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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to the registry office just the 2 of us

34 replies

MafaldaGregorovitch · 12/04/2019 20:03

And have a church blessing at a later stage? DP has a DD, so my stb DSD who is 7. DP is getting stressed about money, people etc re the wedding. He's very introverted and we bother suffer with mental health. Our local registry office do a midweek service with just 2 witnesses for less than £60, more than £100 cheaper than their standard service. We both have religious backgrounds but haven't currently got a church we're settled in. Would we BU to get married in the registry office just the 2 of us (plus witnesses) and then have a church blessing once the 3 of us are settled somewhere?

OP posts:

longearedbat · 13/04/2019 12:31

We did this. Just us and two old friends as witnesses. Then out for a lovely lunch with them. Plenty of champagne was drunk! It was a very easy, relaxed and happy day.

MT2017 · 13/04/2019 14:35

We did this too - was told I would regret not having the full works but I never did. And we have been married 20 years this year so for us, it was definitely about the marriage not the wedding.

Where are you getting married? You could have MNetters as witnesses

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 13/04/2019 14:53

I came on just to see if I could be a witness if you are close enough!

It is not the wedding ceremony that is important it is the marriage, do as you want as long as it is a legal union.

Dh and I are both Christians and were married in our own church. When we got married if we had not had our own church I would have considered a registry office ceremony and a blessing after finding a 'home' church. As it was, our pastor could perform the service but needed a registrar for the legal bits. The registrar who came to the church for the ceremony was the same one who would have done the bits at the registry office.

So, where are you and when do you want me to be your witness? (I'm sure dh would be another if you wanted!)

SlappingJoffrey · 13/04/2019 14:55

Not at all. In some ways it makes more sense to separate the legal contract bit from the God bit.

cakeandchampagne · 13/04/2019 15:07

Your plan will work fine, but I would include the children if possible.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 13/04/2019 15:19

Absolutely a great idea if this is what you would both prefer. You will be concentrated on the fact that you are legally committing to each other. No reason at all not to have a church blessing later if you want, when you have found a sympathetic church. Have any kind of reception, or none at all, again to suit yourselves.

Are you asking if you would BU because you think other people may have expectations of what they think a wedding should be? If I was close to you I might be sad that I had not seen you get married but I would respect your decision. I would be delighted for you both and not think that you owed me a 'wedding' that you would not enjoy. I would not even fret too much about including your DSD. She will have the opportunity to get dressed up for the church blessing, if that is important to her (at 7 years old it won't matter if she is the only person in a fancy frock if you are not comfortable getting all done up).

Original poster

MafaldaGregorovitch · 13/04/2019 17:14

Are you asking if you would BU because you think other people may have expectations of what they think a wedding should be?

Yes pretty much. Also worried that DSD would resent us in the future for not including her.

If we do decide to go down this route I'll definitely post here asking for 2 witnesses It'd be in a relatively large city so no doubt there will be 2 people who live nearby and will be free that day.

@Zampa congratulations! To you and others getting married or have been married with MN witnesses, what did you do after the ceremony? Did you all go out for food or did you part ways?

OP posts:

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 13/04/2019 17:23

me and my husband did this OP...we wanted no fuss and it all to be about just us...8 years on neither of us regret it ....it was lovely !

Zampa · 13/04/2019 18:00

@MafaldaGregorovitch

We're going for a fry at a café up the road from the register office. A very literal wedding breakfast. We'll invite our witnesses and will obviously pay but there'll be no obligation for them to come. We're off to Centre Parcs with the DC afterwards. It was booked before the wedding so a happy coincidence that it gets to be our honeymoon!

My DSC are coming. I couldn't imagine doing it without them.

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