Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To feel that ill never be interesting until i have a baby?

24 replies

Britneysfa · 14/04/2019 16:16

Name changed for this as i think ill get blasted and its totally identifying

Im in my early 30's and come from a small family. The kind of family where everybody has babies and a picket fence. Im pretty successful in my chosen career and have recently been promoted to an exciting new management position. Ive also just got engaged (yay!), but for various reasons having a child is unlikely.

Im increasingly feeling that anything i do will always be overshadowed by my childlessness. Conversations are demoninated by discussing relatives children etc, i dont even think my mother could tell you my job role.

Today my mum has organised a get together to celebrate my engagement. I live a little further from home so we are having an all woman get together to celebrate.

My twin has recently has had her third baby, im really happy about this. I looked after her little ones while she was in labour, i couldnt be happier honestly. However...

My gathering is now definately about this, rsvps are now about how excited they are to meet the baby, all conversation is all about the baby. I get honestly that its really exciting

However all of sudden, everybodys bringing children to the gathering and i feel really unimportant. Obviously i cant say anything because its seems like such a spoilt thing to think?

Have other people without children found this? Do i just need to accept that in a family like mine that babies will always have the focus and adults only gatherings arent going to happen for some time.

Aibu to feel like this?

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 16:19

Your family are being U to act like this, although not necessarily about the gathering, which sounds like a general get together.

SerenDippitty · 14/04/2019 16:20

I always feel like this at family gatherings, I’m the only person not to have children in my immediate or extended family and always feel like an outsider.

SerenDippitty · 14/04/2019 16:22

I also don’t think YABU to feel your engagement is being overshadowed byyour sister’s baby.

adayatthebeach · 14/04/2019 16:22

there are good reasons and wrong reasons to have a child. Please consider this.

Loopytiles · 14/04/2019 16:24

How old are the DC who will now be attending and how far are the other attendees travelling?

QuimNiceButDim · 14/04/2019 16:25

I’m the exact same! My twin sister is pregnant with her first baby. She’s always been quite precious and, as The First Pregnant Woman In The Entire World, every single word that comes out of her mouth is about being pregnant. I’m very happy for her, but it can be quite boring to engage in conversation with her as, no matter what you say, she brings it back around to her pregnancy. It’s quite a skill as the links can be so tenuous.

My mother seems to have followed suit. I’ve also just had a promotion and mentioned it to my mother. She congratulated me, told me BIL is also hoping to get a promotion and it’ll be needed for when the baby arrives so she really hopes me gets it and then she went off on a tangent and my news wasn’t mentioned again.

It’s just an example but every single conversation turns to my sister’s pregnancy.

I’m a fairly private person so I think it’s just different communication styles. I’m now finding I’m being much more reserved with what information I share as it’s annoying to have any topic from promotion to golf be reframed.

ThisIsTheEndgame · 14/04/2019 16:27

Having 2 DC myself I suggest a change of perspective - they all talk about kids all the time because getting so wrapped up in babies means they have nothing else interesting to say, which is quite sad for them. I have found in the past I really struggle for a non child related topic of conversation and I have even bored myself.

Silversun83 · 14/04/2019 16:37

YANBU. My DH's family is like this. Our whole wedding was overshadowed by the imminent birth of The First Grandchild. It wasn't straightforward, in that the baby was being induced because of growth issues, but I was still a bit annoyed when I found out that DH's parents had been talking about leaving the reception to go and support DH's manchild brother. They went to the hospital at midnight instead.

Silversun83 · 14/04/2019 16:39

And we have now two DC ourselves and I get the importance of new life etc etc, but we were very much at the bottom of their priority list for a while. and still are.

Supersimpkin · 14/04/2019 16:42

Your family are baby bores, OP.

Ragwort · 14/04/2019 16:45

The vast majority of baby centred conversations are utterly boring and predictable, I found once I had my DC I even bored myself . Find yourself a more interesting group of friends to spend your time with.

TapasForTwo · 14/04/2019 16:48

"they all talk about kids all the time because getting so wrapped up in babies means they have nothing else interesting to say,"

This ^^ with bells on.

I was the childless one of the family for many years, then when DD was born I became an utter bore about PFB. My sister had to tell me to nip it in the bud

SoHotADragonRetired · 14/04/2019 16:49

This can sometimes happen when you outstrip your family academically or career-wise. They feel inadequate to discuss your degree/job and so they fall back on marriage and babies - they're seen as a leveller (and sometimes, sadly, used to take women who make other family members insecure down a peg or two - sure, she's all high-flying, but she doesn't have what's really important). Could that be going on here?

In short, your family are being pretty crap. I'm sorry. What do you think they would say if you told them you were pretty pissed off with having your engagement undermined and everything being about babies?

Original poster

Britneysfa · 14/04/2019 17:03

Thank you all. I thought i would be completely crucified.

Its nice to hear that others felt similarly and can understand that while i love my niece's completely that sometimes i want a bit of attention!

OP posts:

Usuallyinthemiddle · 14/04/2019 17:07

It wears off a bit when the babies become children! It's a bore, isn't it? I've had friends who played Eve. I suspect I was probably like that too with PFB but as 2 came quite quickly after I got bored of baby chat!!
They probably don't know what to say. So they tell an out what they can empathise with. It'll pass!

Usuallyinthemiddle · 14/04/2019 17:07

*talk about

Guyliner · 14/04/2019 17:08

It's not you who isn't interesting and it's not your sister who is.

It's the baby that is interesting. It's a whole brand new human no one has ever met before. And it's a brand new family member. Of course they're excited.

You'll find if circumstances ever change and you do get pregnant that people will be nice to you the first time while pregnant but once the baby is here that its all about the baby! And by the second or third time pregnant no one really gives a shit till the baby is here. No one will even notice unless you dare to drink a glass of wine or eat some soft cheese

Guyliner · 14/04/2019 17:11

You were upset that someone considered leaving your party to support their son and his first baby that had health issues? and he's the man child? Fuck me.

bobbypinseverywhere · 14/04/2019 17:14

totally get this - I'm the only one among my friends without kids - but do have a "high flying career" -the other day i got asked what I'm doing with my life - with the undertone to the conversation being as i hadn't pushed a miracle out of my vagina my life was devoid of worth...

smugness to the highest order. we are TTC so stings even more!

Picclothes32 · 14/04/2019 17:14

I am childfree by choice and honestly, some people are just baby bores. I very rarely get asked anything about myself but am expected to find other people's children endlessly fascinating while they are not even polite enough to ask about my travel abroad, successful career, recent award wins etc. Or even my DH! My life is clearly uninteresting to them.

But some people are just like this. And that's OK. I have other groups of friends who have more to talk about than just babies/relationships/weddings. You just need to find more people like this.

daftgeranium · 14/04/2019 17:19

Yep. Welcome to the fetishization of motherhood, and the all-pervading attitude in our society that you aren't a real woman until you have had kids.
It's complete bullshit.
Enjoy your life and be proud of who you are, whether you have kids or not.

Silversun83 · 14/04/2019 19:02

@guyliner - the baby hadn't been born (it was the first day of an induction) and the girlfriend was 36 weeks. I don't know of many grown parents to be who need their own parents hanging around the hospital. And I won't go into the details but DH's brother was meant to be his best man if he hadn't got his girlfriend of three weeks pregnant 8 months bevore

Silversun83 · 14/04/2019 19:08

And believe me, there is a whole backstory of brother palming off his own responsibility onto his parents, including phoning his dad from the motorway because he had run out of petrol (as he couldn't be bothered to return to his office to get his wallet).

Anyway, sorry for the derail, OP!

vincettenoir · 14/04/2019 20:56

There are people in my close and extended family who only ever want to talk about kids. What you describe does sound frustrating. I don’t think their attitudes are likely to change tbh. I would continue to enjoy the relationships you have with them but accept their limitations and look for richer relationships elsewhere / foster the relationships you have with other people where you can connect with on other things.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread