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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I will never be attractive again because of my stretch marks

43 replies

namechange586358 · 15/04/2019 12:47

I recently had a baby, and gave develop extreme stretch marks. I've never seen them like this before and my doctor said it's a hormonal thing. I didn't put on much weight in pregnancy and am now a healthy size 10-12.

I have stretch marks on my belly, back, thighs, calves, ankles, arms, forearms, that fat but above my vagina, on my labia, my boobs, everywhere apart from my face. I look almost freakish and don't know why it happened as I only put on weight really on my belly and a tiny bit on my legs.

I am in a deep depression over this. My ex and I split up because he became abusive towards me during pregnancy. He hated my stretch marks.

AIBU in thinking that whilst people will tell me I'm beautiful because they're being nice, I'll never actually be attraftive again? I look vile Sad

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 15/04/2019 13:54

*Both of them. Grin

bobstersmum · 15/04/2019 13:57

I was quite glam when I was in my twenties and wore bikinis on the beach and felt confident. Then an ex cut the back of my leg open with a knife (whole other thread) and left me with thick 8 inch scar after stitches. That was bad enough but then after my third child my stomach was stretched and ruined so that was the end of my confidence really. However I have started to feel good again. When I think about it I am so proud of my body for growing three humans, you should be proud of yours too op, us women are pretty amazing!
Stretch marks wouldn't put me off someone, beauty is definitely about more than looks, some of the most beautiful girls I've known have been ugly and selfish on the inside.

TwinsTrollsAndHunz · 15/04/2019 14:01

Some people have more stretch marks than others and they can be quite alarming when they first appear, purplish/red, no matter how much people tell you they’ll fade and silver, you wonder how on earth they can.

All that abusive language from your ex has done a number on you. He’s programmed you to believe that a normal side effect of rapid growth (including pregnancy) is somehow ugly or freakish. It isn’t.

Spanish makes a valid and interesting point. Your self esteem comes from you. He broke you down. You need to build yourself back up again.

JaneEyreAgain · 15/04/2019 14:04

Please Google and listen to Holly McNish's poem, My body is amazing. It might make you cry (howl) but it is a great poem.

Dear lady, your body is amazing, you have created a human and become a mother. You are so much more than your skin and loving the skin you are in is about so much more than looks. Your ex has shattered your self esteem. You can become a stronger person without him.

Practically speaking, eat well, lots of fresh vegetables, juices and healthy fats (sprouted seeds, raw oils and avocados) and if you are breastfeeding, I too have seen the photos of a woman using breastmilk on one side of her tummy, it was impressive. Rosehip oil and lavender may also help and pilates or yoga to gently keep your body supple and active.

Servalan · 15/04/2019 14:05

I loved my stretch marks!

I'm quite sad that they faded.

Whatsallthisaboutthen · 15/04/2019 14:06

Your body did something wonderful-be kind to yourself! Nearly everyone has them to one degree or another. I can’t speak for men, but as a gay woman I can tell you that I find all sorts of women’s bodies beautiful, and the thing that makes them most beautiful for me is their strength and softness, and all the ways that manifests. Be proud of your body if you can-it deserves love and so do you ❤️

PickAChew · 15/04/2019 14:08

I've been covered in stretch marks since puberty. They are not the problem.

Battytwatty · 15/04/2019 14:09

I have bad stretch marks. I got them at 19 after having my DS. They bothered me so much that I avoided taking him swimming, beach holidays etc for years. I didn’t buy magazines as I would feel so low after seeing celebrities beach bodies etc. Then a couple of years ago I thought FUCK THIS SHIT. booked a beach holiday, bought a bikini and I had the best time ever. I think as I’m 20 years older , I give less of a shit what people think now. And as a matter of fact nobody gave me a second glance anyway.
My stretch marks are on my boobs, tummy , too and inner thighs and hips

BirthdayKake · 15/04/2019 14:09

@Cwtches123 😂😂😂

steff13 · 15/04/2019 14:27

Don't most people have stretch marks? My boys both have them, from, you know, growing from infants into 6'+ tall young men. My husband has them, I have them.

Fiveredbricks · 15/04/2019 14:34

9/10 women have stretch marks ❤️

You are beautiful!

YouBelongHere · 15/04/2019 14:40

Stretch marks are part of life - I've had mine since I was a teenager and used to hate them. Sounds lame but I once saw a post on the internet comparing them to lightning bolts and now I love them!

Your ex sounds like a twat. Probably the same kind of person who thinks body hair on men is fine but the moment it's on women it's 'unhygienic' Angry

namechange586358 · 15/04/2019 14:47

Yep, funnily enough he hated body hair too.

OP posts:
Goldenphoenix · 15/04/2019 14:59

Your ex is an arse! Don't give him headspace. The vast majority of women have stretch marks after children, mine are barely noticeable now a few years after the birth of my youngest.

They came quickly and you haven't yet got used to them, give yourself a bit of time xx

Kko1986 · 15/04/2019 15:02

Hi op
Try bio oil I gained a lot during pregnancy and I used that I still have stretch marks as I just stopped using it. My c section scar and my stretch marks are a sort of medal to me I was told I would never have kids at the age of 19 and when I found I was pregnant they kept saying I would lose her but she is here.
Do see a doctor they may be able to help but congrats on the baby

Asta19 · 15/04/2019 15:03

I have a skin condition, like vitiligo but the opposite way round, so I was pale and developed large brown patches on my skin. I've seen a specialist but it hasn't helped. My thighs are white but for two large brown patches on my inner thighs, which look awful in a swimming costume. The rest of my legs and feet are patchy. I have patches on my face and hands, my elbows always look filthy, because they are very brown. When they first started appearing I used to sob over how "ugly" and "freakish" I looked.

Then I gave myself a reality check and realised that people have to deal with far worse in life. Now I honestly barely think about it anymore. In that time (around 10 years now) I've dated, I've had sex, I even got married! Nobody else cares. They really don't. Your ex used it as a way to treat you badly, he would have picked on anything, he just wanted to hurt you.

chocatoo · 16/04/2019 07:24

I agree with all the encouraging things above posters have said.
When all is said and done, there’s nothing you can do about them, they will fade and it could be so much worse. You just have to accept them and move on.

aintnothinbutagstring · 16/04/2019 07:49

Your body does lots of weird things during and after pregnancy, hormones have a lot to answer for. I had a chronic itching rash all over when I had my second. Your marks will fade from that angry red, just give it time and nourish your skin with oils and moisturiser. Take enough healthy fats, vitamin e and cod liver oil. Your hormones will settle soon enough too, you'll be fine don't worry. Your ex is a douchebag, how shallow can you get, and he'll be the one missing out big time. Enjoy your new baby Flowers

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