That I’m gutted that my child already is known as a rough kid?

[derbygirl24]

My child is in Reception and is known as a rough kid already along side these two other boys. I am a bit gutted tbh as we all know that’s a euphemism for ‘annoying’ or or worse.
DS has been saying that these two other boys wont leave him alone and follow him all the time. I thought he was making this up, but I had a word with the teacher and she not only confirmed this but said she has had to tell these two kids to stop following DS and they are not allowed to play with him during class time. (This I was really surprised at). But during break time they arent supervised to that extent, and DS gets hounded by them. He says its easier to give in and let them play than keep saying no.
I watched them all together in a party earlier and they become so boysterous. I am gutted as it doesnt seem like him and he was a different boy to the one I’ve known for 5 years
He’s asked to move schools, what would you do?

Work on his assertiveness. Role play with him telling you (you being “them”)he doesn’t want to play and walking away. Not just once but ongoing.

Friends really do shape how a child behaves even at such a young age. Once a child gets labelled as a 'rough' child that's how he will be seen and that's how he will be treated as others. I studied sociology at university and I think it's called the expectancy effect. How you are perceived by others, leads to them treating you in such a manner. So if your child's teacher sees him as rough he may get into trouble more or blamed for things that he didn't necessarily do.

If there no way that your child can be separated from these two boys, then chances are he will give into them and start hanging out with them voluntarily. Moving schools may be a good option.

Thanks, ILoveMaxiBondi. Yes, we do this daily. I feel like we have the same conversation each night. And he just says they don’t listen. But, Yes, I will keep chatting things through each day thanks

Hi Ashana, I also studies sociology and also anthropology, so I totally get this. My DH says I’m too aware of it and so worry too much, but when the teach is trying to step in, I think it’s something valid to be worries about. I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience. I don’t really want to move schools, but we’ll look into it...

There is no reason he can't be separated from them at playtime.

If he doesn't want to play with them that should be respected.

Definitely if the teacher sees it as an issue, then it’s an issue.

Is it a one class per year school? If no can he move class instead? It does sound like they should be trying a bit harder to make sure he is separated from them at break and lunch, if they also think it's an issue! What if he was being bullied surely they'd have to keep more of an eye on him then? Easier said than done though I know

Abolutely, NannyOgg! (Thats a sentence I never thought I’d say!)
This is what we teach our kids at home, the respecting of eachothers wishes, but his teacher has said they don’t interfere in that way at play/ break time...
I do talk my son through things, giving him stages of things to say and do when someone doesnt listen, but things don’t seem to change...

Honestly, I would look at moving schools especially if they don't supervise so closely at playtime that these boys are an issue. Your DS is 5yo and can't really be expected to deal with their persistent hounding of him without some adult help.

What if he was being bullied, are the school saying that playtime is fair game them too?

Presumably he wouldn’t play like that if he wasn’t enjoying it?

Moving schools would solve the problem with these boys, but not his problem with being easily led and forgetting how he should behave. That will need some work too.

Yes, its a ine class per year school, so no other class option sadly :-( and the other good school is oversubscribed...
And yes, that does sound like thats what they’re saying that its all fair game at playtime... I might go in again after Easter... thnka for your replies!

I would speak to the school. If they know there is an issue then it's unacceptable to just leave a reception age child to deal with it themselves during break time.

Yabbers- yes I am under no illusions that he isn’t perfect! But its also as ILoveMaxiBondi said, if he gets a rep for it, he might just fall into wider expectations and play to it.

Definitely ask the teacher for help, say your working with your do, he doesn't want this so what can school do for him?
Just because it's play doesn't mean they have no responsibility.
What can you do to build other friendships, play dates etc

Can you email the teacher and set out your concerns - it will give them time to think about how best to support him. Tell them he wants to move school - they may not be aware of how big an impact this is having on him.

FWIW my friends little boy was known to be very high spirited and easily led but as he's grown up he's developed the confidence and self awareness to show just how kind, generous and intelligent he is. He'll always be energetic but the rough play really was just a phase. He's a credit to her.

Yes, Woolduvet, we discussed with the teacher children who had bonded in someway withDS and we have been inviting these boys for playdates and he has a fee good friends apart from the other two. But it doesn’t seem to have shifted these other two from badgering him every day :-(

He might have to resort to being borderline rude. Practise sentences that won't get him in trouble, but make it clear what he's doing. Ask the teacher to mention to playground staff that he's struggling.
Keep nagging the teacher, sadly that's the way to get help, ask her what they're trying has it helped etc.

Can you phone the other school and see if there is any spaces?

The reason I suggest this is we moved our dd to an ‘oversubscribed’ school as we were lucky enough her year group wasn’t full.

It depends on birth rate and they had quite a few pupils move out of the school as they relocated elsewhere but there was still the perception that it wasn’t worth applying as it is well known for being full.

What was the reason that the teacher gave for the boys not being allowed to bother your ds during class time?

Whatever it is, it doesn't just disappear at playtime. If the school have decided to intervene in this way during class time, they need to be consistent at break and lunch.

The children are five years old. It's up to the teachers and other staff to ensure that your child isn't being unduly badgered, esp as they've agreed that it's a problem for him.

Can you speak to their parents? If not I'd be moving schools OP. That age is truely when they are shaped.

Also set up a star chart at home so he's being rewarded for good behaviour. Really big it up.

Meet the school and all chat together and get the school to work on the whole class etc. He should not have to move school and I'm surprised they haven't dome more for you.
Ask the teacher to do some sessions on rough play etc

Thanks everyone. Yes, I’ll definately ask to meet with the teacher. I find it very frustrating and depressing :-( but I’m hoping we’ll sort it out one way or another...

I would call the other school and put him on the waiting list (if there are no places now). Families move in the summer holidays. I think this is a good idea because if this situation doesn't get resolved at least you have a plan b.

I feel for him though. My son has a really naughty boy who follows him around at lunchtime and chants and shouts at him. He is going into year 6 in September so we are leaving it since he only has one more year then secondary. But your dc is so much younger. It really needs resolving now.