Asking about kids before date

6 replies

Ribrabrob · 14/04/2019 23:19

I'm dating at the moment and I'm looking for something serious, somebody to settle down and have children with. I don't want a fling or just a casual relationship so I don't want to 'waste' my time (or his) by going on a date or even just talking to somebody who doesn't want them.

So, my question - am I unreasonable to ask guys whether they want children in the very very early stages of talking? Do I just sound a bit creepy and desperate asking that?! As I say though, I've no desire to waste my time even by just going for one drink if I know there is no chance of a future.

OP posts:

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/04/2019 23:23

As you online dating

I would set things straight but be prepared for some men to lie

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/04/2019 00:16

In reverse, id be very very put off if asked that prior to dating, I would feel like I was only wanted to provide the person with their wants rather than being wanted me for me as an actual person.

Klopptimist · 15/04/2019 01:29

Yes, I think it's fine to state this. It's only fair that any potential suitor should know that he is only required as a sperm donor. Best of luck.

SpinneyHill · 15/04/2019 01:39

I'd run a bloody mile if someone said "I don't know the first thing about you but I want us to raise kids together, no I don't care about any MH, DV or addictions you may have or I'd have waited to discover them".

MarthasGinYard · 15/04/2019 01:41

I'm guessing your profile already states this?

It wouldn't be something I discussed quite that quickly....certainly not pre date.

Poppins2016 · 15/04/2019 01:53

I think it would be ok if you phrased it carefully. Something along the lines of "I'd like children one day, if I find the right person. Do you want children?". Something that declares how you feel without putting pressure on them.

I remember a friend jokingly saying 'don't discuss babies, he'll run a mile' when I went on my first date with my now DH. Amusingly, he actually told me, on our first date, how he was starting to get serious about dating because he wanted to find the right woman to settle down with and have children. I was in the same headspace myself, appreciated his honesty and made a 'note to self' that it was worth pursuing the relationship if we clicked.

Flip