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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL disagreeing with our parenting decisions.

66 replies

amelee · 12/04/2019 19:32

My DS is almost 7 months old now and I’ve been back at work about a month. Myself and OH are pescatarian and have discussed at length and agreed that we would not give our DS meat. I plan all of his meals, cook them fresh at the weekend and freeze them. My MIL looks after DS while we are at work and we pay her to do so. I pack his food everyday so she does not have to cook for him. Anyway, she has said that she does not agree with us and thinks that we should feed him meat (disclaimer I don’t care if other people eat meat, that’s their decision). What I’m annoyed about is that she’s getting involved in the parenting decisions that we have made when she has no right to. I really like her and we get on well so I don’t want this to be an issue but I think if I found out that she has been feeding him meat etc I’d have to rethink childcare arrangements because I wouldn’t trust her to respect our decisions regarding our son.

OP posts:

Ihatehashtags · 12/04/2019 23:13

@Bertrandrussell okay I’ll rephrase. It is very hard for a child to get their daily iron requirements from a pescatarian diet. Yes you could supplement but it’s far better to get all you need from a BALANCED diet. Pescatarian is not that.

BertrandRussell · 12/04/2019 23:14

“The child's grandmother should respect the parent's wishes!!!”
Well, not if they genuinely think the parent is wrong-then they have a responsibility to speak up.in this case, obviously, the parent is not wrong. But there are plenty of people on this thread who think they are.

Ihatehashtags · 12/04/2019 23:14

@tunnockswafer not sure. Clearly you aren’t of that age either

hoteltango · 12/04/2019 23:37

Children need red meat.

Really? How on Earth have so many Hindus managed to live, and raise healthy children who grow up to have healthy babies?

Tunnockswafer · 12/04/2019 23:42

Great comeback

LizB62A · 12/04/2019 23:55

if I found out that she has been feeding him meat

She's going to, whether you find out about it or not.
She's made it clear that she doesn't respect your views.

BertrandRussell · 13/04/2019 00:01

“She's going to, whether you find out about it or not.
She's made it clear that she doesn't respect your views.“
Where? I must have missed this bit.

Missingstreetlife · 13/04/2019 00:21

Just make sure they have enough vit b12 and tell mil children do not need meat.

CallMeRachel · 13/04/2019 00:21

if I found out that she has been feeding him meat

The trouble is, you won't know though.

My mother fed my sisters child meat despite her being brought up a vegetarian. My sister would have exploded if she knew. Sausages, bacon, mince pies, chicken, you name it she got it. She didn't believe it was healthy for her to not eat meat. It didn't help the fact that she was brought up on processed food which didn't contain meat and no fresh vegetables .

Also, why would a grandma accept payment for looking after their own grandchildren?? That's weird. Is she registered??

Honestly, I'd find proper childcare. Keep money and family totally separate.

OneDayillSleep · 13/04/2019 00:22

If you accept free child care from parent’s or in laws you must also to some extent accept that some things will be open to interpretation when it comes to your instructions. My parent’s do our childcare and they do generally respect our wishes, a few biscuits slip through the net but I can cope with that.

I can’t see eye to eye with my mother in law and we are on very different pages when it comes to what is and isn’t acceptable looking after a child. She’s undermined me when I’ve been there so I couldn’t see her doing any better when I’m not. I just don’t let her do childcare for us.

If you aren’t happy and don’t think your wishes will be respected when it comes to something important you do need to pay someone. I’m sure you’d be able to relax a lot more knowing the person looking after your child will do exactly as you say.

Lalliella · 13/04/2019 00:23

Why do you eat fish but not meat? Not trying to be goady, just not sure if I understand the difference.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/04/2019 00:24

If you accept free child care from parent’s or in laws you must also to some extent accept that some things will be open to interpretation when it comes to your instructions

If you read the OP she says in the first post that they pay for the childcare.

OneDayillSleep · 13/04/2019 00:28

Ah I missed that rather large detail about it not being free, in that case just use a childminder or a nursery. The main benefit of having family do childcare is that it is free, I can’t see the benefit of it if you are paying for the pleasure of not having your wishes respected.

recklessgran · 13/04/2019 00:29

MIL is out of order. Not her party is it? One of my DD's is vegan as is her 18 month old DD. I absolutely respect that - I don't have to agree but I wouldn't dream of doing anything against my DD's wishes. So if we look after DGD I make sure that everything I give her is vegan/organic. I've brought my children up my way but it's not my place to decide how my DGC's are raised as long as they're loved, safe and happy.

OffToBedhampton · 13/04/2019 01:03

I think some PPs are getting carried away.
My parents /PILS might ask or say they didn't agree (initially) but they'd listen and abide by our parental decision. They are allowed to express their opinions. Imo that's a second safety check or discussion that is ok to have.

Only OP knows if MIL isn't listening and indicates she might go against their wishes. If she indicates that, then all bets are off and OP might rethink childcare.

NaturalBornWoman · 13/04/2019 07:36

I think some PPs are getting carried away.
My parents /PILS might ask or say they didn't agree (initially) but they'd listen and abide by our parental decision. They are allowed to express their opinions. Imo that's a second safety check or discussion that is ok to have

Absolutely agree. Such a huge overreaction to limited information here. My sister's DIL is vegetarian and her diet is appalling. She doesn't like most vegetables, she won't eat nuts, cheese or eggs and in fact she lives almost entirely on processed carbs and meat substitutes. If she said that she was bringing the children up vegetarian it would be the responsible thing to question whether they would be getting a balanced diet. She could then come on here with an evil MIL story about DSis undermining her parenting decisions.

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