Has anyone managed to overcome a fear of spiders?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

So frustrated with myself on this. I know they can't hurt me, and I'm fine with them if I see them outside etc so I'm not as phobic as some people. I'm also fine with tiny or very spindly ones and not scared at all of tarantulas. It's the average or large house spiders when they suddenly appear or run fast.

Seeing them in my flat makes me shaky and a little nauseated if I'm about to eat. To the point if they're running and I'm taken by surprise, I'd be worried I'd drop my laptop or cup of tea/ plate of food as my reflex to jump away is so strong. I cannot afford to drop my new MacBook!

Has anyone overcome this degree of fear?

Come from a family of spider screamers. My mum, my sister and I. Then I saw my young nieces running away with my sister screaming because of a spider. Thought that i really didn't want it passed on so I picked up the spider - it was the size of a house, I swear! Showed it to my nieces, talked about them, and we released it in the garden. Then I promptly went to the toilet and threw up. A lot. Lol.

Now I'm not scared. Still hate them, but no longer run screaming. Nieces now roll their eyes at their mum and remove the spiders for her.

Also I read once that it’s not so much fear we feel but repulsion because of the jerky way they move, I’m not sure if it’s true for everyone but I do think that’s a lot of the reason why I don’t like them.

I nearly started this thread last night. Had a huge black one on the stairs and I had to call DH (who was asleep) to come and deal with it. Every September I live in permanent fear and I am so hyper alert to them I can spot them in any room even without actively looking. An enormous one crawled out from under our bed last year and I burst into tears and had to sleep with the light on for a week. It’s ridiculous and it feels almost debilitating in those autumn months. I wish having my DS had made me better but it really hasn’t. He is t bothered by them thankfully. I looked into a hypnosis course last year as I hate being scared of something so harmless. We live on a farm as well so get the huge harvest spiders coming in every year in their droves.
So no, I don’t have advice but I will be following with interest! And hand holding to all when September rolls around 😭

I did the London Zoo course and I'm so much better now, still don't love them but can deal with them in a calm manner
My DD is still scared of them though

It is easy to treat a fear of spiders. Start by teaching yourself some relaxation/mindfulness exercises to use then find the least frightening thing for you eg a picture, line drawing, emoji etc and get used to that before gradually working up to more feared things.

Get a positive affirmation in your head as well - I CAN DO THIS 💥!

I don’t like them but I rationalise that they kill all sorts of nasty insects and therefore are friends. I don’t touch them but I’ll happily catch them in a glass and release. In fact I mostly just leave them to go about their business of defending my home from creepy crawlies.

I did the London zoo one and it was successful. Not in love with them but can calmly deal with them.

I wonder whether the spiders held an Arachnid Therapy Session to get over the trauma of being repeatedly caught and released 40 times in a day?

Yes, there's an instinctive reaction to them. It's a reaction because in other parts of the world, they can be a problem - but even there, it's not particularly useful to be shrieking and thundering around to escape, as doing that could result on you standing on a snake, alerting a Jaguar or otherwise getting yourself hurt.

Learning to catch them unharmed is vital - however, if you're so over reactive to them that a photo is too much, perhaps drawing cartoon ones could be a useful step in making them friendly? Then you could make them out of scraps of pastry or, if you have kids, playdo? Pipe cleaners and a screwed up ball of paper can result in incredibly cute ones that even work on real spiders - as you'll see if you dangle it near; they're so large that our usual spiders will immediately try their hardest to run away.

Once you can handle a model one you've made (and possibly had a few ARRGH moments from seeing it on the coffee table before realising it's your model one with googly eyes), I don't think it's too daft to practice catching your model with a glass and card.

Then you're primed to be able to do it with a real one. Put the glass down and try to look at your prisoner. Notice their colours, the intricacy of detail. If need be, get somebody else to do the release outside, but if not, just remember that it's OK to put the glass down, then lift/tilt the glass away from you and step away.

Before long, you'll be telling others to leave them alone and will be rescuing them from the scariest creature of all - humans.

Yes. I used to check my bed every night.
I used to jump on the sofa to avoid them.
Then i had a baby so became more practical.
I will tap behind them to make them run away. If they're stupid, i do the glass trick and put them outside. I can't squash them like i used to.
Sometimes, i blow the garage spiders out.

Yes. My Dad refused to extract them from my bedroom when I was a teenager. I'm one of 5 kids, I can sort of see where he was coming from!

So, I learnt to firstly trap the fucker under a large glass and leave it there, then slowly, slowly slide onto card, then take to window and fling out.

I have to admit I have once thrown the whole glass and spider out of the window I was shaking so much.

My resolution became stronger when I had my first child - didn't want him picking up on it (he hasn't), and now I'm able to deal with them OK. I don't want to kill them.

Yes! I did the London zoo course. 3 hours and I was cured. Unbelievable.

I am scared of spiders and tarantulas. Motherhood hasn't helped me and whilst i dont want my kids to be scared (they are) i just cant get over my own fear or even pretend. I have had to ask neighbours in to get spiders before and however clearly or patiently someone shows me their glass/cloth/bare hand (😳😱) method of calmly removing enormous evil beasts spiders, i just cant get near enough to try. Anyway i think spiders just have really good pr/spin doctors. My house is not infested with flies in the seasons when i don't find any spiders!!😂

I'm honest with the kids, I don't tell them to love them and stroke them and stuff, just that yeah...no one really wants them crawling on you and they are skuttly buggers which can make you jump, but there's no need to kill them.

I am not scared of other creepy crawlies or wasps/bees i will easily and calmly trap a huge bumble bee and put it outside even though i am allergic. My kids are not scared of wasps or bees either. A wasp crawled up DS nose when he was eating a picnic (he was about 5) and he didnt even flinch. If that had been a spider we'd have all gone batshit crazy!!

I’m a lost cause- don’t even want to be cured.

Yes, I have. I am a mental health nurse so I understand the science.of using graded exposure to overcome phobias. However I never managed to do it until I had my dc. Basically, I so much didn't want to pass my phobia on to my dc (I remember my mum moving me away from spiders and I'm sure that's the root of my phobia) that I forced myself to start picking them up and talking about spiders in a positive way. 7 years on I have a slight sense of discomfort around big spiders, but it is manageable, and I feel fine with small ones.

Watching this thread with interest. I am the same as you op. I am paralysed with fear and feel (and on occasion am) physically sick when I see a spider in the house. I was so proud of myself last summer when I forced myself to hold a tarantula at a petting zoo,which I did mostly to encourage two of my kids who also have a fear of spiders. Afterwards I felt all empowered and practically willed a spider to come into my home so I could face it head on and show it I was the boss now and would be intimidated no more by some wimpy little spider with stupid weedy spindly little legs,not now I had handled one of the big boys! Forward a few weeks when the first of the big black house spiders invaded and I nearly lifted the fucking roof off my house with my screams! Thank God for my youngest daughter,who is the only person in the house who is unfazed by the heinous hairy horrors is all I can say. She has already been told she ain't ever leaving home,not without me anyway

Another phobia I have is for jellyfish. (I have been stung badly so I have cause.) If there are any of the things in the sea, I absolutely won't go in.

I’m utterly terrified and having children has made no difference.
In fact, when DS1 was tiny I was pushing him in his buggy and when I pulled down the hood an enormous spider fell out. I screamed, let go of the buggy completely and allowed it to crawl all over my pfb. It’s every person for themself as far as I’m concerned!
I’ve been careful not to pass my fear on and now my children delight in drawing me pictures of spiders / inviting me into rooms where they are lurking or singing songs about them

I've had no choice but to get over it because DD is fascinated by them. She insists on giving them a name (which helps in a weird way!) and follows them round the house narrating their activities to me. I've always hated them (once threw a cup of tea across the room because there was one on my arm ) but it's hard to hate something DD has named and befriended

It's had a very weird effect, I no longer jump when they move, I don't have to sit with my feet up if I know there's one in the room and I can even do a glass-and-card removal to the garden as long as they're not really enormous. It's had a knock on effect with other insects as well, I don't flap or scream if something buzzes near me and genuinely don't mind bees even if they land on me, still a bit wary of wasps but much better than I used to be.

So yes, improvement is possible, I'm not suggesting it's as simple as adopting them as pets but I think there might be something in sort of retraining your brain to have a different reaction to them if that makes sense? It's taken time for me but I've come a long way, I know this because we currently have a medium sized spider (called Eric) living next to the hall light switch and I'm not having to turn the light on and off with a wooden spoon

Yes. I used to be scared but I'd always take them outside with my arms length spider catcher. And then I started noticing their little personalities and thought they were quite cute. They are basically shy little animals. They all react differently with little personalities. The huge ones still freak me out though.

I'm afraid the only cure ime is deliberate exposure.

Start by looking at pictures of house spiders online. See if you notice any scruffy "sheet webs" near outside fences or hedges (esp if there is ivy growing). Throw a bit of a leaf into said scruffy sheet web. Be prepared for a large house spider type spider to appear from behind a leaf nowhere.
Repeat until it doesn't make you jump or recoil as much

It helped me.

Thanks, all - lots of people feeling similarly and lots of interesting stuff!

I'm surprised at people finding the London Zoo course helpful, I'd kind of dismissed it as being a waste of money. I've just looked at dates and not sure I can do any of the summer ones, but will keep an eye out.

I hate the idea of killing anything so don't do that - I can actually do the glass & card trick but flip out if they're not on a smooth surface and end up 'losing' them.

Today's character sat on the ceiling above my bed for ages. Ceilings are very high and I couldn't reach it so in the end I just left it.

I sound crazy but I had a chat with it before I left and asked it very earnestly to not go into my bed, and please do not rush at me suddenly No sign of it since I got home but I know it's here somewhere, hopefully not in among my pillows

Interesting about the jerky movement causing revulsion, I definitely feel that's along the right lines of why they unnerve me! I think the thing I'm scared of, my potential 'worst case scenario', is that it rushes at me in confusion and crawls on me and I squash it in my hair .

This, though:
See if you notice any scruffy "sheet webs" near outside fences or hedges (esp if there is ivy growing). Throw a bit of a leaf into said scruffy sheet web. Be prepared for a large house spider type spider to appear from behind a leaf nowhere.

yeah that makes me feel ill just thinking about it

*Squash it in my hair by mistake as I try to get it off me, I mean - I would never squash one on purpose.

I'm afraid I did used to kill them, it would take me ages to work up to it and I'd be a shaking, sweaty mess by the time I actually plucked up the courage to do it but I couldn't know there was one in the room and do nothing, I'd have been a gibbering wreck. I'm still a bit gobsmacked by how far I've come tbh, I'd say I was at the extreme end of phobic since childhood (I'm 44 now) so it's a bit of a miracle really, makes life a lot easier though!