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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that people nowadays are selfish?

73 replies

JUstme123456778 · 15/04/2019 20:52

Just that...I got to the conclusion that people don’t care about other people.
If someone asks how you are they are not interested in an honest answer.
Unfortunately I honestly believe that people are only interested in their own well-being and nothing else.
They are not genuinely interested how your weekend was or how you are feeling, they don’t really care about the planet or about climate change...it’s all show off...

Sorry I don’t seem to find a genuine person ( apart from my mum and dad) that genuinely cares

OP posts:

corythatwas · 15/04/2019 22:55

Why are you laying into Pretzel, OP? And why would her decision to help prisoners be more "showing off" than if she'd decided to help children in need? Can't you show off by helping children in need? Do we even know that her friends know that she is volunteering?

You say that your mum and dad are the only people you know who actually do care. So are you excluding yourself? Do you care less than they? Do you genuinely never do a good thing unless your friends are watching? Never give a helping hand to some elderly or disabled person who doesn't know who you are and won't be able to tell people about you? Never slip some money to a homeless person when nobody is watching?

Original poster

JUstme123456778 · 15/04/2019 22:56

Choccy I’ll be honest. I didn’t think about it that way. I think I should read about this subject in more detail.

OP posts:

GiantPretzel · 15/04/2019 22:58

So basically, you don’t have the slightest interest in the world at large, OP, you’ve just decided ‘everyone is selfish’, because a friend has not paid you the attention you think is your due? And your response to someone who volunteers to to ask what’s in it for them, and then tell them what they do isn’t a ‘worthy cause’?

RomanyQueen1 · 15/04/2019 23:01

YANBU.
People give lip service to the question of Hi, how are you?
They don't want to know and can't get away fast enough if you break into conversation. People don't talk anymore we all sit in our little houses on our screens.

sonlypuppyfat · 15/04/2019 23:02

Good grief I wouldn't want to go into a prison. But thank god someone is willing to , I think that's an amazing thing to do

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 15/04/2019 23:08

I don't get people taking offence at the general "how are you".

Do you actually give a shit if the supermarket cashier,random acquaintance, mum on the school run, woman from the office next door etc really care when they ask? Would you even want them to? Would tell them your life story even if they did care?

Thankssomuch · 15/04/2019 23:09

pretzel you’re doing brilliant work. People often don’t care much about prison inmates or those in secure hospitals because they’re not considered as worthy a cause as say, children in need etc. But the potential long term impact on society from the work of people like you is really worthwhile as well as on an individual level.
I find people in general to be pretty caring, actually. I left a load of notes from a conference on a train recently, by accident, and a stranger posted them to me (for example). Drove a long distance today and found drivers were happy to give way etc.

Original poster

JUstme123456778 · 15/04/2019 23:10

I feel bad in a way...didn’t want to offend anyone with this thread...I lost faith in people ( my own personal reasons) but I truly hope that there are nice genuine caring people out there who will prove me wrong.

OP posts:

Geraniumpink · 15/04/2019 23:10

No, I don’t think generally people care all that much - I really don’t think they have the time or the bandwidth for it. However you might perhaps need to look at history to realise that we are not as selfish as you think as a society.
If you have at least one good friend or partner to talk too, and maybe a pet and a philosophical attitude then that helps a lot.

FiveShelties · 15/04/2019 23:12

Do you consider yourself a 'genuine person' OP? If you do, what are you doing which is different from everyone else you meet?

Original poster

JUstme123456778 · 15/04/2019 23:13

No I’m not talking about random people Yoursarcasm.
I’m talking about close friends that should not be turning their back when suits them.

OP posts:

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 15/04/2019 23:16

but I truly hope that there are nice genuine caring people out there who will prove me wrong.

They can't at the moment because of the state of mind you're in. If we'd give you examples of good things you'd question why, you'd question why not something else/a worthier cause, you'd question wether it's really making a difference etc.

Most people tend to be grey...not entirely good or entirely bad. Somewhere in the middle depending on circumstances and willingness.

Rarotonga · 15/04/2019 23:16

It can feel this way OP. One of my best friends died when I was in my early twenties and I was gobsmacked to hear that people used to cross the street to avoid having to speak to his lovely mum, so hurtful.
When my dad died people would ask my mum how she was and she would give a truthful answer but they didn't want to know really and would change the subject.

I hope you find like minded, kind souls who do care. They are about but it can feel like they aren't.

Original poster

JUstme123456778 · 15/04/2019 23:17

Fiveshelties i have my own faults but I do care about my closest friends and family and I’m genuine when it comes to them.
I would never turn my back to someone who needs my help and I never betray them.

OP posts:

Original poster

JUstme123456778 · 15/04/2019 23:19

Rarotonga these are for you x

OP posts:

Thankssomuch · 15/04/2019 23:26

rarotonga I can understand how uncaring those reactions must seem - and hurtful. It might be, though, that they are indicators of the fact that lots of people are a bit rubbish at dealing with bereavement and/or tragic news - I.e. nervous about having to - rather than being uncaring?

FiveShelties · 15/04/2019 23:27

I am sorry you have been hurt by friends JUstme, but do not judge everyone by those people. Especially those people who are volunteering to help other people. Assuming they are doing it so they can show off to their friends seems a very mean view.

BadLad · 15/04/2019 23:28

Don't worry - I'm sure most people who read this thread will dismiss it as a farted out nugget of utter drivel, not a profound thought that offends them as an uncomfortable truth.

FiveShelties · 15/04/2019 23:29

Rarotonga - I found the same when I lost my Dad. I don't think it is that they do not care, just that they are terrified of upsetting someone who has been bereaved.

7Days · 15/04/2019 23:29

So you've been let down then.

That's hurtful and shit.
But you'll have to let it go. You do have people who care and who are loyal. Your own inner circle.

It sounds like people in general are not shit. Just that someone who you thought was reciprocal was not. Doesn't mean people today are all selfish. Just that you held someone in higher esteem than they held you. A mismatch.

It's horrible and hurtful, of course. Been there. Maybe there is something troubling them? I dunno. But don't let it poison all your other relationships

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 15/04/2019 23:48

I sort of have concentric circles of caring, depending on how much energy I have. I have 3 young DC so I don't get beyond my inner circle much. DH, DC and myself. Then DPs, PIL, close family and my best friend. Everyone else I'm a fairweather friend to at the moment as I jump between circle 1 and circle 2 a lot. Other friends are circle 3. If I'm having a good week then I'll totally help out someone in circle 3. If I've slept and the DC haven't been ill and DH hasn't been working away and my Dad is well and nothing in circle 1 or 2 has drained me then circle 3 people - who I like and care about - can have some of that available energy. Neighbours and school parents and ex-colleagues etc are circle 4. Strangers are circle 5. This goes for time, energy, love and money. It must hurt for people who are in no one's inner circles as no one prioritises you. That's problematic and hurtful.

I have no idea if that makes sense. I think people can be selfish but caring. I don't think those are mutually exclusive. I'm selfish. I prioritise my circle 1 people over everyone and I am a circle 1 person. I care about people, I care about humanity and I generally try not to be a dick but I am selfish.

Oakenbeach · 15/04/2019 23:52

Some people, many even, are selfish... But there always have been.

It’s not a new thing that has just appeared ‘nowadays’, and it’s not true that in the ‘good old days’ everyone was wonderful and selfless, when of course they weren’t.

Original poster

JUstme123456778 · 16/04/2019 06:55

I am not against people who volunteer to help others however this ‘friend ‘ I was telling you about gives the right example of someone volunteering for their own benefit. She’s a health professional and she wasn’t able to work due to different personal reasons. She’s volunteering in order to keep her licence and she was continuously moaning that how come in that company the admin staff get paid and she has to volunteer when she’s a lot more important dur to her role.
She felt entitled to get paid and that it’s not fair.

OP posts:

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