good friend! or 'I was the only one who sorted your life out for you!' Hmm

She has always been chatty but recently overbearing eg. talking for hours, not letting me interrupt and when I do make a comment she'll say something like 'Can I just finish' or 'Yes, anyway where was I..' and continue for what seems like hours. I have always been a good listener with people but I feel she is using what happened before (her helping me though a stressful period) to thinking it's her turn to share her problems constantly. She'll say 'I just want to share this because I have no-one else to talk to about it..' and talk for about 20-30 mins non-stop on each minor issue in so much detail. I like helping friends but in this case I don't think she wants my advice, she just wants to talk at me for endless hours. We still talk about other things (sometimes) but mostly my head hurts from the overload! This happens every time we meet up now. WWYD?

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 16/04/2019 11:19

If you dont enjoy her company knock it on the head

Floatinginwater · 16/04/2019 11:52

Thanks @Confusedbeetle I do enjoy her company occasionally just not the verbal diarrhoea.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 16/04/2019 12:25

In answer to your question yes I do think this friendship is unhealthy. You used to get on well but now she gives you a headache. Stop seeing her - she sounds awful! Twenty minutes non-stop?? That's not chatting with a friend - in face I'm not sure what it is!!

BlueMerchant · 16/04/2019 12:33

She feels that because she helped you that you have to put up with her shit and you won't say anything. She is belittling you as she feels you are indebted to her and she is telling friends about this to make herself feel important.
Tell her to get lost.

Bluntness100 · 16/04/2019 12:37

I'm guessing you did the same to her when you went through your rough period, and she took it?

It is unhealthy if she needs to remind you, so you give the same back. As you're unwilling I'd knock it on the head, but I suspect she might feel used.

resultswithintwoweeks · 16/04/2019 12:38

She feels you "owe her one" and is reminding you of this a lot. Maybe she doesn't think you've been "grateful" enough. Not a nice trait.

Maybe she's always being someone's sounding board and is determined that she gets a fair hearing herself from now on. Maybe she is a bit insecure and wants to be acknowledged as your Best Friend out of all the others.

How long has she been like this? It may settle down, it may not. You may want to distance yourself if this continues, however great she may have been to you in the past.

Floatinginwater · 16/04/2019 13:35

Hit the nail of the head @BlueMerchant @resultswithintwoweeks She hasn't always been like this, much worse recently. Will have a bit of distance for a while I think, thanks.

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