To feel constant self doubt?

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

I'm 37 and I would have thought I'd have grown out of this by now. But as it is, my days are full of self-doubt and a real lack of self confidence. At work I often feel fairly inadequate, I'm scared of making mistakes, and don't respond well to any sort of 'rejection.' For example, someone criticised me in a meeting today. I don't know if it was a fair criticism or not, but I am now sitting here basically thinking I'm crap at my job, when I sort of know that someone else might just have shrugged it off and moved on. In other areas of my life, I worry for example about whether people like me, or about whether I've said the wrong thing. In fact, I also spent a lot of my life feeling like a total loon having said something stupid!

Does anybody else feels like this? If so, what strategies do you use to deal with it - and do they work!?

I should just add that I am generally quite a happy person having said all that. In fact, I think that my life would be pretty amazing, if I could just get rid of feeling like I've constantly not got things right! Give me some tips!

Thank you!

You have low self esteem like me. I've been like it since I was a child, I remember being self conscious at a young age, well before children generally become aware of it, and I've never really put my finger on why.
Have you thought about counselling? I'm trying it because I'm utterly fed up of it taking over everything I do. I want to be free of it, because even if make an effort to get myself out there, socialise, take risks, there is still that nagging and annoying voice telling me I'm crap. It's wearing.

I have this too. So, I feel your pain

Often I think I’m just not good enough
Unfortunately it sometimes spirals into severe anxiety, depression and ocd for me. It’s horrendous.

Go for councelling. Try to take note of every little thing you do that is good or OK and don't dismiss those moments as fluke or luck... Remember you made good things happen. Repeat in your head the things that go right {the way you do when things don't go right! 🙁} Then when something happens that throws you try to take out your mental note book of when things went right and tell yourself 'I'm not stupid... I got my qualification' 'I'm not useless... I produced the presentation'.... Or whatever it is you did. Mainly change your tune. You can beat it... Don't let the inner bully beat you.

Thanks for the replies.

Like you mammylamb it manifests itself in OCD & anxiety sometimes which are other issues I'm working on.

It definitely is a confidence/ self esteem thing. Just wish I had more!

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Oh my god I could have written this myself, I am exactly the same. I had got better but recently doubting everything I do. I basically think that most things I say are ridiculous/stupid/self absorbed and that people just put up with me. I am an over-thinker and used to be really shy growing up. I’m not shy anymore but inside have no confidence. I basically think I am winging at life when everyone else knows what they are doing.
So you are not alone

Yes I also feel like this! I completely understand. Sometimes when stuff has gone on in our childhood it can affect us like this. Counselling might help

Flump it sounds like we're very similar!!!
Frustrating isn't it?
I know on some level I am very willing & able, I just feel flustered all the time!
Lots of self doubt & negative internal talk...

I'm exactly the same, I find when my confidence plummets I then struggle to find motivation to get back on the horse so to speak.

I try to remind myself that you cannot have success without failure, but I admit to curling up in bed at the end of the day taking solice in a brownie sometimes

Hi Butterfly,
Just wondering if you are feeling any better? I get this too unfortunately, and I think it’s very common

Me too.

I’m a teacher. I think I’m okay some days and crap other days.

I have never applied for a promotion because I always believe I would mess something up or not be able to do the job.

Some people just ooze confidence and fake it until they make it. I’d love a tenth of their self belief!

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I could have written what you are saying. No wise words but place marking for advice. Look up imposter syndrome, I seriously think I have this, but when I say to someone at work they laugh and say never, you're really good at your job.

Same age as you OP and I'm absolutely the same. It's pretty crippling isn't it? Chatting and discussion fine until part way through, my stupid brain decides to focus entirely on what the other person/people is/are thinking about what I'm saying and then I may as well be speaking Dutch for all the sense I am probably then making!

I envy my DH in his confidence. He doesn't suddenly clam up worrying what people think of him FFS! I must say though, his influence has helped me to a certain extent but I'll never be confident. I'll always be insecure, overthink everything and be uber sensitive to any negative comment and drag it round with me forever!! Ridiculous, why are some of us wired this way?!

Thanks.
Imposter Syndrome is interesting, I was reading a bit about that.

pinklupin that is exactly me!!!

I do have days when I think / feel / look confident but they are in the minority.
I think a little bit is down to hormones!! So feel crap when it's just before my period for example.

It does drive me crazy! How do some people just ooze confidence?!

Does anyone want to continue this conversation? Or set up a support thread? I identify so much with this, I've recently set up a new work project that's my dream and it's having a bit of a slow start. My self doubt is so bad that I'm struggling to objectively look at what's going right and what needs changing. My lack of self belief and impostor syndrome has been a long running thing throughout my late teen and adult life and has damaged a couple of career choices just out of anxiety and low confidence. Anyone have any tips to help or want to share experiences?

Yes please to setting up a support thread @Noluthando, I think that would be helpful!

ButterFlyOfFreedom, I'm the exact same, but I'm pretty sure I saw the exact same issue, almost to the letter (?) posted about 10 years ago by a person who was an academic. I remember very clearly reading the advice and tips which i recall were very helpful. Perhaps you could search for it. My weirdly wired brain wants to say the OP was called Mystero or something similar.

@ButterflyOfFreedom see my post above.