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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? No effort for my birthday

20 replies

Smurfette17 · 14/04/2019 07:33

I usually wouldn’t care about this but it has really got to me. Usually I spoil him rotten for his, and we always put up balloons and banners etc. for each others birthdays. There’s been nothing for me this year except a card and I don’t know if it’s wrong to feel upset about this.

OP posts:

Houseonahill · 14/04/2019 07:58

YANBU to be upset about no effort but balloons and banners every year for an adults birthday sounds OTT. Is there a reason he's made no effort? Money, other problems in the relationship etc?

MiniEggAddiction · 14/04/2019 08:00

YANBU. I would just tell him how you feel in as non-confrontational a way as possible.

liitlepenguin · 14/04/2019 08:09

Yanbu- happy birthday

Tell him! Then do your own thing x

GreenTulips · 14/04/2019 08:11

Best way is to ignore his birthday, so he understands how you feel.
I did this and just said, well that how you treated my birthday so I assume you want the same?

He’s never done it again (no balloons or banners, but cake and gifts)?

PregnantSea · 14/04/2019 08:44

YANBU. If a precedent has been set that you both make a big fuss of each other's birthdays then this is really shitty.

I would just directly ask him what on earth happened and why he's not bothered. He clearly didn't forget as he gave you a card... Ask him. Demand that he makes it up to you

MRex · 14/04/2019 08:50

I'd let him know he needs to get a present, he can still get one late. Tell him you're upset and want more fuss next year. Maybe he doesn't want banners and balloons for his birthday though and they just go up for yours.

JenniferJareau · 14/04/2019 08:51

YANBU. Tell him how you feel. It's th ed only way things will change

Babdoc · 14/04/2019 08:52

I’d worry about WHY he hasn’t bothered. Has he checked out of the relationship/stopped caring about you/become depressed/got another woman....?
There is a conversation waiting to be had here, and I fear it may be an unexploded bomb.

daisypond · 14/04/2019 09:05

Tell him. Balloons and banners seem a bit OTT to me but if that is what you generally both do... are you sure he likes it? It seems quite babyish.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2019 09:17

Ask him what the problem is?

KC225 · 14/04/2019 09:33

I hate this, I make a big fuss over birthdays and I love them. Kids have huge parties, even the rescued Guinea Pigs a birthday and we do a vegetable cake. DH loves it when its his birthday, but mine is more hit and miss and often miss with me ending up in tears. He usually says, but I've been busy or I'm just not into birthdays - yeah but I am into birthdays, its one day and its not the money its the effort.

Happy belated birthday OP. Does he usually make a fuss about birthdays? Has there been a chance of circumstances this year? I know it doesn't make up for it fully but could you arrange something with a friend or some family.

Samind · 14/04/2019 09:35

Happy birthday OP!

Make a fuss of yourself and treat yourself today- excessively!

🎉🎂🍷

OneStepSideways · 14/04/2019 10:10

I think it's very childish to expect a fuss on your birthday, particularly with balloons! Are you sure he wants that sort of thing for his birthday?

DH and I don't do Birthday cards (commercialised waste of paper imo), but we do ask each if we want to do something to mark it. DH wanted a party for a landmark birthday so I organised it all. We give each other gifts throughout the year rather than on birthdays.

I don't understand adults who want presents, cake, balloons etc!

MustBeAWeasly · 14/04/2019 10:16

I hate it when people say it's childish and ott to want to be made a fuss of on your birthday. I think everyone saying that is being very boring and just wants to be seen as grown up 🙄
My DH and I always go big for birthdays we don't have a lot of money for gifts or days out but we've had the same banners for 7 years in a box in the loft. Every year we sneak downstairs and decorate the house it's a nice fun thing to do for each other and it makes you feel like it really is just a special day for you even if you don't do anything.

So no yanbu if it's something you both do regularly I think it's sad he didn't do it for you this year. I'd ask instead of stew it'll just make you feel worse

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2019 11:00

@OneStepSideways

But it's not about how you and your family celebrate birthdays. The OP does it differently and that's what the thread is about.

KC225 · 14/04/2019 11:18

Onestepsideways By coming on and saying I think it's childish when people celebrate birthdays making this about you and not the OP. The OP has every right to want to clecrate her birthday. Its great that you an your DH are on the same page regarding birthdays, no cards, no gifts. Perhaps a birthday scowl. But that is not OP and you do not have the moral high on (non) birthday celebrations.

Raspberrytruffle · 14/04/2019 11:28

Do the same for his birthday just get him a card and if he complains say oh I thought we are not doing birthdays? I'm petty

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 14/04/2019 12:47

We do for others what we want to receive for our selves - does he actually want this fuss?

And is he generally a loving and supportive partner? that's more important than a few balloons IMHO.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 14/04/2019 12:50

I hate it when people say it's childish and ott to want to be made a fuss of on your birthday. I think everyone saying that is being very boring and just wants to be seen as grown up

On the other hand, Im sure Im not alone, where I have acquaintances who have this big thing about birthdays - oh he bought me this/that we went here/there and it's all a massive fanfare - I know for a fact it's all a façade, he's an absolute wanker, knocks her about and is work shy ….. so the fact he's spent her money buying her a massive present/diamond/holiday does really doesn't cut the mustard with me. I'd shove his big-fuss balloons right up his arse.

OneStepSideways · 14/04/2019 15:23

But it's not about how you and your family celebrate birthdays. The OP does it differently and that's what the thread is about

I was using my family as an example. And to be honest I don't know any adults who do balloons and banners for their spouse unless it's for a big landmark party.

OP perhaps he's just fed up with Birthday banners and balloons, and being 'spoiled rotten' whatever that means. Have you talked to him about it or asked him if that's what he actually likes on his birthday? Lots of people prefer to keep it low key. Many find the whole Birthday hype thing a bit cringy. Perhaps that's what he is hinting at?

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