Parents in law drinking

[KateTTC123]

I'm mostly looking for a good way to approach this. I'm currently almost 36 weeks pregnant with DC 2. DH's parents are our plan for what to do with DS when baby arrives as they live about 15 mins drive away. They also look after DS very regularly and he's very happy at their house. My own parents live 5 hours away so it needs to be them. The plan is that our neighbors would come round to watch DS for the time it takes for PIL to arrive at ours. DS arrived suddenly at 29 weeks and it was a very fast labour so we are already far further on than last time and I feel on pretty high alert. Anyway, they do know the plan but at the moment they are both drinking heavily most evenings. I feel bad asking them but I need them to nip this in the bud for a few weeks so they are able to come get DS when baby comes. How can I do this tactfully? AIBU to ask? Thanks!

I think you’re minimising.

Sure it’s good for DC to have time with GPs, but people who are pissed so frequently aren’t suitable to be in sole charge of a 2yo.

Alternatives include paying for childcare, asking people you don’t know all that well for help, asking family who live further away to visit, and/or DH not being there for the birth.

What does your H think about their level of drinking?

@loopytiles they are very conscientious when they have him round so I'm honestly not worried about that.
Of all the options you suggest as alternatives I think the only one that would actually work is for DH not to be there for the birth which, if it really came down to it would be what we would need to do but I would feel very sad about it. Relatives visiting isn't really practical as they all have jobs and could potentially need to stay for 6 weeks. Similarly paid childcare can't be on standby like this from what I understand; I don't know of any that would work in this situation but if you do then I honestly would love to know as the backup would be good to have.
I think I just need to bite the bullet and talk to them about it. They are good people and they have DS's best interests at heart. DH is an only child and this is our last baby (hopefully!!!) So they don't need to be in this situation again.
MIL gave up smoking when DS was born as he was so prem and couldn't be around any smokers so I'm sure she would make the sacrifice if I asked.

We had similar in our family. My mil was meant to look after my niece when Sil went in to have their second child, at the time mil drank a couple cans of cider most evenings but more often than not she'd drink more and get drunk, not tipsy, but merry but slurry, stumbling drunk and my sil had the same worries you did. She also was the plan for looking after the children when sil returned to work. Bil did ask if she's lay off the booze in case baby came late on, and mil got offended because it's "only a couple of cans" and there's no way she's not drinking for a few weeks.

They ended up taking my niece to hospital with them. Not ideal but it was either that or bil stay home and sil goes in on her own.

How do you know they don't drink when they have your son? My mil, unbeknown to sil and bil was actually drinking when she was looking after their eldest. A neighbour popped in after hearing crying, she got worried when it didn't stop and went to see if mil was ok. She'd passed out drunk.

I knew for a fact she was drinking during the day though, I told the relatives who received free childcare from her but they continued leaving the children with her because she said she didn't drink when she had any of the kids and that I was exaggerating because I'm a judge tee total.

I wasn't exaggerating and it took three quite serious incidents, a phone all from the school to say they are refusing to let the children leave with their gran because she's that drunk she's fallen in the playground three times for those close to her to accept that their mum can't be left alone with the kids anymore. Sil wuizzed the eldest grandson why he didn't her gran was drinking so much and poor kid said he thought it was normal which to him it was and since birth he'd see her pouring cider or gin almost every day.

It's not just going for baby number two where this could cause problems and while I hope it's never ever needed it might be best to have something worked out for other situations where they can't be relied on for childcare, like what if one of your family takes seriously ill and you want to go visit and see them but in-laws are drunk? What if your dh needed an urgent hospital visit but in-laws are pissed?

Your instincts are telling you they can't look after him when drunk. Listen to them.