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Original poster

Breastfeeding ever get better ?!

30 replies

dontfollowmeimlosttoo · 15/04/2019 09:31

Hi everyone !
Long post alert ConfusedHmm
Really struggling at the moment...

Baby boy is 7 weeks old, exclusive breasted ( not sure how we are getting by but we are )

Tough from the start - undiagnosed tongue tie until 4 weeks... the usual shallow latches, him with milk blisters on lips, slipping off latch, cracked nipples etc !

Anyway 3 weeks post tongue tie and it's still awful. Every feed is painful even when I latch him on deep he pulls himself down or off so he is just suckling nipple!

His weight is fab was 8 pound 2 now 13 pound up two centiles .However I believe it's at the expense of being at the breast very frequently due to inefficient nipple feeding plus I have lots of milk which flowsfast so I think he just gets it somehow

To top it off silentreflux has been mentioned as hiccups after every feed squirming on breast and expressed milk when we tried that via bottle , frothing after feeds and trying to swallow milk that's coming up poorbaby.. just started ranitidine ..

Question is I don't know how much longer we can go on likethis I literally have no sleep all night as feeds take up to an hour keep un latching re latching only having a little bit then coming back an hour later .. I am getting 1-2 hours sleep if that.

The problem is he isn't the best with bottle either and tends to fling hands everywhere and only take in a couple
Of ounces if that.

I don't know what to do I go to breast support drop ins via nhs have paid private lactation consultants etc and everyone says the latch is fine and he is feeding beautiful and gaining weight - however this really isn't the whole picture. I am so stressed how baby can only stay on latch 1 minute or so and then crying frustrating trying to get back on and when he is on it's like he has teeth !

Has anyone been in this situation did u manage to get through ? Really considering formula as he just doesn't seem to be happy at the breast at all but because he is such a grazer I would be worried at overfeeding him formula as he usually is feeding every 1-2 hours.

Any advice please , anyone been in similar situation? Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 15/04/2019 09:37

Both of mine were like that, feeding was more painful than childbirth.

It did get better, once their mouths were a bit bigger, I think around 9 weeks for dc2. He's now 10.5 months and brilliant at feeding.

You could mix feed for a while, I did for dc1 and then cut out the bottles. Definitely possible to do that and might give you a rest. However it may make reflux worse, dc1 vomited a lot with bottles but not breastmilk.

Breastfeeding is the best for the child, but not always for the mother. If mix feeding keeps you both happy then do that and maybe cut it out after a few months. If you want to only formula feed then that's what you need to do. People say nobody gets a medal for not having pain relief in childbirth, you don't get a medal for breastfeeding either!

GPatz · 15/04/2019 09:37

I could have written exactly this with DS and somehow (still not sure how) it did just get easier. I remember there was no magic switch, just that DS got bigger and somehow sorted the latch himself. I bf DS until 20 months (he's now 2) and only stopped because I was pregnant with DD and it was getting uncomfortable.

GummyGoddess · 15/04/2019 09:38

Also re not being happy at the breast, he's in prime cluster feeding time. They are supposed to fuss and be a pain in the arse while feeding at that age.

thewinehasgonetomyhead · 15/04/2019 09:44

I could have written this. After 11 weeks of crying in pain every day with DD2 at home as well, I threw in the towel and I’ve not looked back since. Happier baby, happier mummy happier house.

jackstini · 15/04/2019 09:50

Yes it does get better
Have you tried nipple shields? They were the one thing that got me through the first few weeks!

UserFriendly14 · 15/04/2019 09:58

Like PP I could have written your post too. DS wouldn't latch properly and the pain was unbearable. I used to shake when it was time to feed him. Now he's 6 months old and just last night I marvelled at how simple BF was now- so please know that it does get better!

Mixing may help your pain in the short term and like PP, it can be stopped once everything is better. My DS also refused every bottle going until we tried the Lansinoh bottles which, for some reason, he's happy with. With regards to overfeeding him formula, why not try a little in a bottle and more can be made if he still seems hungry.

It may be worth double checking everything, latch/tie, at your BF support drop in. It doesn't hurt to get everything checked over.

Just know it does get better!

Shitonthebloodything · 15/04/2019 10:20

This may not be a popular mumsnetty type view but I wanted to say that I found breastfeeding unbearable both mentally and physically. It's ok to stop if you need to for your own well being.
Expressing or formula feeding are valid options and you wouldn't be wrong for making that decision if you feel you need to. Flowers

InternetArgument · 15/04/2019 10:21

Yes it does and it’s normal for it to be hellish at first. It’s an ordeal really and is trying for emotional reasons as well as the physical pain.

If you can, go to la leche league. If not at least get their magazine “Breastfeeding matters”. They are remarkably helpful and not at all judgemental in my experience.

Good luck!

miggeldysthepres · 15/04/2019 10:23

As a previous posted has said - try nipple shields

trampolinebouncer · 15/04/2019 10:24

Nipple shields - are the only thing that make things bearable for me.

Boom45 · 15/04/2019 10:26

At this age they do breastfeed A LOT. It feels like they're unhappy, or not getting enough or whatever but it's quite normal and does settle down. I quite liked the excuse to sit on my arse watching telly while they fed....
However, if you want to stop or you want to mix feed that is fine. I'm a big believer in breastfeeding but that doesn't mean formula is bad. My second was mix fed and it was so freeing for my family to not be tied to my baby 24/7 which helped my (pretty fragile) mental health post-birth. Breast might be "best" in a vacuum but its not best for every family.

LettuceLeave · 15/04/2019 10:27

Same story here! And as the first person to reply said, it got better as my DD got bigger. I'm not sure when it got better but I'm gonna guess around 3 months maybe? It's all a blur at the start. Still breastfeeding now at 11 months!

I laugh when people congratulate me and tell me I'm doing so well to still be breastfeeding. They say it as if it's easy as pie to just stop! 😂😂😂

BigDamnHero · 15/04/2019 10:29

Both mine had tongue ties (and I didn't realise with my first until he was several months old!) so I know the pain.

BFing was one of the hardest things I ever did but it DID get better.

In fact, with DS1 I was determined to get to a year but wasn't sure I'd make it. However, I ended up BFing him well past a year because it was sooo much easier by then.

I know these days stretch out into foreverness right now but one day you'll look back and it will all just be a blurred memory and you won't believe how long ago it all seems.

Elizabeth2019 · 15/04/2019 10:29

Get that referral to the laceration consultants they can really help and won’t just say latch looks great when you’re in pain!

They’re really really good - and cluster feeding does slow down and it’s much easier in a few weeks. For what it’s worth it’s definitely easier in the long term to breastfeed, preparing bottles involves forethought and sterilisation and packing. (I’ve been mixed feeding so not a breast is best fanatic - and some are)

Congratulations on your baby

LettuceLeave · 15/04/2019 10:30

It was probably earlier than 3 months... Like is said it is a blur looking back.

Best of luck to you though, whatever you decide to do 😊

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/04/2019 10:36

I would have given up by now if I was you. Breastfeeding was never painful for me.

If you want to stop, then please don’t force yourself to continue because of your baby. He’ll love you the best regardless of feeding style, and your mental health is more important than persisting at breastfeeding even when it’s negatively affecting you.

If you do want to continue and you’re not suffering, then I agree with a lactation consultation.

Qcumber · 15/04/2019 10:36

Hi OP. Sorry you're struggling. It is so hard at first but absolutely does get better. I remember thinking around 4 months I'm so glad I persevered because it's much easier than bottle feeding!
Mine didn't latch at all for 6 weeks so I expressed and then moved to nipple shields. She had a very shallow latch and I found the rugby ball hold made it much better. Also I squashed the areola down flat and moved her bottle lip down with it making sure the nipple was right at the back. Sometimes it took a few times to get it right but it's worth the effort.
Your nipples will get used to it and also baby and you will both get better and more experienced.
I don't know about reflux but I hope the medication helps with that.
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about lack of sleep at this point, he's still very little and will wake often whether you breast or bottle feed. Sleep whenever you can in the day (I used to go and sleep when we had visitors who would watch DD haha)
Good luck and well done you're doing a great job so far x

BabyMoonPie · 15/04/2019 10:39

Yes it gets easier. You're learning to bf and your son is learning to bf and it takes time. Could you try expressing a little before he latches so the milk is less forceful when he's feeding?

Newmumma83 · 15/04/2019 10:42

I didn’t stick with breast feeding past 10 weeks, mentally I was dying, latch was great actually my little guy was a natural.

But my milk was late and then what did come in was barely worth shouting about, I dual fed from 5 days ( due to significant weight loss from my milk not coming in ) and pumped to try to encourage milk flow.

Hospital visits / blood tests on baby and some baby blues = me getting very stressed and like you shattered from lack of sleep.

When I stopped trying at 10 weeks best mental choice I made , I started enjoying my baby for the first time.

He is a sicky baby has bad reflux so each feed was taking 1 and half to 2 hours and by the time I
Pumped it was time to start again.

I did feel guilty at first but I am a better mum for the choice, i did have bleeding cracked nipples but that was from the first 5 days where he latched and didn’t let go for hours sometimes 5-7 hours he just tried dream feeding etc ... it’s an awful pain... I am told expressing is less painful if you can find a teat that works ... tommiee tippee back to nature didn’t seem to overalls confuse my little guy x

SmallAndFarAway · 15/04/2019 10:46

So much better - after a tongue tie and loong feeds, I found we were down to ten minute feeds every three-four hours at four months or so. Couldn't believe how quick it was, and how easy - formula feeding is a lot of work with bottles etc., so after the first few months breastfeeding is definitely the easier option. Not saying it's not excruciatingly difficult right now, though...

Have you tried nipple shields, to give your nipples a break? Medela are the best in my experience, just be careful not to use them only as the baby might get hooked (mine fed exclusively from shields for a year, if I never wash another nipple shields I will die happy).

Damntheman · 15/04/2019 11:07

I got to the point with DC1 where I would cry every time he latched, he almost took my nipple off! But it did get better.

Get the support you need OP! And do not be afraid to switch to formula if that is what will make your life better. Be kind to yourself, fed is best.

JSSB · 15/04/2019 11:08

First off congratulations on the birth of our baby. As you've seen from the other responses this is not uncommon. Sadly I think in the rush to push breastfeeding the pain and discomfort aren't talked about enough by midwives and NCT etc which leaves you thinking there must be something wrong. I had a very similar experience with my daughter and persevered and it did get a lot better. I ended up feeding exclusively for 9 months and then mixed and loved the convenience of not having to worry about bottles etc.

My nipples were so cracked initially it was awful!!! Against midwife advice I got some nipple shields in the end and there was no nipple confusion, however it allowed my nipples to heal. Lanisinoh cream was also amazing. Establishing breastfeeding can take a long time so lots of skin to skin time and allowing the baby to feed whenever will help.

However, I would also say don't feel you have to persevere. After my daughter I had my twin boys and it was a very different experience with regard to feeding. We were in hospital after birth and for whatever reason I wasn't producing milk as I did before. We were kept in until they were happy I was breastfeeding enough - which I hated and just wanted to get home. Once home I was exhausted and breadtfeedjng just wasn't working. They then got an infection and developed sepsis and were taken back into hospital where they were tube fed. I made the decision to bottle feed and I know it was the right decision for us. I did feel pressured by the hospital but I was comfortable with my decision so was able to stand up for my choice.

Long story short it will likely get better but equally if you want to stop and are comfortable with your decision do so and know your baby will be happy either way. Hope that helps and good luck.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 15/04/2019 11:13

Got better with both mine one from 10 - 12 weeks and one from 14. So I'd say you are close to being over the worst! I think it was when they got a bit bigger and didn't need to feed so often also when they can move their head a bit better and position themselves without as much help. And after about 16 weeks it was much less of a faff than bottle feeding appeared. Hope it gets better for you soon. In hindsight it is such a short time but at the time it seem like a lifetime!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/04/2019 11:29

Yes, it does get better but it's not always possible for every mum/every baby,
Do you use a dummy - I wasn't a fan until I had DC1 and cracked nipples and she wanted to feed all the time?
If you have had lots of expert advice and they say great latch etc what are they saying when he slips off so quickly? Has anyone suggested changing his position? So he has feet under your armpit rather than across your body?
I never had a baby with the physical problems your DS has so am not sure how I would have persevered. Nîpple shields helped my nipples but slowed feeding down a lot and my milk supply wasn't particularly great.

Goldenphoenix · 15/04/2019 15:07

From 14 weeks it got easy for me. It only takes one bad latch and your nipple is then sore and it has no time to heal, i remember the agony! I used lahsinoh, some paraffin soaked gauze to heal and used the flipple technique to get our latch right.

If you need a break you can combi feed for a bit or start formula feeding, don't beat yourself up x

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