I love 'The Greatest Showman but it makes me sad

[Shipley]

Especially the song 'Never Enough' and the love story between Carlyle and the dancer. Been married for 12 years and although those super strong feelings were there for a lot longer than most relationships, they aren't there now, although I don't want a life without him, I just miss the excitement and passion of not wanting to get enough of someone.

And we have a naice house in a reasonably naice area however an average working income and I wish we had more - mainly a house in the countryside (we cannot afford that) and to have a more sophisticated lifestyle with my daughter learning to horse ride her own horses etc. Thought our lives would be more like that by our mid thirties where we are at now.

Wow all that from one movie.

I think it is completely unrealistic to maintain super strong feelings for someone for that long. I have been married for nearly 38 years. I love OH to bits, but it isn't the same as when I was 22. It has developed into contentment and mutual respect alongside the love.

Maybe if people were more realistic about long term relationships they would be happier, rather than chasing the intense excitement and novelty of new relationships all the time.

I think it's the pressure of life rather than discontent with him. If we had more disposable income we would be happier I believe that - weekends away, clothes that make you feel confident and attractive, lunches out, dinners out, theatre visits even good quality walking shoes and clothing all cost money. Then a cleaner more often and been able to afford to get handy men, gardeners and decorators in as needed rather than the stress of prioritising finances and not having the work done to the highest standards I would like. My happiest times have been 'free' but when money was still needed i.e. camping (petrol, equipment, site fees). These are the things that would enhance our enjoyment of each other and as a family.

I know the problem is me, I need to learn to be thankful for how fortunate I am. I'm not depressed or anything I just want a better quality of life.

I see Never Enough as having a different context tbh. The first time I think it’s all about ambition and how she wants it all. The second time it’s about a man she can’t have.

Whether she is sad about that is because she’s in love with him, or just not used to not getting want she wants is open to interpretation. IMO it’s the second as she kisses him knowing full well it will get in the papers and be seen by his wife.

As for Carlisle, he’s a bit spineless at first isn’t he? Poor Anne!

I mean this kindly, but I think you have somehow picked up a sense of entitlement to things that are in fact hugely beyond most people’s means.

It will be hard to find contentment if you don’t shed these ideas that it’s somehow sad for your daughter not to have her own horse etc.

“More disposable income” is absolutely not, in itself, the key to happiness.

Just writing this I know what I have to do, make a list of what I want to change and change it. Does anyone know of any books that help with this process?

And what do I do with the things I can't change? I.e chances of country hoise affordability?!!!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Whether you believe in God or not, the above is a good adage to live by.

I think OP that if you had that house in the country you’d be comparing with people who had bigger ones. If you had that horse you’d be dreaming of a stables.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

@Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump I think OP that if you had that house in the country you’d be comparing with people who had bigger ones. If you had that horse you’d be dreaming of a stables

This. Also if you had that house in the country what you'd also get is a lot of costs to run it, repair the old drafty windows, doors and then when you get that horse you'd need at least another one to keep with it which then quickly becomes a huge expense and you start to stress and need a means of paying for all the running costs, bills and expense of keeping horses.

That's how and why many people end up renting out land and building extra stables to offer livery.

The more money you have the bigger it quickly becomes a lot of grief and soon you'll find yourself wishing for a time when it was simpler.

If land, horses, stables and the means to do your own thing really what you want then look into buying land with planning permission and go that route. You would need to be in a solid marriage before even starting to give that thought because it's stressful and anything than a solid, tight couple both on the same page and in it for the duration.

Cringing to admit it as it all sounds so...shallow (is that the right word?) but I could have written the OPs posts. I too want heady romanance, a big house, more disposable income and feel unsatisfied with what we've achieved in our mid 30s. I recently watched something on YouTube about happiness being directly relative to what you expected your life to be and I think that holds true. I do feel entitled to a great love and passion, a fulfilling career etc. etc. and I've not got what I expected! I don't want to work very hard for it all either Yes, I was spoilt as a child. Off now for a bit of self reflection

I hate that film - the man it’s based on was an awful human being too.

PT Barnham was a nasty bastard. The really shit film was way of the mark. You should have a google. It’ll either make you more sad or cheer you up where your life’s concerned. I don’t know.

@Twotinydictators Nothing at all wrong with quietly daydreaming and wishing for things we'd love.

I have a whole business planned out with a B&B / dog boarding and separate livery and thought of everything right down to the last detail.

It's when that becomes an all consuming need and not having it open to you starts to grind and wear you down it gets potentially tricky.

Otherwise go for you life you wanna see what I've dreamed up in games of Let's Pretend

Read up on the sick, cruel fucker the movie was based on, OP.

You might not feel so sad then. He was a disgusting human being even of his time.

I love the film, mainly the score, but agree that PT Barnham in reality, was a truly vile individual/crook. Never Enough is about a woman trying to steal another woman’s husband - that’s not something to aspire to, surely?

Actually I feel that Jenny Lindt was completely misrepresented in that film because she never tried to seduce Barnham. She was a talented performer in her own right who did a lot of good works and had a happy marriage so they have slandered her good name in effect. It actually annoys me that they have twisted a famous talented woman to make her no more than a love interest.

I think he was nothing like they represented him in the film either. He was very puritanical and authoritarian.

Also isn't the main point that you should be happy with a loving family not swayed by fleeting passion - and not aspire to wealth but be content with having each other?

MenstruatorExtraordinaire was she? As in happily married? They did go on tour together I think though? Is that part correct?

www.bustle.com/p/jenny-lind-pt-barnums-relationship-in-real-life-was-much-different-from-the-greatest-showman-7714218

www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjRo7_7g87hAhVF1xoKHZeOBXgQzPwBegQIARAC&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.vanityfair.com%2Fhollywood%2F2017%2F12%2Fgreatest-showman-hugh-jackman-p-t-barnum-jenny-lind&psig=AOvVaw1TutH6TElF8kFNJM8ylnWK&ust=1555277942314537

This second article is really thorough. Basically she was more interested in charity work than men and kept many suitors at an arm's length. She finally married someone younger than her and they were very happy. I thought the film was insulting to her memory actually.

MenstruatorExtraordinaire interesting reading, thank you. By all accounts she was quite an extraordinary woman and I’d agree, the film does her no justice.

It annoyed me at the time and I try to set the record straight if anyone ever discusses the film.

My feelings are based purely on the emotions of what the film evokes. I did not know PT Barnum was real until after the movie and only tonight do I know Jenny is real too. Real life aside, those emotions are amazing, a man who after all those years adores his wife and still tries to chase the dream instead of 'settling', and doing it successfully to create the future he promised.

We've had a few businesses between us but no lucky break and DH has now settled into a freelance role which powers over his time and prevents the business side taking a next step. Its not fair on me to push him either .

Grinds you down to see peers rising to the top through luck or family background.

The horse isn't important to me, but representive of what I view as a more wholesome life(riding horses in the woods and countryside not extravagant showing off) but that costs money. Sometimes I think I'd love most to go off grid and live s simpler life but again buying land etc. isn't cheap.

Feels like we are trapped to an extent!

Yes but the point is that it's not true. It's just a fantasy that's being sold to you to make you dissatisfied with what you have.

OMG op I totally get you

WHY can’t we keep the crazy in love feelings for life

There’d be no affairs, no divorces

😩😩

In mine and my husband's fields, together at the very top of our career ladder we could earn around 160,000 but that would be when children are older and realistically our ceiling will probably be 80-90,000. That's never going to buy a dream life (unless mortgage lending changes it's ratips) and will come at the cost of working 12+ hour days. I don't know how we can exceed those earnings and fast to ensure children can benefit whilst young as again money is required to nurture talents and provide opportunities. I always thought the answer would be passive income through a successful business but it seems businesses only grow beyond earning an income if you have other sources of money to fund them