Having another child

[Jlw1996]

Hi,

I have a little girl (2.5) from a previous relationship and my OH has two boys. I recently bought up the conversation of having another (one day in the future) and he completely shut me down. He is adamant that he wants no more children. I am ok with one, but think I will want another in the future. However he has discussed getting a vasectomy which I am so unhappy about!! Any advice?

If you want different things from life you should split up.

How long have you been together to be having that discussion ?

Aren't you putting the cart before the horse? He's only an OH, so you aren't married? Is he actually planning a future with you? I think that's the convo you need to be having.

It would be a deal breaker for me unfortunately. You can’t make him change his mind and if you both want different things it won’t work long term as one of you will be unhappy. I think you need to speak to him clearly about the future and make a decision if you can live with that or not.

Run away now. I’ve spent the night sobbing over the fact my DH delayed trying (half heartedly) for so long it will never happen now. I hate him. Please please run find someone who will value you enough to give you what you want

It sounds like you both want different things

Marriage isn’t for everyone! So yes, “just” OH. There’s some aspects that I enjoy, for example my daughter spends every other weekend with her dad so that gives me time to work and socialise. Also for me and OH to spend some quality time. Admittedly when we are out with all 3 kids life feels busy.

It would be a deal breaker for me and it's ok if it's a deal breaker, wanting or not wanting another child isn't really something you can compromise on. You need to decide if it is something you can accept or if it will just fester into resentment over time.

The person who doesn't want kids get a veto. It sounds like you might be at very different life stages. He's been very clear he doesn't want another. If you truly want another then you will need to find another partner.

It’s a toughie. Ultimately if another child is more important to you than him, you must split up. That’s ok - it’s a perfectly valid reason. You maybe just want different things.

You don’t want the same things unfortunately. If he’s dead set against it, I’d walk away.

How long have you been together? That's important information to know to give advice.

You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who adamantly doesn't want a child. If you happen to get pregnant, he might get so upset that he runs off. If you never get pregnant, you will grow to resent him since this is what you want. Think about this carefully.

Ultimately you need to weigh it up, if having another child is what you want and it’s not what he does, then unfortunately you need to leave him. You can’t force him to have a baby just as he can’t force you to be happy if you don’t have one.