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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to do something about my neighbour, and if so what?!

15 replies

cat234 · 13/04/2019 21:03

I live on a cul de sac, and my garden backs onto the side of a house on the next street. Their front door is on the side of the house facing my garden, and their garden runs down the side of my garden. An elderly couple lived this, we knew them by sight, but that was about it. The husband passed away about a year ago. Since then the adult age son (prob in his 50s) seems to have moved back to the house, we never saw him previously and now appears to live there some, or possibly all of the time with the old lady.

The son appears to have some degree of health/mental health problems. He spends a lot of time going in and out the front door, banging the door and gate, then standing in their back garden chain smoking and taking to himself. This generally initially starts as talking then becomes shouting, including outbursts of random swear words, it doesn’t appear to ever be aimed at anyone/anything in particular. This has been going on at least 2-3 times a week, often more since last May. It was much worse over the summer, warm evenings seemed to mean he spent longer outside. This generally occurs between 23:00 and 4:00am. He also has outbursts during the day as well, but less often. Even with my bedroom windows closed I can hear his shouting when it reaches full pitch, but with the window open I can just hear pretty much a constant tirade all night.

I went round last summer, August ish I think, as it was driving me mad and knocked on the door. The elderly lady answered, I explained the issue briefly, she apologised and said her son wasn’t well, and hadn’t taken his dad dying well, and “was drinking lots....of coffee...and smoking”. The way she said it, she inferred that the “coffee” clearly wasn’t coffee.

Anyway, I tired to ignored it to, given the obvious difficult circumstances at the time for them. But it’s still ongoing. Last night and this morning he was at it again. I could hear his shouting over my windows closed and tv on, and I’m dreading another summer of it.

What can I do? I don’t know if there is mental health issues present, alcoholism or quote what, but this obviously isn’t normal behaviour! Would environmental health be able to do anything? Or is there anywhere else that can help? Due to layout of the streets my house gets the worst as we have their garden and gate/door backing onto us. Other people will only just hear it when he’s moved around to their garden only.

OP posts:
Shrewbie · 13/04/2019 21:07

Sounds awful :( contact the police on a non emergency maybe, see if they can get a pcso to pop round find out exactly what's going on? I wouldn't have put up with it as long as you have had to. Contact county council environmental health for advice x

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2019 21:13

I would be concerned that the elderly woman is in an abusive situation with her son. I would call the police and report this.

AnnieMay100 · 13/04/2019 21:14

Can you get in touch with your local council as a concern not a complaint? It sounds like the lady needs support for her son as she sounds vulnerable herself.

Shrewbie · 13/04/2019 21:17

Sugar.... This could well be that cuckooing.... Get the police in as a gentle investigative thing to start. It may not be her son at all but someone using her house as she's too vulnerable to stop it.

cat234 · 13/04/2019 21:22

There are carers who seem to be round generally twice a day, which is why I hadn’t been too worried about the elderly lady side of things, I hoped/assume they would pick up if there was anything that was making her at risk etc.

I’ll contact the council in the week then, I had been reluctant to as felt sorry for them, and assumed that if some/all is due to mental health problems they may be unable to do much anyway, rather than a neighbour deliberately being a nuisance issue. Wasn’t sure if I was over reacting....but consensus seems to be that I’m not!! Thanks :-)

OP posts:
tempester28 · 13/04/2019 22:07

Sounds like a mental health issue.

Meangirls36 · 13/04/2019 22:09

Sounds like tourettes.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 13/04/2019 22:11

Do you know whether he is getting any support? I think this is one of scenarios that’s really complicated and wouldn’t necessarily s somved by environmental health. I can’t even think of a service that would deal with this necessarily.

IHateUncleJamie · 13/04/2019 22:18

It does sound awful and if we get another hot summer you can’t have your windows shut all night.

Have you recorded any of it? Might come in handy.

PragmaticWench · 14/04/2019 09:42

From past experience you may need to keep a diary of dates/times/details for the council to help on a noise nuisance side of things.

HoraceCope · 14/04/2019 09:46

can you contact social services?

HoraceCope · 14/04/2019 09:47

or mental health services?

Rosesaredead · 14/04/2019 11:13

I don't think it sounds like tourettes, especially given the mums reaction. I'd agree with asking police advice. It would make me feel quite frightened and if you feel the same then it's definitely good to chat to the police and find out if they can help.

Aprillygirl · 14/04/2019 11:34

It sounds like schizophrenia or similar. Poor you though,having to put up with that all night. I would definitely call the council. It may even help the family in the long run as a kick start to get the help they obviously need. Good luck OP.

SuchAToDo · 14/04/2019 11:38

I would do as previous posters said and contact police and have them have a word...if that is what he is like in public...imagine what he could be like behind closed doors, and your poor elderly neighbour may be too vulnerable and scared/intimidated to stand up to him and confront him about his behaviour...

You may be doing both you and her a favour by reporting it to someone

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