To feel sick and keep replaying this in my head?

[Neverender]

Took DD to the swings today and when we came back I unlocked the front door and opened it.

She wanted to open the door so I half shut it so she couldn't do it, but her fingers were in the hinge.

She had lines on her fingers and has little bruises. Lots of cuddles and some sweets and now she's gone for a nap.

AIBU to keep replaying this in my head, but I'm changing it to pulling the door completely shut and chopping off her little fingers...I can't stop, feel sick and keep wanting to cry.

Can anyone help me stop doing this? I'm not normally dramatic but this has really got to me.

Do that on repeat until the other thoughts lessen

Eldest Dd was about 3 and we were putting paving slabs down in the back garden. She slipped out the front door and only for a neighbour spotting her she could have been out in the road or the canal near our house!

Is it completely normal to be consumed with 'what could have happened'? I think I'm really tired and feeling a bit emotional - I've never had this feeling before...

Yes, I think it is mum instincts. I can still remember incredibly vividly the sick feeling when various accidents have happened. I can even remember feeling like vomiting when my name was called on a loudspeaker outside gymnastics class -- she was 5 and my first thought was that she'd really hurt herself as I couldn't imagine what would be serious enough to call me in for (actually she'd weed herself!)

I did exactly this a couple of weeks ago, DD was following me outside and I had just nipped to get washing in as it was raining - I kicked the door closed from the outside repeatedly until I realised her hand was in the hinge... I repeated it in my head for a few days, you’ll stop thinking about it OP... but you won’t do it again!

OH and yes when I repeated it in my head it was the version where her fingers were chopped off and she grew up with half a hand blaming me for her life changing injury... normal thoughts!

@Neverender firstly the way you are feeling shows what a good parent you are. My little girl at 8 months managed to pull herself out of her cot whilst I was having a bath and all I heard was bang got to her straight away and she was lying face down as soon as I picked her up she was crying like mad. We rushed her to hospital and I was crying feeling sick. Dr said to me kids are tough go home and rest. She was fine. Accidents happen we learn from it and carry on. Lots of cuddles I think and forgive yourself

Quite normal to go over and over it - you've had a shock!

And then the more you try to stop yourself thinking about it, the more aware you are of it, and the more you do think about it.

Sometimes I find, if I say to myself - out loud if that helps or just in my head - thank-you, I know about those thoughts and they are important but now I am thinking about this - it helps move on to something else and they fade away. If they come back just repeat 'Thank-you again, but I am busy now'

While if you just go 'Stop thinking about it! Stop thinking about it!' you just carry on with the intrusive thoughts forever'

I once found my toddler on the windowsill, right next to the open part.

I have attached a diagram. I didn't even know at that point she could get out of the cot - 14 years later and it still haunts me.

This would be totally normal for me OP. Just yesterday my 3 year old DD happily ran out into the road when I called to her (from down the pavement). There was a van coming but luckily he was far away so she was fine but I was really shaken. Keep thinking about it.

I get a lot of these “intrusive thoughts”. In this case I think it’s your brain processing what has happened and it will fade but if they don’t go away or become overwhelming then it can be a problem worth going to the GP about.

For me I have to acknowledge the thoughts and then allow them to wash over me “oh yes, there’s that awful thing again, ok, I don’t need to focus on it now”. Another tip is to count backwards in a foreign language like down from 30 in French. It helps distract my brain!

I know it’s hard OP but try not to beat yourself up! Just think that this was a useful learning opportunity so now it’s far less likely you will ever do it again!

There was an incident involving XH and baby DD once. She was absolutely fine, as it happens, but I still occasionally re-live the alternative scenarios 14 years on. You have to let the awful thoughts run their course, and they eventually become less heart-stoppingly awful. One thing to remember is that accidents happen, and you have to be glad when they are relatively minor (albeit upsetting and painful for your DD).

Eurgh intrusive thoughts. I have a low window in my bedroom, and even though it is safety locked to only open a tiny amount I still picture dd falling out onto the concrete below. I have to physically shake myself and shout no (in my head) to stop it.

So totally normal! I think it’s your brain’s ya of preparing for disaster, even if it’s not likely. It’s bloody horrible though. Take care of yourself op!

Ooooh, cringed just reading it. In fact, I only skim read it and can’t bring myself to go back and read the detail!

One of my biggest fears is trapped fingers - and it’s just occurred to me that’s probably because it happened to me as a child.

I am always on the look out for it. Just be glad it wasn’t bad, and know you’ll watch for it in future.

It’s normal. I did the thing they tell you not to do and fell asleep whilst feeding DS so basically dropped him. He landed very close to a sharp edge and honestly, I was absolutely beside myself. I thought about it consistently and then sort of punished myself when I’d managed to forget about it. I suffered quite badly with intrusive thoughts after that, every time I carried him up the stairs, I pictured myself dropping him. It stopped eventually but I think it definitely helps to acknowledge the thought rather than try to bury it.

DS is nearly 2 years old and Im not planning any more children, don’t think my nerves can take it!

It's a horrible feeling, but it'll fade

It will make you extra vigilant about fingers in doors forever and that's really not a bad thing.

I haven't had any fingers in doors accidents (yet) but my mum was vigilant about it when I was growing up - I've never asked her if she's had a bad experience with it!

When the kids get in the car I say "fingers!" and they all put their hands in the air (in front of them) and wiggle their fingers, before I close the door.

I also tell them to never climb out of a different door than their own (unless invited to do so). Kids do this. You go to close a car door after a child, and child 2 has unexpectedly climbed over the seats to come out of same door and where do they hook their fingers to climb out? Yes, it's the car door frame. You could close the car door without looking and not know they were following on. I know to look out for it but grandparents or other people who don't always have small children do not, so it's best to teach kids not to do this.

Nobody is allowed to slam doors or play with or around doors in our house. Ever. Doors are not toys (my kids sick of hearing this whenever they even think about getting silly around doors). Also some doors slam shut faster than others, so if playing at a friends house etc...

But give yourself a break, I know you'll feel awful but nothing really bad happened.

Yes to immediately overlaying your imagined ending with what actually happened, takes a bit of willpower but will help if you keep doing it. And yes to this being a normal reaction, it's your brains' way of processing what happened and should gradually fade over the next few days. It doesn't hurt to be aware of how and why you're reacting and try to manage it a little though, DD is ok and the worst outcome scenario didn't happen, keep that at the forefront of your thoughts

You are sort of having flashbacks of what might have been instead of what actually happened because the might have been fills you with horror.

You had a close shave and you know it.

It leaves you in shock when stuff like this happens, I know I've had plenty of moments like it myself.

It's normal and will pass. It will take a few days. Try your best not to dwell to much even though it's hard not to.

Have a nice cuppa while the little one sleeps and keep reminding yourself that the worst didn't happen.

Please don’t beat yourself up about it! I know that’s easier said than done- my mum goes on about how guilty she feels for trapping my cousins fingers in the car door when he was a child. Cousin is now 40. It’s horrible when you accidentally hurt them and I get invasive thoughts too but everything is ok and you’ll automatically be super careful in future

You are in shock. No permanent harm was done. She will not remember.
You feel sick because you are a good mum.

Going over it is normal. Completely normal.
If you ask your elder family what heart stopping moments they had with you, I am sure there are some tales to tell.
It is parenthood. In all its glory.

It's totally normal to keep replaying it. One of my children stood up in the bath as a toddler holding the side. He inexplicably then slammed his head down and banged his front teeth on the rim of the bath. At the time I almost needed to slam my own teeth on it to make myself feel less guilty. I remember saying that to my sister in law who looked at me like I was a freak!! It was maybe 18 years ago and still vividly remember it!