I don’t know how to be socially appropriate

[TigersRoll]

The scenario -

Went to my sports group last week. It’s male orientated so only me and one other woman there. Afterwards they all decide to go to pub. I go along even though I’d normally make an excuse because I’m trying to force myself to be more sociable. At the bar, one bloke offers to buy me and another bloke a drink. Other bloke declines and says he will buy his own and mine. I decline and say I’ll buy my own ... he insists ... I thank him and ask for a half coke. He buys himself a pint and me a half coke.

Now the issue I’m struggling with, what is the correct etiquette next week? Do I offer to buy him a drink?? I don’t want to be inappropriate or come across like a free loader either.

I am in the spectrum so don’t naturally know what to do. Normally I’d just avoid going back completely!! What would you do?

I wouldn't give it another thought. He was being nice and bought you a drink. It wouldn't have cost much and if he couldn't afford it he wouldn't have offered. Just say thanks at the time and that's it.

Agree with above
do keep going, you may find yourself more comfortable with the group after a few trips and the interaction will feel easier

As hollow says, it's no big deal so try not to overthink it (I know that's easier said than done). If you go again next week, by all means offer him a drink, even remind him that he paid last time, but it's fine either way if he accepts or not. And if you don't go, that's ok too. You'd only be cheeky if you went every week and expected someone else to pay, or if you all stay for more than one drink, and you don't offer to buy a round when others have bought one.

if he offers to buy you a drink again say "no, you got them last time I will buy you one"

If he isn't near you or chatting to other people don't go out of your way to buy one as not a big deal.

Aw no please don't avoid going back for that! There are no clear rules & I think therefore most people find round-buying a bit awkward (did a bartending stint and saw that loads of people found the whole 'oh i'll get it 'oh hmm are you really sure' dance just uncomfortable). I mean, do you want to buy him a drink?

Maybe next week, if you want to, order first then when the bartender says 'anything else?', just look at the people you've been chatting to who are next to you and say 'dyou want something, it's on me'.
But you won't be rude if you don't buy the half-Coke guy anything! If he's in the group standing by you at the bar then go for it, otherwise no need to seek him out. Unless agreed (as in 'we're doing rounds yeah?' or less explicitly as in 'i'll get these' where the use of 'these' implies there'll be a next round) then you don't buy to receive.

Op, you just take it in turns, so next week just say, my turn, I owe you one, what do you want.

And do go.

Thanks for the replies! Another issue I have is the appropriateness of male/female socialising. I’m married. Due to my aspergers I have found myself in trouble before not realising that men are coming into me or the lines between appropriate and inappropriate are being blurred. This is all innocent isn’t it? Nothing else to suggest otherwise? Jesus it’s such a minefield ... this is why I don’t socialise! I just don’t get it and usually end up looking stupid/bad/wrong etc etc

No, from what you've posted there is nothing inappropriate here.

No its fine, buying you a drink or vice versa when your with a group is completely fine

Ok thanks guys. So next week if we’re at the bar together I simply say “I’ll get these, you got them last week”? I know it sounds pathetic but stuff like this has actually caused me to give up hobbies and activities in the past and I’m trying to train myself to deal with such things

i would just not mention it again. You dont have to buy other people drinks. You can say "no, dont worry, im getting my own, but thankyou"

Yes, that is what I would do. If you are at the bar at the same time offer, otherwise don't bother.