To eat midt meals with an involuntary knot in my stomach?

[bordellosboheme]

My kids are 3 and 7. They often squabble. I have become intimidated by them. Especially at meal times. They will not sit on a chair for long. They cry and moan. The youngest throws cutlery. This is the same at home or if out for a meal. They want to play on my phone. We forbid this. They cry and moan more. They leave half or most of their dinner. I try to chat nicely with them. The oldest replies sarcastically and is sullen. They don't respect food or mealtimes. I'm now always eating my dinner with a massive knot in my stomach. It's making me ill. The stress is massive and I don't have any tricks left up my sleeve.

Are they hungry?

20 minutes is not too long for the 7 year old.

What I think would be really valuable to you OP is if you could get someone to look after the 3 year old on a Saturday lunchtime and take the 7 year old out to eat. Just the two of you. Make it special and just go to a child friendly café, even a garden centre café will do. The purpose is to give that child your full attention and enjoy a meal together.

I used to take my son when he was about 4 and he would practice eating in public, sitting nicely, using a knife, fork and napkin, talking in a low volume and generally being 'grown up' and special. Little coffee shop cafes are ideal for this as they have a nice ambience and seem special to a little one.

My ds used to practice eating beans on toast with a knife and fork which is not that easy. The point is that it's special 1-1 time and that the child understands they need to use their best manners. If your 7 year old can do this you can persuade them to be a role model to the younger one.

Incidentally, my granny used to do this with me when I was little and we played 'being posh in a restaurant'. I have very fond memories of this time with her. It felt special and important and I'm sure your child would benefit from this too.

Honestly I think you need to set down the rules and stick to them. If you threaten something you need to follow through otherwise they won't care or show any respect.

And at 3 and 7 they won't appreciate a massive effort. Sometimes it's better to make a meal in under 30 mins and spend family time doing fun stuff like a film or playing games.

In the same way being overtired affects bedtime routines, I know my dds dinner has to be by 5 otherwise dd2 (6) gets very over hungry, irrational and emotional. She can't cope with being hungry!!

And pudding can be a big incentive to eat! A massive treat in our house is ice cream in a cone, jelly or Angel delight! However if mine don't make a decent effort at mealtimes there is nothing at all until the next meal, has happened only a handful of times and mine are 10 and 6. They won't starve themselves.

Knowing that your parents will carry through on a "threat" of discipline (whatever form that needs to take, depending on the child) is a powerful thing, in the mind of a child in that age range. But they need to know that you mean what you say and aren't merely bluffing.

One tactic I still remember from my own childhood was that if we didn't eat enough of our food (because we didn't like the vegetables, because we wanted to get up and play, etc.), it would be covered and put in the refrigerator. Later on that day/evening, if we became hungry, our plate would come back out. If the rest of the family was having a treat of some sort, we couldn't join in until we had eaten a decent amount of our meal. If children get hungry, they'll eat.

It was a powerful incentive to eat, knowing that the food would just be waiting for us, if we didn't. We all grew up with a healthy relationship with food-- no eating disorders, no harm done.

If the issue is disrespectful behaviour, sending them away from the table without a meal every now and then certainly won't hurt them.

Better experience tonight. Whizzed up some butternut soup which the little one helped with, then I had a sly bowl before calling them all down to eat. That meant at least I didn't have low blood sugar when the fun and games and screaming started (which they did)!