AIBU to ask for help with payment

[fluffyslippers02]

with DS11 school uniform. He is due to go to senior school in September, the uniform has to be school branded, blazers, trousers, shirts, tie, PE kit(indoor and outdoor, so shorts and trackies, tshirt and hoody, trainers) At the moment he wears supermarket bought school clothes, which I can afford, However, Im looking at around £250.aswel as stationary, school bag etc Would IBU to ask DS dad to contribute? He does pay a small amount of maintenance, (£110 a month). How can I ask without looking like im being grabby?

Dear Ex
As you know, DS is starting secondary school in September. The cost of the new uniform and school essentials adds up £...
Please can you contribute half of this cost? I would need to receive it by x date. Thank you.

Make a list of the essentials (one blazer, one pe kit, two sets of everything else, a basic bag and stationary including calculator suitable through to gcse, (supermarket or Wilkinsons) and ask for half as a one off. Buy the blazer large so it lasts 2-3 years

Look at the upper school - it is only every Y7s who stick religiously to uniform on day one.

You can challenge the governors who sanction school policy including uniform. The guidelines says the uniform must be affordable for all eg a branded tshirt should cost the same as that in a supermarket. We all know this isn't the case.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/514978/School_Uniform_Guidance.pdf
Jump to page 5 -
The importance of cost consideration The School Admissions Code 2012, which is statutory guidance, states “Admission authorities must ensure that […] policies around school uniform or school trips do not discourage parents from applying for a place for their child.” No school uniform should be so expensive as to leave pupils or their families feeling unable to apply to, or attend, a school of their choice, due to the cost of the uniform. School governing bodies should therefore give high priority to cost considerations. The governing body should be able to demonstrate how best value has been achieved and keep the cost of supplying the uniform under review.

Check local fb groups. People near me are always selling branded school jumpers, blazers etc. Usually good condition as they've grown out rather than worn out.

you definitely wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask, go for it !

but if he says no, he’s not legal obliged to as he pays maintenance

Do you need to ask him contribute? His £110 matched by yours plus child benefit for the month will cover the costs.

You can ask but he's under no obligation too pay you extra.

YANBU. You’re bringing it up with him with plenty of notice and he is the boy’s father.

Ask ‘nicely’ (just because being civil is likely to get a better response than a demand - human nature!) but in writing so it’s clear and also he won’t feel ‘on the spot’ in the same way as you asking in person.

IceCream and what about all the other costs that OP will still need to pay like food?

Icecream

ARe you serious?!

His payments are towards the day to day costs of supporting their child, so food, housing, utilities etc. If the OP could afford to just use that money then she wouldnt be asking the question would she?

OP, you can ask but unfortunately he can say no :(

With my ex I phrased it as having a list and "If you get the blazer and the pe kit I'll get the trousers, shirts, shoes, equipment etc" rather than asking for money. He resents handing over cash as he is convinced I piss it up the wall, he has actually accused me of getting pissed on "his" money. Forgetting that a) actually it is MY money once its in my bank account and b) it doesnt even come close to half what the kids cost and if anyone's social life is being subsidised its his!

I always ask exDP to pay for big things

I present him with a list. I get similar to you for 2DC and it’s not enough for the big things (£60 pw for 2 kids)

DD has a prom and all her leavers things coming up I showed him all the costs and asked for half. I also asked for half all the GCSE books

But usually I just replace uniform in dribs and drabs now and don’t ask him every single time

I did used to ask if he could by 1 DC school shoes and I buy the other pair but he used to end up never taking them to buy them so now I ask for the money

Don’t feel grabby
It costs considerably more than £110 a month to care for a child

Pyong, food maybe but both of them will have housing, utility costs etc because they are adults. They would have those with or without children and both need a home for their time with the children.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

What a good idea I am sure OP did not think of this option. I am sure the child doesn’t need any food for one month and perhaps OP could not pay some of her bills and get into arrears - but then she will have all the uniform!

My electric bill would be half what it currently is if I didnt have children. My parents live a bigger house and they pay almost half what I do because they dont have a charger or a tv or a laptop in practically every socket. They dont have a queue for the shower every day, showers which cost in electricity and water. My gas bill would be lower as I wouldnt be heating all the rooms. My housing costs would be lower as I wouldnt need a three bedroom house. My car and transport costs would be lower...... the list is endless.

If you think that maintenance is just for food then you are fool.

Ide say it depends on the relationship with him.

If it's all good ide ask face to face if there was any chance he could contribute towards it?

My teens dad always goes 50/50 with me but we have a good relationship as seperated parents. ds2 dad however if I asked would try take me to court by being neglectful by not being able to afford clothes.

Oh do fuck off. People sometimes don’t have a spare excess £250 lying around you know

And I do not need to live in a 3 bed house ‘as an adult’ if I was alone I would live in a much smaller house with less council tax, less electricity, less water - kids do not cost £1.50 added on to your bills you do realise? What planet are you on

Food? Laundry? School trips? School dinners? Socks? Pants? Toiletries? Loo roll? Heating? Lighting? Water?

Oh my God..... the loo roll!

I swear I will be a millionaire within a year of the youngest leaving home because I wont be buying miles and miles of the fucking stuff....

Mine is shampoo
DD2 is allergic to SLS.
SLS free shampoo and conditioner costs a small fortune and then DD1 likes using it so I am poor due to shampoo. They use giant handfuls I swear

Yeah mine seem to use half a bottle at a time, every sodding day. I wouldnt mind so much but they all, boys and girls, have very short hair so it should last for ages! Would be very pissed off if I had to pay the amount you do.

I now buy the Aldi own brand stuff and hide my naice stuff on top of the cabinet which I invariably forget to get down until I am already wet so have to slither across the bathroom, freezing cold, to get it

In terms of saving money on the uniform I would see what you can get away with from other cheaper shops. I've just looked at the uniform for my daughters new school and whilst I will have to buy the logo stuff from them apparently parents often get near identical skirts etc from supermarkets or M and S (who normally do a 20 percent off offer on June) and even Amazon. If you know any other parents whose kids go there ask them about what you could get cheaper.

Sounds reasonable to me. You have nothing to lose by asking.

Preparing for y7 is expensive.

Yes, definitely ask ex for help.

Also, if you are unemployed or on a small income you might be able to get a bursary from the school. Look it up on their website.

Last September coincided with dh losing his job, school bringing in a new uniform and ds3 going into year 7. So needed new uniform for ds3 and blazer, shirts and tie, bigger trousers for ds2 (who had previously had polo tops and jumper) etc.

We were informed (by a friend, the school and the shop that sells the clothes with the logos on) we could get up to £75 per child back from the school. We spent a lot more than that, but the money from school helped. Worth checking to see if they do that and if you qualify, at our school you can claim if on a low income, not just unemployed, and just get less.

Ask him for help. The worst he can do is say no, and then you're in no worse position. And YANBU either - we pay for DSS (obviously) but we also do at least half of his school uniform and a pair of shoes at the start of each academic year. It's only reasonable, it's a lump sum cost which is a bit eye watering whichever way you look at it.

I have asked in the past and normally just get a "thats what maintenance is for" although has mellowed s little since being with his new GF. He has asked if he can help towards child care over the holiday (!) so maybe he will be willing to help.

@Icecream £110 a month isnt even close to what it costs to feed, cloth, house, supply electric, gas and water, and anything else DS may need. As an PP said, i wouldnt need a 3 bedroom house, wouldnt use half as much electric, water, and petrol in th car if DS didnt live here, and besides, its takes to both of us to make him, so it should take both of us to care for him.

In terms of asking, don’t ask. Tell him. ‘I’ve got the list of DS School things’ (give him a list with prices). And look him straight in the eye

Then suggest splitting the list in half, if he CBA to go buy anything himself then say that he should transfer you half and you will purchase it