over birthday budget?

[SileneOliveira]

Met a friend for coffee this morning. Our daughters are friends, both aged 13. One of the other girls in their friendship group is having a sleepover birthday party thing this weekend and friend asked what I was doing for a present.

Generally the going rate for these sorts of gifts is £15 to £20. I said to friend that we were sorted - I had been in my local Oxfam shop last week and picked up a trendy 3 in 1 make up bag set thingy, known brand, goggled it and brand new it's £24.99. I got it for £5. Still boxed, still shrink wrapped, never opened never mind used. Bargain.

Friend's comment was "that's great! What are you getting her with the other £15?"

I didn't get where she was coming from at first but she has the idea that you spend £20 if that's what you've budgeted.

I'm of the opinion that the friend will be getting a gift which is worth £20 ish even though I paid a fiver for it. So I'm quids in. Might chuck in a bathbomb or a mascara or something, but certainly not spending more than another fiver.

Think friend thinks I'm a bit of a tightwad.

Unless it’s a secret Santa style situation where you’re supposed to spend s certain amount, the cost is irrelevant.

It's none of her business. However I don't think I would admit I'd got it in a charity shop for a fiver. Could you add a £5 note spends? I think kids quite like getting some cash to spend. Ask DD what she thinks?

It's not a secret santa situation but even if it were... I'm not sure. I'd still be thinking "this thing is worth £20 if I bought it it boots/debenhams/tk maxx" rather than it cost me £5 so I need to spend more.

But it's been years since I was in an office secret santa!

I have absolutely no problem with buying or receiving charity shop items, but I also have the same 'off' feeling about it as PP.

I wouldn't go telling anyone that I got a gift at a discount price etc - whether it was second hand or in the sales.

Side question - surely 13 is old enough to be chucked the cash and told to buy their own present though, right?

Not her business but does sound tight to me. I would usually spend all the money I had budgeted, just means they get a better present and that's really nice and hopefully will make them feel nice, that's the end goal isn't it?

If it's just transactional and you begrudge it, then that's pretty sad for your daughter to see. Should be an exciting thing buying gifts for each other.

I don't begrudge it at all. DD is back to school this week as flew out of the door at 8.15 this morning with a "Mum don't forget about Sophie's birthday present, thanks byee...." as teenagers are prone to do. She is full on all week with stuff happening at school and no time for shopping. (She's had two weeks to shop but it didn't occur to her until the first day of term.....) Usually she does shop herself, or at least give me some ideas.