To give the voice in my head a name

[Home77]

DH thinks it's weird.

I told him about how our thoughts are not really us and i have started giving this inner critic a name. (it is called Madge)

He looked at me strangely and he said but of course it is you...he has not thought of regarding it any other way.

It's kind of helpful to have some distance from this grumpy nag at times and AIBU not to want to be associated with her in such a way?

If it's your inner voice (and not a mental health issue!) then I think you need to own it, not distance yourself from it. If it's negative all the time, I think you need to explore why with professional help.

It's human to be sometimes grumpy, we can't be happy delights all the time, that's not realistic.

I remember saying to my dh ooooo that’s what the voice inside my head sounds like today (can’t remember the context but it was an African voice-does change). Strangely it’s not my accent but very distinct foreign ones that change. By this I mean the voice I read in or have thoughts about, not the one that tells me to stab people 🤪😜. He was like wtaf? Never thought of giving her a name though😉☹️, what a great idea. I’m going to go with Lavender

Eh, i have OCD, my "voice" is called Simon, as its a lifelong game of "Simon says" in my head!

Just to reassure I don’t have a voice that tells me to hurt people. I wouldn’t listen anyway, I’m far too lazy.

I can see how somebody who isn't plagued by a negative internal narrative from other people wouldn't understand it/could be thinking that's Hearing Voices.

But I know the majority of the shitty things I'd say about myself are an amalgamation of my mother's, various bullies' and my exes' voices, not mine. DP says it's like the cartoons where Tom would have a little Angel and Devil on his shoulder and visualising pinging the negative one off the shoulder really helped separate the two. Made me laugh, as well.

Oh, it's a helpful thing apparently...

Naming your critic allows you to see it for what it is. When you name your critic it loses some of its power because you are acknowledging that you are not the problem. You don’t need to be fixed. The real problem is that you believe everything the critic is telling you.

Research on naming emotion shows that when you name what you are feeling, there is decreased activity in the parts of the brain in charge of emotion. Labeling your experience helps you steady your mind. When you label what's happening you feel calmer and more in charge.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/shift/201504/3-ways-outsmart-your-inner-critic

He's obviously just too thought identified and not enlightened

When people talk about this inner voice, do you actually hear it like thoughts or is it almost audible to you?

That these inner voices exist fascinates me as it appears I’m broken and don’t have one.

I'm talking about our thoughts really but some people do hear voices and there is a thing called hearing voices network I think. Not sure if it means hearing thoughts as voices though or something else.

As long as it’s just your inner voice you hear, and not a completely different voice(s) that is separate from your inner thoughts, and competes with the voice of your inner thoughts I think you are okay. (That’s probably doesn’t make sense but makes sense in my head lol)

Madge can be so rude. I'm perimenopausal and she gets so angry about such silly things. I just try and ignore her to be honest - she's even mean about people wearing hats and just walking along at times. People are her main bug bear. She never used to be like this (sigh)

I love this idea.

I might name my piers morgan because then I will pay it no attention whatsoever and know that when it's telling me I'm useless it's also the twat who whinges on about 'why isn't there an international men's day, it's so sexist just to have a woman's day' etc. I shall think of myself as Susannah Reid and when I've had a good day, I shall think of it as when Ben Shepherd is in.

piers is now telling me this is a terrible idea
i have told him to go boil his head

I honestly don’t have this. I don’t ever hear thoughts in this way (like a conversation) and I never criticise myself. It’s hard to imagine being mean to myself tbh but still fascinating that some people experience this.

I certainly don’t have any part of my thoughts that I could name as separate. But now I’m worried why I don’t lol.

You can also imagine then talking in a silly way, or repeat what they say in a cross way, etc...make sit seem but less real at times. Mine also is mean to me sometimes, but it's everything recently and worse when hormonal. she does even make me laugh sometimes as well. and she's so repetitive! argh. I'm like, no not that again! Enough - leave it.

Shaggy wonder if we with the critics were criticised in the past or had critical parents or something? Not sure. You will have some inner monologue though? even if just thinking about what you are doing next, planning etc?

My thoughts are horrendously negative.

I had no idea until I started CBT.

I struggle to stop the constant criticism, I feel like if I dare to not listen then I'll be sorry later.

I'm literally my own enemy.

I think naming it will help.

Yessiry- yes, maybe think a name up? Something mean and cross for it, have a go.

Close your eyes @Home77 and picture yourself thwacking Madge around the head with a wet haddock. I might do this with piers.

piers is now totally silent

Yessiry - me too. I think I mentally bully myself. It's like having an abusive relationship with myself.

I'm going to send Madge on a CBT course I think...or hitting with a wet fish could be an idea! It can be exhausting can't it. (she sounds strangely similar to my mum at times. hmm)

It can help give a bit of space from the buggers though. Mine is also always guilt tripping me.